star trek the next generation

101 Ways Wesley Crusher Could DIE

101. Stick Him in a Red Shirt (ST:TOS) Contributed by Greg Placencia

100. Killed by angry Star Trek fans while on a mission through time at a symposium - location: anywhere!

99. Beamed into empty space, seen exploding just outside Beverly's viewport -- Ouch!

98. Killed by Beverly while sleeping (very interesting!)

97. Killed by Picard after accidentally sending the Enterprise into the sun.

96. Killed by falling rocks at Yosemite (ST V)

95. Killed by transporter malfunction - molecular cohesion lost, turned into a blob (ST: TMP)

94. Killed in holodeck malfunction: Hard Drive Crash - disappears mysteriously without a trace.

93. Holodeck safeties fail - burned at the stake in Salem...

92. Killed by Romulans after War Crimes trial (ST VI)

91. Killed on runabout in a bizarre accident - dumps plasma, ignites, blows up warp core.

90. Killed in misunderstanding between Cardassians and Romulans - Romulans thought he was still a member of starfleet - actually defecting to the Romulans.

89. Caught reprogramming the Kobayashi Maru simulator - imprisoned for life, commits suicide using a Romulan disruptor.

88. Stabbed by Cardassian through the heart in a fight over a game of strip poker.

87. Creates a mutation of nannites that attack his shuttle and cause it to enter a star.

86. Killed by sudden resurgance of K.E.H.L. (Keep Earth Human League)

85. Decides to drink a Klingon alcoholic beverage (baaaaaad idea....)

84. Kills himself after he gets transporter insanity.

83. Killed by transporter malfunction in which he becomes inverted (insides out, etc.)

82. Killed by electrical fire in shuttlecraft.

81. Killed by automatic defenses of Borg ship while attempting to escape.

  For the next few, imagine that Wesley goes through the DS9 wormhole. He then proceeds to travels to... the television planet, a
planet where everything and everyone is from a TV series or a motion picture:

80. Joined the cast of Star Wars and was killed by bounty hunters.

79. Meets himself in TNG, realizes that the universe would be better without him , and kills himself.

78. Decapitated by a crashing helicopter while in Twilight Zone-The Movie (Phineas Narco, edited)

77. Shot by Darion Lambert on Time Trax. He has already been hit by three red pellets, but he is hit again, and his mind is scattered through time.

76. Meets Nermal on Garfield and Friends and kills himself because he is no longer the most obnoxious thing in the universe.

75. Falls in love with 90210 star and never returns to reality.

74. Falls in love with cult leader who eats him alive.

73. Accused of raping CBS wetern character and hung.

72. Changes his name to Mike, gets caught by the Mads (MST 3K) and is sent to replace Joel and is forced to watch the worst movies ever made.

71. Was caught trying to smuggle a sacred flower onto Babylon 5 and was sent to prison after completely losing his mind. He was later hung.

70. Joined the cast of Twin Peaks and got cancelled.

69. Joined the cast of TOS and almost got cancelled several times before he was finally cancelled.

68. Became a stand-in for the great sword-swallower.

67. Played a stunt role in an unreleased full-length feature film version of Edgar Allen Poe's classic The Pit and the Pendulum.

66. Played the worker in Lethal Weapon 3 - you know, the one who got pushed into the concrete.

65. Was eaten by Jaws.

64. Joined the Full House cast and died of a heart-attack while trying to endure Danny Tanner's worst stand-up comedy act.

63. Played role of wife in movie version of Poe's The Black Cat.

62. Played the leading role in Julius Caesar.... (Played Julius Caesar, death by stabbing, etc.)

61. Turned into a maid on the movie Ice Pirates. (If you haven't seen it, don't bother to go rent it....)

60. Killed when shuttlecraft undergoes sudden decompression....

59. Meets himself in the past and doesn't recognize himself, gets into an argument with himsef, kills himself, and ceases to exist.

58. Devoured by a pack of genetically-altered, flesh-eating tribbles.

57. Beamed down with controls accidentally set for maximum dispersion.

56. "Accidentally" beamed into a star.

55. [Presumably due to sensor error,] beamed into a bulkhead.

