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By David Hopper.
Note to enjoy this parody to the fullest, watch TNG: Disaster.
Or just read the calamity parody of it.
(Voyager wizzes past. Warp engines actually in use at the start of an episode for once. Cut to bridge. Eveyone is there.)
Janeway: Mr Paris, would you mind getting your eyes away from the engineering console and onto the view screen?
Paris: (staring at Torres.) Huh oh, Sorry si-, Ma'a-, Captain.
Tuvok: (raises eyebrow, then returns to playing Tetris.)
Chakotay: What's our ETA Mr Paris?
Paris: Do you really want to know?
Chakotay: No, but I'm bored, and I want something exicting to happen.
Paris: And you find an ETA exciting?
Janeway: OK, time out.
Kes: Neelix, I've been thinking. I never want to see you again.
Neelix: (get's down on his knees and starts to beg) Oh please Kes, say you'll see me again, please?
Kes: Tuvok, what do I have to do to get a restraining order put on Neelix?
Tuvok: (totaly oblivious to Kes) I'm busy. (well, nearly totaly oblvious He achieves yet another all time high score)
Torres: I'm off to the holodeck. (nameless ensign takes over as she leaves)
Chakotay: Me too.
Torres: (to Kes) And you think you have problems, I have half the ship following me.
Kes: But I have Neelix after me.
(Chakotay and Torres leave via the turbo lift.)
Neelix: (gives up on Kes -for now- and looks at all the misserable faces. He decides to cheer them up.) Come on everybody, why don't we share our feelings with each other. Maybe that will cheer you all up.
(entire bridge crew groans. General muttering around the lines of "Not this again." and "He did this last week." What Neelix still doesn't realise is that he causes the crew to be so miserable.)
Neelix: Tom, you go first.
Paris: I'm misserable because I, can't get any where with....
Neelix: Yes?
Paris: I can't get anywhere with B'Ellana.
Neelix: Excerlent. (Paris looks up at him in surprise.) Uh, I mean, too
bad. What about you Captain?
Janeway: (Thinks about it for a minute) I miss my boyfriend (a couple of young Ensigns gag.) and my Dog. (the Ensigns gag harder) She'll have given birth to those puppies by now. (seems to be about to brake down in tears.)
Neelix: Thats very touching. Mr Kim! (Janeway recovers her composure.) What do you miss?
Kim: Uh, Libby, Earth, and my Clarenet.
Neelix: Your a pathethic sad little indivdual aren't you?
Kim: People say I take after you for it.
Neelix: GRRRR! (rembers where he is. Calms down.) And what about you Ensign Expendable?
Q: I'm not Ensign Expendable, but nice of you to ask. Janeway: OH god, not again. What is it this time Q?
Q: I want to-
(suddenly Kim reverts back to parody mode. i.e. iritating son of a bitch, bastard that won't die.)
Kim: Are we there yet?
Q: NO! Damm it, he put me off what I was going to do.
Janeway: Well do something or it's going to be a short episode.
Q: He made me forget what I was going to do.
Paris: Get on with it man.
Q: Oh alright. (snaps fingers.)
(Kes, and Paris find themselves on the bridge of the Enterprise D. There a red alert going on and a dead red shirt at the helm. The rest of the bridge is totally deserted.)
Paris: (regconises the bridge) it's true then. Whoever fly's the Enterprise D does die.
(Torres finds herself in turbo lift 4.)
Torres: The hell? Computer end simulation. Computer? (no response)
(Chakotay also finds himself in a turbo lift, with 3 school kids.)
Child #1: (resembles a certain yellow skinned girl cartoon character) Wheres Captain Picard?
Chakotay: Oh, boy. Stuck in a lift with a Simpson's look alike.
(Neelix finds himself in a cargo bay with Dr Crusher.)
Crusher: Who are you? Wheres Geordie? (she vanishes and is replaced with Janeway.)
Janeway: Well this is interesting.
(Tuvok, Kim and the Holodoc appear in ten forward, after a few minutes Ensign Wildmen appears. She's heavily pregnent.)
Tuvok: (irritated because he was about to finish typing in his first name on the high score screen and we all know how long a vulcan's first name is.) What happened?
Kim: Q transported us to here.
Holodoc: Where is here?
Kim: Looks like a bar, Ten forward on the Enterprise.
Tuvok: (raises eyebrow) Your underage, how can you have known what this was?
Kim: Wesley Crusher got in loads of times. (Tuvok gives the look) OK, I visited the crash site on a school trip. And Whoppi Goldberg is over there tending bar.
