Mission? What mission?
                              (deep space nine)
                        By Lisa Sanchelo & Karah Floyd
     
           (The Ds9 crew is on the Defiant)
SISKO: Major, where are we?
	(Kira shoots him a strange look)

KIRA: in cardassian space stupid!

ODO: be respectful!

KIRA: shutup you shape-shifting loser!

SISKO: (attempts one of his lame jokes) lets no get OPS-set in OPS!

	(whole crew moans)
	(Sisko clears his throat and continues)

SISKO: Anyway Kira the constable is right and I just
	wanted to know if we were there yet

KIRA: we are but if I were in charge wed turn back!

SISKO: That's why I'm captain and you're not! NA-NA-NA-BOO-BOO

	(Sisko jumps up on the helm and starts doing the moon walk)

DAX: Captain get off the helm the Cardassians are hailing us!

	(Sisko jumps off and runs to his chair)

SISKO: on screen!

GUL DUKAT: hello sisko,what are you doing here?

SISKO: oh nothing.... just cruisin'

ODO: Ha! 

KIRA: Shutup! Geez, not only are you a lousy parent your also terrible at
	keeping  secrets

	(Odo rushes out of the room)

GUL DUKAT: Sisko do you expect me to believe  that?

SISKO: well I was kinda hoping you would....

GUL DUKAT: Sisko, if you don't tell me what your up to ill have to slit your
	throat!

SISKO: Well that's not very Knife! get it knife, throat?

	(gul dukat rolls his eyes)

GUL DUKAT: Sisko-

	(Suddenly he winks off screen)

SISKO: Odo what happened. Odo, where is he?

DAX: was not,was not!

KIRA: was too, was too!

	(kira and Dax continue)

	was not!
	was too!
	was not!
	was too!
	SNOT-STEW!

O'BRIEN:  I love stew!

SISKO: Kira take his place and see what happened.

KIRA: Something's blocking the transmission

	(Realizing what has happened he rolls his eyes and taps his com 
	badge)

SISKO: SIsko to Odo, Constable get off the depression hotline!

ODO: this is only today's second call do you want to  use it?

SISKO: No, why would I want to use the  depression hotline?

ODO:  I thought maybe Westley had been visiting the station back home

	( Sisko shudders)

SISKO: No Gul Dukat was hailing us he's pretty mad.

ODO: I see. Why is he mad? Oh no you didn't tell him one of your lame
	jokes did you?

SISKO: Well they're not that lame 

ODO: (grunting) yeah whatever

	(suddenly the ship shakes violently and throughs Sisko to the 
	ground,and for some unknown reason Odo is perfectly alright except 
	he's somehow managed to mess up his hair???)

SISKO: (Tapping com badge) Chief, report!

O'BRIEN: something shot us and damaged  the warp core

SISKO:  well get to work on fixing it

O'BRIEN:  I would  captain but um...well Scotty's stuck in the controls

SISKO: what,where did Scotty come from?

O'BRIEN: Well I don't know

SISKO: Well heck get him out and off this ship we only need one obnoxious
	Irishmen here

(Scotty yelling in the background)

SCOTTY:  I'm not Irish I'm Scottish!

O'BRIEN:  Well okay but we'll need a crane and a security team just in case 
	anything else happens

	(Meanwhile a fleet of Cardassians Warships are preparing to attack 
	the Defiant)

KIRA:  Captain the transmission came through.Gul dukat wants to speak to you

SISKO:  oh no!  I have to think up more lame jokes,maybe I'll contact the 
	holodoc Voyager and borrow some of his

ODO:  If that doesn't work try rambling on and on about Jake until everyone 
	falls asleep.

SISKO: No, I've tried that already.

ODO: It was only a joke sir

SISKO: Oh of course, I knew that...uh O'brien! Now that I think of it, what 
	exactly was it that hit us?

O'BRIEN:  I'm not sure,but I think it was  a Cardassain warship or 
	something

SISKO:  WHAT?

ODO: WHAT?

KIRA: WHAT?

DAX: WHAT?

BASHIR: WHAT?

SCOTTY: (with a mouthful of  lamb stew) WHAT?

O'BRIEN: hey! that's my lunch you're eating

ODO: you forgot your fork

SISKO: O'brien if we were hit by a warship why didn't you tell me?

O'BRIEN: maybe you should ask the people on the bridge that question!!

KIRA: don't drag us into this Porky!

SCOTTY: I resent that remark!

	(O'brien elbows Scotty)

SCOTTY: hoo-hoo!

SISKO: if everybody isn't quiet in about two seconds I'm going to let Odo 
	whine about his lost childhood and retell Jake's entire life!

	(the whole crew is quiet including Odo who is finally sick of 
	whining and hearing about Jake)

KIRA: leave Odo alone!

SISKO: But you were making fun of him earlier!

KIRA: well I changed my mind then!

ODO: KIRA I LOVE YOU!

KIRA: SHUT-UP!

ODO: well make up your mind then!

SCOTTY: got anymore of that lamb stew?

ODO&KIRA: SHUTUP!

O'BRIEN: leave Scotty alone!

DAX: This isn't Ricki Lake and we are still under the threat of Cardassians

ODO: Don't you think its odd they waited for our entire conversation to be 
	over before they made ready to attack?

SISKO: those Cardassian morons! I faked a warp signature so they think we 
	are gone!

ODO: so in the middle of your converstation you made it look like we'd "turn 
	tail and run?"

DAX:  oh no I left the channel open!

KIRA: Great job you spotty trill slutt!

	(Kira gets ready to zap Dax with her bajoran ph
aser)
DAX: Odo we need you on the bridge ! And bring Dr. Bashir. 

Odo and Dr. Bashir: I'm on my way!

	(Odo rushes onto the bridge and holds Kira down while Dr. Bashir 
	gives her a heavy seditive)

	(odo carries Kira to sick bay)

DR.BASHIR: Couldnt you have just beat her up Dax?

DAX: Well I could have but I thought it would be funnier if we just gave her 
	a heavy seditive. By the way captain, Gul Dukat still wants to talk 
	to you.

SISKO: Put him on

	(Gul Dukat's ugly face appears on the screen)

GUL DUKAT: Your lame attemps at trickery are almost as lame as your jokes.

ODO: (inturrupting)  maybe so,but we have a secret weapon. Something more
	horrifying than your ugly face

GUL DUKAT: what could possibly be more horrifying than my ugly face?

ODO: Wesley! (holds wesley up by the back of his shirt) 

WESLEY: Mommy!

GUL DUKAT: No no Wesley!

ODO: Yes Wesley, and if you dont leave right now I'll transport him over to 
	your ship!

	(Gul Dukat doesn't answere.He's already gone at warp nine)

	(Odo turns off the hologram projecter.The hologram of Wesley 
	dissappears)

SISKO: Way ta'go O-DO!

KIRA: Yeah nice going Jello-man!

SCOTTY: Jello? where ya keeping the Jello?

WHOLE CREW: SHUTUP!

SISKO: Now that the Cardassians are gone we can get on with our mission

DAX: what is our mission anyway?

	(Everyone looks around and shrugs their shoulders)

SISKO: Oh,um....heh heh..... Let's go back to DS9

SISKO: Captain's log stardate 30938573.38463957 After tricking the 
	Cardassians with my ingenious plan I was able to continue with my 
	mission. Unfortunately I  have forgotten what that mission was....

THE END