Getting Rid of Q

By Lisa Sanchelo...

**This story takes place during season 6****
(The crew are at Quark's bar discussing what to do about Q who is visiting the station)

Sisko : I think we should try that hand to hand combat thing I did last time he was here.

Kira : Just because it worked last time doesn't mean it will work this time Captain.

Odo : I would have to agree with the major Sisko

Quark : We know you do Odo ....(raises his eyebrows)

Kira : (rolls her eyes)

Dax : We're not even sure Q is a threat yet Ben

Worf: (nods)

O'brien : He's always a threat
(Suddenly Q shows up in the bar)

Q : I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You're trying to get rid of me. Well, I ain't gon'na leave.

Odo : it's am not! Say it, am-not

Q : (rolls eyes) Am-not. I am not gon'na leave

Odo : Going-to. I am not going to leave...say it going to...

Q : Going to

Odo : Going to what?

( Q slaps Odo in the back of the head)

Odo: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Q : Mou-squi-to!

Sisko : Q! don't hit our Security chief.

Q : Why not?

Worf : Yes, why not?!? (abruptly standing up and lunging towards Odo)

( Odo flinches)

Dax: Worf!

Q: (grabs Odo. Odo falls to the ground unconscious)
There you will remain solid for the rest of the show.

Kira :(rushes to Odo's side) Why Q?

Q : Because the producers couldn't afford my graphics and Odo's it would destroy the budget. Also the writers had to think of a reason to make him solid so they chose me

Sisko : That is so lame

Q : I know

Odo : (getting up) Oh no I'm human.....again! And....my pants are....wet

Kira: (backs away from him)

Dax : Fortunate that you had clothes this time Odo

Q : Well we don't need to see Odo naked.....again
( whole crew shivers including Odo)

Bashir : I'll get you a change of clothes Odo. Since I haven't had a line for an entire page

Sisko: You do that Docter....Anyway there still remains the task at hand.

Q : Oh yes, getting rid of me...

Sisko : Well the title is "Getting Rid of Q"

Kira : Yes and the sooner the better.

Quark : Any ideas Morn?

Morn :

Dax : ok then...

Worf : We could fight an honorable battle. It is a good day to die!

Q : Dax, could you please tell Mr. Personality here to Shutup!

Kira : (involuntarily giggles)

(Bashir steps in)

Bashir : Odo please come here

( Odo walks over to Bashir)

( Crew turns around)

Odo : If you please!

Q: what? And miss the show??

( odo goes to the next room and Bashir darns himself for his miserable luck)

Kira: We could ignore Q maybe he'll go away

O'brien : That's the first nonviolent thing you've ever thought up to solve a problem Kira

Kira : That's because I'm saving all the good ones for you!!!

O'Brien : (winces)

Odo :Well I'm back!

Bashir : Me too...not like you care

Kira : Welcome back Constable! (Pulls out a chair)

Odo : (Sits down missing chair) Oops...Heh heh!

Kira : Try again Constable

Odo : (sits down again this time he doesn't miss)

Bashir : Are we forgetting someone? How about a chair for me?

Sisko : Kira I don't think ignoring Q will make him go away

Odo : We could wait him out

Bashir : Hello!!! I need a seat!!!

Kira : that would take to long

Sisko : not to mention destroy the plot

Bashir : Isn't any one listening to me!!! I need a seat!!

Q : That would be boring

Bashir : Come on you're my friends !! listen to me!

Q : Bashir Shutup!

Bashir : But?

Odo : You can sit by me!

Bashir : um...no (mutters ) like I'm going to sit next to Betsy Wetsy

Q : You need help Bashir I mean you know you're in trouble if the only person offering you a seat is Odo

Bashir : I don't need help I'm not as pathetic as Odo either!!

Q : You could have a counselor...like Troi!

Bashir : I don't need counseling!! Odo does!

Odo : What??? Can I say something???

Q and Bashir : Shutup!

Bashir : Besides when has Deana ever said something that wasn't blindingly obvious?

Q : um bashir?

Bashir : No wait let me finish. And she -bark! Bark! Woof woof!

(Deana Troi is standing a few feet away greatly amused)

Q : You forgot she was visiting the station

Deana : I guess you're right Bashir. You acting like a dog is a blindingly obvious thing.

Bashir : Woof! (Bites Deana realizing she did this)

Q : (laughs) AHAHAHA!

Deana : (turns him back to his regular old self)

Bashir : Actually I kind of liked being a dog!

Deana: you would

Q: (Still laughing) This is great I may never leave

Sisko : Oh no. That would make this a two part episode

(Crew moans)

O'Brien : Wait! I've got a great idea! And it's so exciting you'll wet your pants

Odo : Too late!

Kira : ugh! Remind me why you're my boyfriend again?

Odo : Sorry... I'm not used to being human. Besides its not my fault we don't even have a bathroom on this show

Bashir: Yeah what do we do in the future?

( Everyone looks around shrugging their shoulders)

O'Brien : Anyway, To carry out my plan we must go to ops

Sisko: Then,to the turbo lift!

Dax: yes, to the turbo lift!

Bashir : To the turbo lift!

Odo : to the turbo lift!

Worf : the turbolift

Dax : the turbolift!

Morn :

Quark :Wait I'm coming too!

(Crew now on turbolift)

Bashir: I hope this plan works

Kira : Oh gosh! What is that smell?

Dax : ugh, Worf, That better not be you

Worf : Its not!

O'Brien : Smells like a malfunctioning garbage receptacle

Odo : I regret my new sense smell

Quark : smells like a three day old slug!

(Everyone looks at Morn )

Quark : Morn??
Morn : (shakes his head)

(Turbo lift opens and all step out )

Odo : (Turning in confession ) It was me!! Im sorry!

