Opening scene: the bridge. Janeway sitting in chair.

Paris: Captain, there's a huge anomaly 200,00 kilometers off our port bow!

Tuvok: Sensors indicate a temporal anomaly, Captain.

Chakotay: Maybe we should back off.

Janeway: No. We are Starfleet. Our mission is to explore. Set it a course
towards the anomaly.

Neelix: N--n--n--o...w--w--w--ait just a darned minute there...

Everybody ignores Neelix.

Paris: Course laid in, captain.

Janeway: Engage manouvering thrusters.

Tuvok: Captain, an object is emerging!

A mysterious glowing cloud on the screen. The cloud parts and the
Energizer Bunny (TM) emerges.

Janeway: My God! It just leeps on going and going and going...

Tuvok: You recognize this object. captain?

Janeway: Of course. It is an essential part of Earth cultural history. It
symbolizes the indomitable will of the human race to prevail.

Chakotay: My people have similar spiritual symbols, but better.

Tuvok: Captain, we are being hailed.

Janeway: By the bunny?

Tuvok { with distaste }: By the...bunny, yes.

Janeway: Open a channel.

A muffled "boom...boom...boom" is heard.

Janeway: Yes...yes... that's precisely the sound...

Chakotay: Wait a minute captain. Don't you notice something wrong...

Everybody notices that the drumming has an irregular beat.

Janeway: Look! He's missing one of his front paws. We have to help!

Tuvok: Captain, the Prime Directive...

Janeway interrupts: Forget the Prime Directive. One bunny to beam
directly to sickbay. Energize!

Paris: Transport complete.

Cut to sickbay. Bunny materializes on a diagnostic couch. Kes looks up in
surprise, then activates the Doctor.

Doctor: State the nature of the medical emergency!

Kes: I don't know, this...thing just appeared.

Doctor: Ah. It appears to be a mechanical rabbit.

Janeway { over intercom }: Doctor, do you have your patient?

Doctor: Possibly. Are you referring to this mechanical rodent?

Janeway: Yes. You have to help.

Doctor: I shall do my best.

Doctor scans bunny with tricorder. Suddenly bunny's eyes glow bright red.
A booming voice emanates from it.

Bunny: NO! YOU ARE NOT READY!

Doctor: Ready for what?

Bunny: FOR ANYTHING!

Doctor: Possibly.

BUNNY: I AM THE LAST REPRESENTATIVE OF A 10,000,000,000 YEAR OLD
CIVILIZATION THAT ONCE RULED THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I CREATED YOUR RACE AND
ALL OTHER SENTIENT CREATURES. BUT YOU ARE NOT READY FOR ME.

Doctor: I see. But you have a wounded paw.

Bunny looks at paw.

Bunny: OH SO I DO. WELL THAT WAS JUST A PLOT DEVICE TO GIVE THE CAPTAIN
AN EXCUSE TO BEAM ME ONTO THE SHIP. FORGET IT.

Doctor: I see.

Kes: What do you want us to do, you cute little thing?

Bunny: THIS WOMAN'S KIND WORDS HONOUR ME. I GRANT YOU THREE WISHES.

Kes: OK, my first wish is that Neelix had better hair.

Bunny: GRANTED.

Suddenly Neelix rushes in. He now has normal hair instead of the mop that
usually clings to his head.

Neelix: Doctor, help me! I've just had this horrible transformation. I
was in the middle of cooking some Xzsadgfghsalxian tomato soup when my
hair changed to this horrible mess.

Kes: It was me, Neelix. I asked the Bunny to give you normal hair.

Neelix: But you don't understand. Every species is different. It's our
differences that make us unique. They are something to be cherished not

rejected. Without my hair, I'm not ME anybore...sob...Why I'm so pissed
off I wish you had a foot long nose.
Bunny: GRANTED!

Kes has a foot long nose.

Kes: How could you do that. I love you Neelix but sometimes your such a
childish man.

Neelix: Forgive me, Kes. Love is like that sometimes. Relationships are
so difficult. Thats why we have television, to explain it all to us. Now
I wish we were both back to normal.

Bunny: GRANTED.

Kes and Neelix both go back to normal.

Doctor: What a shame you didn't think of using one of those wishes to get
us home.

Kes and Neelix totally ignore him as they embrace to make up for their
quarrel.

Bunny: THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO RETURN!

Doctor: Return where?

Bunny: WHERE I CAME FROM!

Bunny dematerializes in a weird cloud of green gas, which slowly
dissapates.

Janeway and Chakotay rush in just as the last of the gas disappears.

Janeway: What happened? Report!

Doctor: The patient has departed.

Janeway: My God, you mean he died?

Doctor: Not exactly...

Chakotay interrupts: Don't try to explain, Doctor. Death is a great
mystery. Among my people it is to be contemplated, not discussed. This is
a solemn moment. We must honor the cosmic bunny.

Doctor looks as if he's about to speak, then thinks better of it.

Janeway: Life is such a wonderful mystery isn't it? I never thought I'd
get to meet the Energizer Bunny and then when I finally met him, he
died... I feel a much richer person for the experience.

Chakotay: We all are, captain.

THE END