By "Tim"
Location: Ops on a typical day. All the regulars are present along with
Jake and Nog who are arguing about last nights vole fight at Quarks.
Suddenly a man in a business suit appear out of nowhere.
Sisko: Who the hell are you? What are you doing here?
Stranger: We are lawyer. You will cease this violation of copyright laws
or we will sue you.
Sisko: We haven't done anything wrong.
Lawyer: According to US copyright laws you have. Now cease this
unauthorized show or we will sue you.
Sisko: I don't think you know whom you're dealing with. I'm Captain
Benjamin Sisko of Deep Space Nine.
Lawyer: No you are a man who thinks he is Benjamin Sisko. Now cease this
unauthorized show or we will sue you.
Sisko: Lawyers. Just as bad as the Borg.
Dax: Actually Benjamin, they're worse.
Sisko: Worse! In that case, I'd rather deal with the Borg. At least you
can try to reason with them.
O'Brien: Yeah but not very well.
Sisko: Chief, when I need your input I'll ask for it now get back to
fixing something.
O'Brien: Sorry sir.(Under his breath he mumbles "What side of whose bed
did you wake up on?")
Sisko: Say something chief?
O'Brien: No sir.
Sisko: Good. Now back to the lawyer. Anyone have any ideas on how we can
get rid of this menace?
Worf: We could shoot him.
Kira: I agree with Worf. Shoot him.
Bashir: We could blow him out of an airlock.
Kira: Even better. All in favor say Aye.
All: Aye.
Kira: Then it's settled. Out the airlock he goes.
Sisko: Wait a minute. Maybe we can reach his human side.
Dax: I doubt it. According to the computer. Lawyers were heartless
people who would sue their own grandmother to make a quick buck.
Sisko: All right then. Out the airlock.
Worf: I'd rather shoot him.
Kira: Shut up already.
Worf:(grinding teeth)Yes ma'am.
Kira: good. Worf you grab his arms. Odo you turn yourself into a cart or
something so we can strap him down. Bashir you sedate him and Dax
you get his legs. Everyone go on one.
All: yes sir.
Kira: GO!
[Instantly everyone does their job and in no time flat the lawyer is
strapped down, sedated, and on his way to the airlock.}
Kira: All right. Worf open the door and Dax you push him inside.
Dax: What about Odo?
Kira: Odo? Who cares about Odo?
Odo: I care about Odo.
Kira: Sorry Odo. I forgot you were still there. Ok, Odo you get him in
the airlock. Now Worf close the hatch and send him on his merry
way.
Worf: With pleasure but I'd rather shoot him.
Kira: I've had it with you! Let's shoot this and let's shoot that. We
shot the last lawyer who came here.
Worf: Yeah, but you got to blow the last three politicians out of the
airlock.
Kira: I'm the ranking officer here. Not you.
Worf: Whatever.
Kira: That's it.[She opens the airlock door and pushes Worf through. On
his way out Worf grabs Kira an pulls her with him.]
Kira: Let go of me you... you... Klingon!
Worf: Never!
Sisko: Dammit. Now how am I going to explain this one to StarFleet.
Dax: I don't know but you better make it good. That's the tenth crew
member whose been dragged out of the airlock this week.
Sisko: The tenth? I thought it was four.
Dax: No. It's the tenth.
Sisko: Ouch.
[Back in his office Sisko sits down to write his report.}
Captains log, Stardate 12345.6: Today we encountered a life form called
a lawyer. It's skin was an Armani suit. The hair was a solid plate
of grease and its briefcase was surgically attached to its hand.
It was very efficient. The Borg should take notes form this guy.
[As Sisko finishes his log he hears a creaking in the wall]
Sisko: What the Sisko to Chief O'Brien.
O'Brien.: O'Brien. here.
Sisko: Chief is there something wrong with the wall in my office?
O'Brien.: I'm reading some structural weakening. Wait. Sir, get out of
your office. It's back.
Sisko: What's back?
O'Brien.: The lawyer!
Sisko: What!? Back? I thought he was dead?
O'Brien.: That's what you get for thinking.
Sisko: Oh shut Ahhhhhhhhh!
[Before Sisko can finish his sentence the wall opens up and he's sucked
out into space.] |