Holodoc: Where is the rest of the main cast?
Kim: Don't you mean the crew?
Holodoc: Do you honestly think Q will have wasted time bringing the minor nameless charactors in on this?
Wildman: Doc, somehow I'm pregnant again.
Tuvok: Not another screaming child with horns.
Wildman: Yeah, maybe, and in a few minutes we'll find out.
Holodoc: You mean?
Wildman: My waters had already broken.
Kim: whats wrong with Ensign Wildman?
Tuvok: Shut up Mr Kim.
Kim: What's wrong Wildmen?
Wildmen: Bite me.
(cut to bridge. Kes is standing around doing nothing usefull, Paris is trying to reactivate the consoles at the back that are all dead.)
Kes: Tom, will you hurry up?
Paris: I'm working as fast as I can. Something seems to have fryed the power circuits. Ow!
Kes: What happend?
Paris: I hit my head as I got up.
Kes: (comes up to Paris and rubs his head) That better?
Paris: Oh, yes.
(the doors to turbo lift 4 are forced open. Torres climbs in and sees Kes and paris.)
Torres: THAT'S MY MAN YOU SLUT!
Kes: He hurt his head, I was rubbing it better.
Paris: B'Ellanna, she's telling the truth, just calm down.
Torres: Oh, I, er, guess thats the truth.
Paris: We seem to be on the Enterprise D, but all the systems are down.
Torres: It's OK, I saw that episode where Troi was in command. (she walks up to the dead red shirt and takes the phaser from it. She waves it at Kes and Paris just to get them worried, then storms off
to the engineering console.)
(cut to cargo bay. Janeway and Neelix are examing the jefferies tube cover as they've found the doors are jammed.)
Janeway: This panels hot.
Neelix: Wha? (another panel explodes in front of Neelix, sending him hurterling backwards into another wall.)
Janeway: Hrm, Plasma fire.
Neelix: I'm ok.
Janeway: No one asked.
Neelix: So whats in these highly dangerous looking containers that are right next to our plasma fire?
Janeway: (looks at the labels) Highly contaiminated toxic waste. Warning. keep away from plasma or plasma fires, or any fire for that matter or anti-matter.
Neelix: Are we in danger?
Janeway: (sarcasticly) Have I had sex with Paris? Of course we're in danger you mohawked idiot. If that plasma touches those containers we are doomed. And we can't put the fire out.
Neelix: So why don't we move them away from the fire?
Janeway: ..... I have a better idea.
Neelix: Yes?
Janeway: Why don't we move them away from the fire?
(cut to ten forward. Tuvok, Kim and the Holodoc are deep in arguement while Wildmen concentrates on giving birth.)
Wildman: AAAHAAAHAHHahhhhHGGGG!!!
Tuvok: Could you keep it down Ensign?
Wildmen: FUCK YOAAAHHG!
Kim: What's the matter with her?
Holodoc: She's having a baby.
Kim: (look of disgust) Isn't it illegal to have sex with-
Tuvok: She is giving birth to a baby.
Kim: Huh? My Mom always told me the Stork delivered babies.
Holodoc: Why is this man so stupid?
Tuvok: All children go through this phase, my forth child was especially currious about where children come from.
Holodoc: (tries to imaging Tuvok explaining the birds and the bees to a child.)
Tuvok: I was worried, at tweenty she was a little old to be asking that kind of question.
(cut to turbo lift.)
Child #2: so your an Indian?
Chakotay: Native American.
Child #3: Can we play cowboys and indians with you?
Chakotay: No.
Child #2: cops and robbers?
Chakotay: No.
Child #3: (whinging) You don't look like no Indian to me.
Chakotay: Native American.
Child #2: Wheres you mohawk?
Chakotay: (looks disgusted at the child)
Child #1: I'm scarred, whats wrong with the ship?
Chakotay: It's got something to do with Q.
Child #3: Nah, Q's not due for another few episodes.
Chakotay: (under breath) I'm never going to have kids.
Child #2: (missunderstands) Child molestera.
Chakotay: I am not.
Child #2: You said you were never going to have kids.
Chakotay: I meant, I was never going to willing father any. Besides, I'm
only interested in women. (child #1 who's a girl backs off.) Older women. Look, why don't you all sit down and be quiet, and uncle
Chakotay will tell you a story.
Child #3: Ah no, not a story. Only poh poh heads tell stories.
Chakotay: (looks a little peved) Once, there was a warrior, who could never find peace unless he was fighting.
