star trek the next generation

What may NEVER happen in Star Trek: The Next Generation...

Data finds absolutely nothing  curious  for an entire episode.

Picard dispenses with his  We mean you no harm  greeting and barks  Get out of our way or we'll kick your ass! 

Data says  Hey-D, what am I, an encyclopedia?  Look it up yourself! 

Troi brags  I know something you don't know! 

Troi understands everything the aliens are trying to tell the crew and saves them an entire hour of confusion.

Dr. Crusher easily diagnoses and quickly cures any ailments.

Worf looks under his bed and in his closet before going to sleep.

Any alien threat uses ancient and outdated weapons which are no match for the crew.

Any knife or sword used in a combat scene will actually show blood.

Picard finds some perfectly fitting clothes that he never has to adjust.

Q drops by for a visit and nothing exciting whatsoever happens.

Riker will have the same way of saying  Red Alert! 

Upon encountering an evil-looking alien ship, Picard says  We'd better get the hell out of here! 

Due to a strange alien influence, every girl on the ship wants to make love to Geordi LaForge.

Worf finds nothing at all admirable about a strange, new, warrior race or their weapons:  What a bunch of idiots to fight! 

Some alien isn't after revenge and everyone gets along just fine.

Data keeps blinking  12:00. 

Any bizarre happening is in no way attributed to a spatial anomaly or time displacement.

The shuttlecraft/transporter returns the crew to a perfectly normal ship where nothing has

happened during their absence.

Troi gripes,  I can't sense a damn thing except your hand on my butt. 

Before battle, Worf confides in Riker,  I'm scared. 

Villains wear bright, eye-catching, color-coordinated attire.

A legal case is settled out-of-court to everyone's satisfaction.

Anyone ranking above Captain is perfectly sane and well-adjusted.

Any parties requesting a mediator quickly settle their differences before the arrival of the


A temporal displacement fails to land our heroes in the vicinity of San Francisco.

Every ship in the Galaxy class fails to be destroyed.

When time-travelling, the crew does not worry about altering history.

Time-travel fails to land our heroes at a pivotal point in Earth's history.

A strange, alien infection or plan fails to influence a major character.

Worf shows his sensitive, nurturing, and humorous inner child.

A dead or near-death character fails to experience flashbacks of  pivotal events in his/her life.

The featured  brilliant' scientist turns out to be mediocre and not very smart after all.

After the entire crew has been rendered unconscious, they begin to wake up at different times.

A minor character or random crewman is abducted for bizarre alien experimentation.

Prisoners are thoroughly searched before being placed in the brig.

Disasters fail to kill the highest-ranking crewmen in several departments, and there is not a severe personnel shortage.

Starships can take many weapons hits without fear of a warp-core breach.

Geordi gets the girl.

An ambassador is transported to a mediation and actually turns out to be useful.

Shuttlecraft are well-designed, well-built, and very durable under attack.

The strange, innovative alien technology found is actually used at a later date.

Kahless the Unforgettable, greatest Klingon warrior of all time: gay.

Anyone playing a Vulcan does not use the word  illogical  for an entire episode.

Worf, Son of Mogh: pees while sitting down.

The Enterprise finds the missing ship in a normal area of space.

The away team beams down to a planet not threatened by a natural disaster.

Geordi or Data make it through an entire episode without having to  reconfigure,   recalibrate,  or  modify  something.

StarFleet tells Picard everything he wants to know at first contact.

Troi quits StarFleet and runs away with the Duras Sisters.

The holodecks are built with a remarkable safety feature for emergencies: a password that quits and saves the program in progress, and an ingenious device-a manual door handle so it can be opened from the outside.

Geordi doesn't act like a jerk whenever someone tries to help him with HIS engines.

Worf considers suicide when Alexander tells him he wants to be either a ballet dancer or


The crew begins to worry when Data has read  2001: A Space Odyssey  3,284 times and begins calling everyone  Dave. 

Geordi doesn't gripe about his VISOR.

Picard shows Vash the *real*  Picard Maneuver. 

Troi finally snaps and says  You're not paranoid--people really do hate you. 

People don't get out of Worf's way when they see him walking down the corridor toward them.

In an incredible bit of genius, StarFleet Command comes to the conclusion that Romulans, posing as Vulcans, actually *are* able to spy against the Federation.

In his family album, Picard discovers that his 20th century ancestors used Bobby Brady's  Neat-n-Natural Hair Tonic. 

Worf remarks that he feels just fine in his warm room, fluffy pillow, and cozy bed.

In a debt of gratitude, Q gives Picard his true hairstyle back: dreadlocks.

Worf:  Klingons do not *wipe* after using the bathroom .

 Make it so.  No, wait--maybe not. 

Nobody goes into the bathroom for 3 hours after Worf comes out.

Geordi tells Picard he'll fix the warp drive  Sometime next week between 9 AM and 5 PM. 

The Enterprise visits a new planet where all the inhabitants and computers communicate in

Windows 95.  Unable to communicate for 2 weeks, the Enterprise departs and never returns.

Worf visits the Klingon Homeworld on a bright, sunny, day.

An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful,  would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant. 

A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction

trapping him/her there.

Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say  Come. 

Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with  Make it so! 

Picard walks up to the replicator and says,  Coke on ice. 

Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.

Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.

Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting,  Did he read you love poetry?!  Did he serve you poisonous tea?!  He's MINE! 

When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range, no one says  On screen. 

Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails before arming weapons.

Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck (pity this wasn't done in  Cause and Effect  when we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).

Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being an arrogant brat, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.

Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).

The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seemingly sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.

Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.

Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flash and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.

Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.

Data falls in love with the replicator.

Aboard the Enterprise... Pvt. Hudson:  Hey, Data, do the thing with the knife!  (From  Aliens ).

The Enterprise receives a Priority One distress call, but Picard says,  Screw them, we're going to Risa for shore leave. 

When tranquilizers run out on the Enterprise, Dr. Crusher enlists Worf to smack the patient into unconsciousness.

Worf is on  Klingon Love Connection  :  She slapped me, yelled at me, and threw heavy objects at me.  It was a great first date. 

Spock, Data, and Q on  Jeopardy:  Spock knows the exact answer, Data gives a 3-minute history of his answer with annotations, and Q has already won before the questions are read.

Worf's first roommate at the Academy was a Romulan.

It is discovered that Worf was nicknamed  the Clogging Klingon  at the Academy, but nobody is brave enough to make fun of him.

Riker will eat Heart of Targ, Pipius Claw, and Gagh, but for some reason still won't eat SPAM.

Before Picard tugged on his shirt when standing up, he used to pull his pants out of his crack.

After retiring from StarFleet, Deanna Troi starts her new  Empathic Friends Network,  with the slogan  We have a vague impression that you need help. 

Data quits Starfleet and gets a job on  Saturday Night Live.   Shortly thereafter, after over 400 years of comedy, the show is canceled.

Worf, sitting on the toilet, yells  Fire torpedoes! 

Riker decides to accept his own command.

Guinan introduces Worf to *real* warrior's food: milk and cookies.

Worf assembles his little maxims into a book,  All I Really Need to Know in Life I Learned from Combat. 
star trek the next generation
Back to the Fun Gallery