Introduction:

"Resistance... the final futility...

These are the voyages of the starship Borg Cube.

Its continuing mission:
to assimilate strange new worlds,
to raise the quality of life of new civilizations
and to boldly assimilate what has not been assimilated before..."

(Borg choir cuts in)

----

Episode #1:

Captain Borg enters the bridge... He announces: "I am captain Borg of
Borg ship. You will set a course for Earth at warp 8. Resistance is
futile."
(He sits down awkwardly.)

Ensign Borg: Captain!

Captain Borg: What is it?

Ensign Borg: A few Romulan warbirds are decloaking off the port
bow.

Captain Borg: We have no bow. We have a cube. Bows are futile. We
have six sides, which is more agreeable. We wish to enhance starship
navigation for all species.

(Ensign Borg nods approvingly)

Captain Borg: How many warbirds?

Ensign Borg: 3,145 ships, Captain. The whole fleet.

Borg One: I suggest we assimilate them, captain.

Captain Borg: Make it so. Tell them that it is futile to resist us.

Ensign Borg: Yes sir.

(The Romulans are instantly assimilated)

Captain Borg: Well done, ensign.

Borg One: Captain, all known Starfleet ships have arrived and
are currently attacking us.

Captain Borg: (checks his watch) Ok, time for some R&R! Borg One, in
my ready room.

(Borg One and Captain Borg enter the ready room)

Captain Borg: Earl Grey, hot.

Computer: Replicator is off-line.

Captain Borg: Why?

Computer: The attacking Starfleet ships have destroyed the main
replicator conduit.

Captain Borg: Engine room!

Geordi LeBorg: Geordi here, captain.

Captain Borg: Geordi, I can't assimilate my Earl Grey. Can't you
re-route the replicator's power through another conduit? It seems we
have an abundance of them.

Geordi LeBorg: Those conduits don't have that kind of capacity. There
would be too much resistance.

Captain Borg: But resistance is futile!

Geordi LeBorg: Not if you're not using a superconducer, captain.

Captain Borg: You're not? What _are_ you using, then?

Geordi LeBorg: two crocodile clippers and a piece of copper wire,
sir.

Captain Borg: That is likely to cause much resistance.

Geordi LeBorg: Indeed, to try that would be futile.

Captain Borg: Then just assimilate the attacking fleet outside. And
see if they have any tea.

Geordi LeBorg: Yes sir!

(Borg One and Captain Borg return to the bridge)

Ensign Borg: Captain! Starfleet has been joined by the Cardassians,
the Bajorans, the Vulcans, the Rakhari, the Q race, the Traveller, the
Maquis, a number of crystalline entities, a Doomsday Machine, the
Vidians, the Organians, the Bynars, Rieva, the Zetarians, the
Nausicaans, the Founders and some other races that have no distinctive
technological advancements.

Captain Borg: Prepare the assimilation process.

Ensign Borg: Prepared.

Captain Borg: Engage.

(a large sucking sound is heard.)

Ensign Borg: Assimilation complete, sir.

Captain Borg: Well done.

Borg One: Where to, sir?

Captain Borg: Let's see what's out there.

Ensign Borg: This answer does not compute, sir.

Captain Borg: Ok, ok... Have those two stars to the right been
assimilated yet?

Ensign Borg: Er, no sir.

Captain Borg: Then make it so!