(Whole crew passes out)
(Q suddenly shows up)

Q : well Odo Looks like--- A-A-A-A! Noooooo! -(Q passes out)

(Crew slowly comes to)

Bashir : sheesh

(they all get up holding their noses)

Odo : Sorry again (farts)

Sisko : Doctor do something ..Quick!

Bashir : Here Odo have some Pecid A-C

Odo : Thank you Doctor

Bashir : No problem and look Q is still out cold!

Kira : Wow Odo you're lethal

O'Brien : Yes but that can't last very long we still need my plan

Odo : You're just jealous

O'Brien : No.....trust me

Sisko : Well ok O'brien! Tell us your plan

O'Brien : (looks at his watch ) 4....3....2...1 There we're out of time now

we have till Next showing to end the episode

Sisko : that was your plan!?!

O'Brien : well now we can think!

Odo : Geez! My farting is better than that!



TO BE CONTINUED.......

Getting Rid of "Q" Part two

By Lisa Sanchelo

(Last time on DS9: Q has invaded the station and Odo has been turned into a humanoid. All the crew including Morn and Quark are in Ops)

Sisko:OK, now were back. Got a follow up plan to that last one O'brien?

O'brien: no sir

Sisko: Figures.

Odo: See? My plan was better!

O'brien: Yeah right Odo. Farting is a brilliant plan!

Sisko: Look both of you had stupid plans!! (calms himself) OK,OK major any ideas?

Kira: *mutters* yeah like push you out the airlock

Sisko: What was that major?

Kira: nothing... nothing Captain I don't have any ideas..

Sisko: Worf?

Worf: Duh....

Quark: Yeah right like Worf ever gets any ideas!

Worf: Can I please just shoot him!

Sisko: (considers it) mm... (shakes his head) maybe later.

Sisko: Morn?

Morn:

Sisko: Morn that's brilliant!!!

Bashir: what? What did he say?

Sisko: Oh man! Why didn't I think of that!


Bashir: I'm confused

Odo: We know

Bashir: Hey!

Odo: Sorry, I had to get you back for all those comments you made about me earlier.

Sisko: (still hung up over Morn's "plan") Wow! Morn I should make you part of my Senior crew! You could be um....a doctor! We don't have one of those right?

Morn:

Bashir: I'm the doctor!

Sisko: Come on Morn! Lets go play out your plan! Odo I need you too!

Odo: Where are we going?

Sisko: You'll see. Come on Constable!

Odo: OK (follows glancing at rest of the crew shaking his head)

Kira: See you later!

(Sisko ,Morn, and Odo walk to turbolift.)

Sisko: (gets inside and Morn and Odo follow him) Computer Locate Q!

Computer: Q is in Quarks Bar on the Promenade.

Sisko: (grins) Computer Promenade!
(Turbolift hums and takes them to promenade. Doors Open)

(Sisko, Worf, and Odo walk to Quarks)

Sisko: Q! We know you're here!

Q: (appears in front of Sisko) all right. What is it?

Sisko: Q, Morn and I have decided that you can stay as long as you like.

Q: What? Really?


Sisko: Sure!

Q: What's the catch?

Sisko: No catch just.....

Q: Yes?

Sisko: We need someone to take care of Odo. So If you stay you have to take care of him.

(Pushes Odo towards Q)

Q: What? I don't understand why you need anyone to take care of Odo.

Sisko: Morn.

Morn: (whispers to Rom)

ROM: Here you go (hands him a glass of something)

Morn: (hands glass to Sisko)

Sisko: Thanx Morn.

Morn:

Sisko: You see Q (looks at glass ) the constable has a well... A little .... "problem"

(Dips Odo's hand into glass of warm water)

Q: (looks down at Odo's pants) Oh Gross! That's....Disgusting!

Odo: Oops...

Q: Let me get this straight. If I stay..I have to paper train Odo???

Sisko: That's the idea!

Q: No way. I'll just change him back!

Sisko: But like you said, the budget wont allow to people to have powers. The special effects are to costly.

Q: Mm...what's my other option

Sisko: Change Odo back and leave!


Q: Maybe I'll leave but why would changing Odo back be to my advantage?

Sisko: How do you expect us to change him back? Kill another infant changeling? Come on Q, give the writers a break.

Q: OK, OK I'll do what you ask anything's better than (looks at Odo and
shivers) your other option... Here. (Hands Sisko a box)

Sisko: What's this?

Q: When I leave change Odo back with what's in this box.

Sisko: Easy as that?

Q: Easy as that.

Sisko: OK Bye Q!

Q: bye Sisko, Morn, ......Odo.

(Q disappears)

Sisko: (opens box) What's this? Morn hand me my tricorder

Morn: (hands Sisko a tricorder out of nowhere.)

Sisko: thanx (scans box) My tricorder says this is....Magic Powder? What?

Odo: Stupid Lazy writers...

Sisko: No kidding..well here goes. (Sprinkles powder on Odo) Now think happy
thoughts.. No wait that's to fly.

Odo: It cant be!! (melts out of his clothes and turns into a bird. Sails across promenade and flies straight into a poll) SQUAWK!!!!

Sisko: Youch! Somehow that was more touching the first time!

Odo: turns back into himself. Ooooohhhh....

*Later in conference room. Sisko, Odo, Kira, Worf, Dax, Bashir, and guest of
honor Morn are having a conference*

Sisko: Congratulations crew. We successfully got rid of Q without turning this into a six parter or something. Special thanx to Morn who turned Odo's embarrassing problem into a creative attribute!

Dax: Speech! Speech!

(Morn gets up to say something suddenly screen goes blank and goes directly to credits)


THE END!
 
 
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