(mercifully cut to cargo bay. Neelix is carrying the containers away from the fire and putting them near the cargo bay doors. Janeway is standing next to the controls waiting for the right moment to hit the cargo bay doors open button.)
Neelix: There (pant) thats the (pant) last of them. (pant)
Janeway: (presses the button.) Good. Have a nice trip. (nothing happens, she presses it desperatly.)
Neelix: (not noticing what Janeway said or what she is doing.) Well, what next?
Janeway: We wait for help to arrive. (under breath,) Unless you have an "accident" involving a plasma fire.
(cut to Ten forward)
Tuvok: Both the main doors are jammed shut, non of the systems seem to be working and my tricorder indicates that there is a distinct chance the ship will explode.
Kim: I need to go wee wee.
Holodoc: Shut it.
Kim: I need to go, I need to go.
Holodoc: (trying to ignore Kim, but getting more and more agigtated by the minute) What about the Jefferies tubes?
Tuvok: (looks shocked)........Good idea.
Kim: (surprised) I can't go for a wee in there. People have to crawl about in them to do work.
Tuvok: Be quiet. Now go stand in the corner.
Kim: But I need to go.
Tuvok: (bears his teeth) Silence.
(Kim goes and stands in the corner and keeps twitching)
Holodoc: Perhaps we can get to engernering from here via the jefferies tubes.
Tuvok: Very well. Take Mr Kim and go.
Holodoc: But Ensign Wildmen-
Tuvok: Doctor, I know how to delerveir a baby. I did attend a class on the subject once.
Holodoc: (looks peved) When?
Tuvok: 66.5 years ago. And I delivered all four of my own children.
Holodoc: Huh! Why do I have to take Kim?
Tuvok: Because I can't stand him and your only a hologram.
Holodoc: Thats racism.
Tuvok: It it not. You are not a member of any ethnic race, nor are you a member of a species. Besides I suffer from claustiphobia.
Holodoc: No you don't. I've read you'r medical records. Theres no mention of it.
Tuvok: Look, just take my word for it.
(back to the bridge. Torres has reactivated the engerneering console)
Torres: Ta-da!
Paris: I'll admit it your smart.
Kes: How did you restore power?
Torres: I'm using the phasers power supply.
Paris: Thats against regulations (catches Torres expresion) But who cares?
(cut to turbo lift. Chakotay has finished telling his first story and is telling another one. The kids are still awake and Chakotay is looking worried.)
Child #1: Why did you stop?
Chakotay: Thats all I know.
Child #2: How?
Chakotay: (gives the look)
Child #2: Oh, sorry. I mean, why?
Chakotay: My father used to tell me that story when I was your age. I always used to fall asleep half way through. And when I asked him
to tell me the bits I had missed, he started again from the begining and I fell asleep by the time he reached the middle bit again.
Child #3: Did your dad go mad when you had that tattoo done?
Chakotay: No, he had the same tattoo.
Child #2: What is it for?
Chakotay: It's decoration.
Child #2: I mean does it have a meaning?
Chakotay: Yes, some aliens explained it to me once, but that was in a borring episode and I wasn't really paying attention.
(the lift starts to lurch and the kids start to scream.)
Chakotay: We have to get out of here before we plumit to our doom. Why are the escape hatches so high up?
Child #3: If you open the pannel up theres an emergency lever you can pull that opens the hatch.
Chakotay: There is? Er? I mean, how do you know?
Child #3: We pull the hatches off for dares.
Chakotay: And what happens when the security chief catches you?
Child #2: Worf? We tell him we'll get our dads to beat him up.
Chakotay: Worf? Thats a Klingon name.
Child #1: Our security chief isn't a Klingon, he's a black human with a
hairband over his eyes.
Chakotay: Thats your chief engerneer. Geordie LaForge. Worf is your Klingon security chief. You know the guy with the lumps on his head.
Child #3: (getting excited and throwing punches in the air.) How do you think he got those lumps? My dad kicked the shit out of him,.
Chakotay: (grabs the kid and pulls down the kids pants. Put's the kid
across his knees and slaps the kids butt.) If I ever hear you use such language ever again, I'll throw you through that roof.
Child #3: your a shit face.
Chakotay: RIGHT! (throws the kid at the roof.) Let that be a lesson to you.
Child #1: (pulls the lever and the hatch opens) All you had to do was pull this lever. I'm surprissed you men always seem to resort to
mindless violence to sort out problems.
Chakotay: (squints at the child) What's you name?