54. Sent to Klingon prison world (Rura Penthe) for war crimes, and freezes to death.

53. Falls into vat of hydrochloric acid.

52. Accidentally "falls" into nacelle - Picard *tries* to catch him...

51. Falls in love with Deanna Troi - killed by Worf.

50. Falls in love with Deanna Troi - killed by Riker.

49. Falls in love with Deanna Troi - killed by Worf and Riker.

48. Falls in love with Isabella (Imaginary Friend) and she lures him into a nebula. His shields fail and she absorbs his life force.

47. Falls in love with Dax - killed by Bashir.

46. Falls in love with Klingon - killed while mating.

45. Falls in love with Tasha Yar and, thus, buries himself on the holodeck.

44. Falls in love with a ferengii and is shot out of orbit after forgetting the third rule of acquisition.

43. Falls out of an airlock on Starbase 102.

42. Trapped forever in an old computer core beamed into empty space.

41. Trapped in a shuttlecraft with no engines, no communications, and no emergency suits, but twenty-five years of life support - a very long death....

40. Captured by Cardassians on a secret mission and forced to listen to 18 hours of bad beginning violin student recitals before he finally took his own life.

39. Drowned in a freak shuttlecraft crash in the middle of the Pacific ocean....

38. During a trip to Alaska, he is attacked by arctic wolves and eaten slowly, bit by bit.

37. After traveling back in time, he is executed for participating in the Tiennamen Square riots.

36. He is electrocuted while repairing a computer core on a Romulan ship. (The Federation was so overjoyed that they officially ended a five-year long war between the Romulans and the Federation.)

35. He stumbles onto a new set of high-efficiency warp field equations and is able to travel at warp 100. Unfortunately, his sensors fail midway, and he is forced to navigate manually. He crashed into a star and blew it out, destroying an entire civilization (the Cardassians) and saving another (humanity).

34. He is assimilated by the Borg.

33. He refuses to join the Q continuum and is killed by another bizarre tornado.

32. He is incorrectly transported and is reduced to elementary carbon, oxygen, and hydrogen atoms.

31. In a brilliant scientific acheivement, his brain is transferred into Spot (Data's cat).

30. Picard tries to catch him when he jumps from a burning building, but misses.

29. Trapped in a turbolift that plummets to the lowest deck of the Enterprise.

28. Dies while attempting to eat Gach (Klingon worms).

27. Dies in a shuttle bay malfunction - his ship is cut in half by the Enterprise's shuttle bay doors.

26. Gunned down in front of a 7-11 in New York City in the 20th century.

25. Trapped in space when his shuttlecraft turns out to be Odo.

24. Death in car crash - didn't see the severe tire damage sign and ran into a house.

23. Death by lightning strike.

22. Death in airplane crash - Capt. Picard "forgot" to fix Wesley's parachute....

21. Hit by runaway taxi cab in San Francisco when its paring brake failed and it rolled down a loooooong hill.

20. Killed when his shuttlecraft hit a gravitic mine.

19. Death by radiation sickness when trapped in a shuttlecraft with shields down near a shuttlecraft whose warp core breached.

18. Death by pressure wave when trapped in an old starship whose warp core breached (accidentally...).

17. Death from plasma burns after being ordered by Commander Troi to repair a damaged plasma conduit while the ship was in warp. **Ouch!**

16. Death from asphyxiation when his shuttlecraft's life support began to fail slowly. ****O-u-c-h!****

15. Death from overdose of morphine from plasma burns received while repairing warp conduit.

14. Death from contact with antimatter after strange transporter coordinate error beamed him into his shuttlecraft's antimatter containment pod.

13. Killed himself after insanity caused by a Vulcan mind-meld gone amuck and broken in the middle.

12. Killed by a turbolift malfunction in which the doors opened with the car twenty levels below.

11. Killed by the bends after surfacing from a sunken shuttlecraft.

10. Killed by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge on a dare from his former friends at the academy.

9. Killed during phasing tests when he rephased within a wall of granite.

8. Killed while using tek to access the Internet by security systems.

7. Killed while trying to escape from a Romulan prison.

6. Killed on the operating table by a careless surgeon attempting to perform plastic surgery.

5. Killed because of hemhorraging due to brain transplant.

4. Killed by spacesuit leak while repairing the AE-35 antenna module. (2001 - Clarke, Arthur C.)

3. Killed while in engineering during a warp core eject.

2. Incorrectly listed as dead due to computer error and cremated.

1. Incorrectly identified as dead due to tricorder malfunction and buried alive!

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