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star trek the next generation

Top 21 Signs That The Enterprise Is Nearing The End Of It's Warranty

21: Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

20: Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

19: Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

18: Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.

17: Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

16: Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

15: Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.

14: Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

13: Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

12: Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.

11: Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.

10: Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.

9: Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.

8: Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.

7: Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.

6: Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.

5: Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.

4: Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please with sugar on it".

3: Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes and loses access to nude volleyball program.

2: Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.

1: Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.
star trek the next generation
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