Child #1: Simpson, Lisa Simpson.
(insert commercial break.)
(It's the Pepsi Max add with Jackie Chan. Jackie jumps off the boat, does a few accrobatics, beats a few people up, then lands in a deserted alley. Deserted except for the huge guy with the sword. This time though as he squares up with the big guy, Paris, Kim, Wesley and Jake beam into the place of the four guys in the ad.)
Jackie: (surprised) Where did you guys come from?
Paris: Jackie, be the Max.
Jackie: Uhh?
Wes: Feel the Max.
Jackie: What?
Jake: Take the Max.
Jackie: You guys high or something?
Kim: I still need to go wee wee.
Jackie: Uhh?
(The Pepsi Max dispensor beams in to place. A couple of cans burst out of the machine. Jackie, totally mesmeriesed by the Trekers, only just manages to duck the first can and grabs the second as it travels overhead. The first cans hits the sword man in the balls.)
Sword man: OffYa! (colapses)
Jackie + Trekers: Cool.
Jackie: (looks at the can) Hang on, this is a Coca Cola can.
(end commercial break.)
(inside the Jefferies tubes. The Holodoc is muttering to himself while he waits for Kim to catch him up.)
Holodoc: Are you quite done?
Kim: Yep.
Holodoc: Well come on. (Kim tries to catch up with the doc) Honestly, why couldn't you have gone when we were still on Voyager?
Kim: I didn't need to go then.
Holodoc: Well did you have to do it while standing over a verticle jefferies tube?
Kim: Well I had to go somewhere. And into the that tube seemed like a good idea.
Holodoc: And think of the mess. Someone is going to be really pissed off after Q sends us back.
Kim: (falls to the floor in fits of laughter)
Holodoc: What are yo- Oh, yes, I pulled a funny. Come on, theres work to
be done.
(Ten forward)
Tuvok: Your baby should be coming any minute now ensign.
Wildmen: AHHHGHGG! IT'S NOT MY BABY! I'M NOT PREGNANT!
Tuvok: That is not a healthy opinion. You may cause psychological damage to the child.
Wildmen: GOD I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EASIER SECOND TIME ROUND!
Tuvok: (raises eyebrow)
(Cargo bay)
Janeway: It's getting hotter in here.
Neelix: I don't understand why this console isn't working. (looks around a bit more) It's not even plugged in.
Janeway: What?
Neelix: (plugs it in to the wall.) There, that should do it. Janeway: (pushes Neelix away) Let me see. Ah, the doors are jammed, but we can open the bay doors and let the vacum of space blow the containers and the fire out.
Neelix: Why?
Janeway: Why not? It'l put out the fire and cause a bit of drama to happen.
Neelix: What about us?
Janeway: Hold on to something, like that container.
Neelix: Won't that blow out into space?
Janeway: (relises Neelix's isn't as thick as he looks) Will it? Oh damm yes it would. Hrm, well in that case hold onto this. (puts hands on console.)
Neelix: Like this?
Janeway: No, thats not what I meant. The console, not my hips, the console.
Neelix: Oh sorry.
Janeway: (hits a few buttons, then grabs hold of the consoles surport beam and takes a deep breath.)
(Neelix stands there with his hands flat across the console. The bay doors open and everthing is blown out into space. Neelix finds himself spread eagled across the console, his feet manage to catch the edge of the console and he hangs there while the vacum of space tries to claim him. The plasma fire is blown out. Janeway tries to yell at the computer to close the doors, but gets nowhere of course. Neelix's feet give way and millions of trekies over the world cry out "Yes, Neelix is going to die". However his flayling foot hits the door close button. He flys across the room and hits his head on the door just as it clangs shut.)
Neelix: (gets to his feet and rubs his head.) I'm OK.
Janeway: (exhausted) No one asked.
(cut to turbo lift shaft, Chakotay and the kids are climbing away from the lift. Suddenly it falls away.)
Chakotay: Jeeze, that was lucky.
Child #3: Mr Chuckles?
Chakotay: Chakotay.
Child #3: Whatever, I think I wet myself.
Child #2: You did. I can feel a few drips falling on my head.
(Bridge. Kes is prancing about, Torres is sitting at the engernering console trying to get the ship to work. Paris comes up to her.)
Torres: If you want to keep your hand, take it off my thigh.
Paris: (removes his hand) Can you get the systems to work?
Torres: No. The systems have to be activated manually in engernering.
Paris: How many people are in engernering?
Torres: About tweenty according to the sensors.
Paris: Why don't they do something?
Torres: (gives the look) They were all having a party to celebrate 30 years of Star Trek and they were all wearing Original series Red shirts. Why do you think their not doing anything?
Paris: Oh. Can we get down there?
Torres: Oh yeah, if we went down the jeffries tubes we'd be about three minutes too late.
Kes: Wait a sec, I'm getting a psychic message from someone.
Paris: What is it?
Kes: "Mr Kim, shut up."
(cut to the jeffires tube)
Holodoc: Shut up, shut up shut up.
Kim: All I said was-
Holodoc: I know what you said. You said "Are we there yet?" You always say that.
Kim: Only when we aren't in the alpha Quardrent. Besides I was talking about engernering.
Holodoc: Oh, ah right. We just have to negotiate this highly dangerous forcefield that is in our way first.
Kim: I can deal with that. (pushes Holodoc out of his way, Holodoc goes through the forcefield head first)
Holodoc: Argh! Huh? What? I'm fine, I didn't get fryed. My mobile emiter is still on. Ha, ha. amazing. Lieutant Torres I love you.
Kim: Tom will be really pissed off if he finds out.
Holodoc: I didn't mean like that.
Kim: There's no telling what he might to do to a certain hologram if he finds out.
Holodoc: OK, if you keep quiet I'll arrange a few check ups for you, and
then you can go play in the holodeck instead. OK?
Kim: Cool. (fiddles about with a panel and deactivates the force field) OK I'm in.
How many more floors do we have to go?
Holodoc: How should I know? I'm a doctor, not a floor plan.
(Ten forward. Tuvok is still helping Wildmen.)
Tuvok: You aren't being anywhere near as calm as you should be.
Wildmen: (says something that the human voicebox should not be able to prounounce)
Tuvok: The holographic training I recieved was not this difficult, and
my wife's pregnancies were no where near this complex.
Wildmen: Well I guess you'v never had any experinced with a real women.
Tuvok: Humf. I have better things to do then help you give birth.
Wildmen: ARGHH! (pant) Like what? AHHG!
Tuvok: Like playing solitare.
Wildmen: I think I can feel the head, oh, it's coming.
Tuvok: The head is now clear.
Wildmen: Well, does it have horns?
Tuvok: No but, the child has an oriental apperance.
(Engerneering, theres a whole load of dead people dressed like Original
series Red shirts.)
Kim: It's true then. Everyone who wears those shirts dies horribly.
Holodoc: Oh shut up. Now lets get these systems back on line.
Kim: Okey dokey.
Holodoc: Err, what button are we looking for?
Kim: A big red flashing button with the word "Reboot" on it.
(they look around for a few minutes, then they find that the one button that they need to press is in another part of room that is protected by a force field.)
Holodoc: How are we supposed to get in there?
Kim: (manages to perform a goofy version of the look)
Holodoc: Oh no, you aren't pushing me in there.
Computer: Warning. Tweenty secounds to warpcore breach. 19, 18, 17.
Holodoc: That's not how TNG Disaster episode happened.
Computer: (continues to count down)
Kim: Well it's now or never.
Holodoc: (jumps through the force field.) Ow, that hurt.
Kim: The button, press the button.
Holodoc: Er, which one?
Computer: 5, 4, 3.
Kim: The red flashing one with "Reboot" on it.
Holodoc: This one?
Kim: (Frantic) YES!
Holodoc: (presses the button)
Computer: Warp core breach aborted. Please press Engage button to restore primary systems. Thank you for traverling with the starship Enterprise. Have a nice day.
Kim: (presses a few buttons then deactivates the forcefield.)
Holodoc: What? You mean you could have done that and pressed the dammed button? (starts to strangle the life out of that idiot boy.)
(they suddenly dissapear and are replaced with a confused looking Riker and Data who's head is on the "pool table". Cut to Ten forward. Wildmen has just finished given birth.)
Tuvok: (holding the baby up) It would appear that whichever-
(Tuvok and Wildmen dissapear and are replaced by Worf and Keiko.)
Worf: (looks from the baby to Keiko, who closes her legs and looks guilty) Erm. I presume this is yours?
(Cargo bay Janeway and Neelix are trying to force open the doors when they vanish and are replaced with Crusher and Geordie.)
Crusher: Oh, your back. What happened to that weirdo with the mohawk?
Geordie: What weirdo? You mean I missed a chance of making a new friend?
(cut to bridge, Chakotay has managed to opened up the turbo lifts doors and Paris and Torres help him and the children up. Suddenly The Voyager crew vanish and are replaced with Picard, Troi, O'Brian and Ro.)
Picard: What the hell just happend?
O'Brian: The last thing I rember is that Lieutant dying when the console blew up.
Ro: I was in turbo lift four.
Troi: I sense confusion.
Ro: Ya don't say.
(cut back to Voyager's bridge, Q is sitting there on the railings behind the captains chair laughing with the nameless Ensigns.)
Q: And you should have sen the expresion on Picards face when he realised he was wearing tights. He looked like he was used to doing that sort of thing all the time.
(The Ensigns brake down in laughter.)
Q: And then Microbrain, Worf said: "Captain, I protest. I am NOT a merry man."
(again the whole crew brake down in laughter, especially the men.)
Q: Oh, you have a peciulor sense of humour. And your so less bland then that Chakotay.
Ensign: Thanks, your not so bad yourself.
Q: (looks at view screen which is displaying what all the main casts is up to.) Ah, I think your seniors are ready to come back now. (snaps fingers, the crew returns.)
(Chakotay is kneeling on the floor with Torres and Paris holding on to an arm each. The Holodoc is strangling Kim, Tuvok is standing over Wildmen who is lying down with her legs wide open. Kes is prancing about still, and Janeway and Neelix are looking like a pair of mime artists. The Ensigns all brake down in fits of laughter, again.)
Q: Well. Isn't that a sight.
Janeway: Alright Q, you've had your fun. Whatever was the point in all this?
Q: I just wanted to cheer up all the Ensigns. Do you know how hard it is for them to relaxe under your dictatorship?
Janeway: I am not a dictator.
Q: Well, I also wanted to see how'd you all react to a situation on a different ship. And I just thought of Picard and his lackeys.
Janeway: What?
Kim: Are we there yet?
Entire bridge crew: Shut the fuck up!
Paris: Hang on, Harry had put you off what you had in mind originally.
Q: (clenching his fists) Yes, he did. Well just be glad, because my original idea involved a nudist colony.
(everyone looks surprised. Paris looks at Torres and smiles. Chakotay looks at Janeway and smiles. Neelix looks wishfully at Kes who slaps him.)
Q: Next to a volcano.
(everyones faces drop.)
Q: But now that I sent you lot off an adventure in the past it's seroiusly messed up the timeline in the alpha quardrent.
Janeway: (very pissed off) Q!
Q: Only joking.
Chakotay: Well. What now?
Q: I bugger off and leave you ponder the lesons you've learned, and various reviwers write flames about this parody.
Janeway: Wait I have to (Q snaps his fingers and vanishes) ask you if you'll take us back, oh you bastard.
Paris: Well, now what?
Neelix: Well, I think as morale officer I ought to cheer up everyone Q upset.
(All the Ensigns moan. They'd all prefere to have Q as moral officer rather then Neelix)
Tuvok: (resumes playing Tetris) I have better things to do.
Paris: (resumes staring at Torres. Under his breath he mutter "What a babe")
Kim: Are we there yet?
Holodoc: (resumes strangling Kim.) NO! We aren't.
Janeway: Doctor.
Holodoc: (agitated) What?
Janeway: Your hippocratic oath?
Holodoc: Ah. Sorry.
Chakotay: Neelix, why don't you take the Holodoc away and cheer him up?
Neelix: Ok!
Holodoc: NO. You can't do this to me. (Neelix grabs him by the arm and takes him to the turbo lift)
Neelix: Now Doctor, I think I know exactly what will cheer you up.
Kes: Well. What do we do now?
Janeway: Well, we can sign off now, or we can go on and on trying to think of a funny joke to finish this parody of with.
Chakotay: I know. I could tell an old legend.
(eveyone on the whole ship groans. Shot of Voyager traverling through space at warp. The music from tetris can be heard playing in the background. We hear Janeways voice saying "Who the hell is playing that?")
(the theme tune from Fraiser plays and the credits roll. We see Janeway and Chakotay in Janeway's ready room arguing about something. Chakotay is obviously winning as Janeway is simply frowning. Eventually Chakotay waves a finger under her nose and see goes off to the replicator where she replicates a large bowl of cold custard. She pours it over Chakotay's head.
She starts to laugh and he smiles. He replicates some more and pours it over her. They both cuddle and they both start laughing. They collapse on the sofa and are just about to kiss when Kim walks in with a report. They both stand up and try to look like nothings happened, but Kim just shrugs his shoulders and leaves them. They look guilty at each other.)
The end.
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