- Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
- Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
- Kirk has sex more than once a season.
- One word: Hair.
- Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-wig.
- Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
- Picard is a Frenchman with an English accent.
- Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences !!
- Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
- Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smile.
- Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
- Two words: Shoulder roll.
- Kirk doesn't wear dresses when Admirals arrive for lunch.
- Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty".
- Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
- Kirk can almost drive a stick-shift.
- Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
- Kirk says, "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
- Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
- Kirk was never infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
- Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
- Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
- Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
- Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those pesky Yeomans.
- Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something as stupid as Dixon Hill.
- Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
- One word: Velour.
- Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
- When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
- When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
- Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
- One word: Iman.
- Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
- If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and shit down its neck.
- Kirk says: "Shoot first and wait for retaliation".
- Kirk's first officer never tells him to stay on the bridge.
- Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
- Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
- Two words: Funky sideburns.
- Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
- Kirk never once said: "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!".
- Kirk is not politically correct.
- Kirk never got dumped by a woman for an intergalactic busybody named after a letter of the alphabet.
- Kirk never once wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
- If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
- Ever heard of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
- One word: Miniskirts.
- Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
- Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
- Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
- Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
- The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "Go F**k Yourself."
- If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
- Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
- Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
- If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
- Picard never met Joan Collins.
- Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
- Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
- Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
- Two words: Line delivery.
- Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
- Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
- Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies (Need we say more?).
- Kirk is not put off by green skin.
- Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippie goofs.
- Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
- Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
- Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
- One word: Fisticuffs.
- Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
- Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
- You can never lock Kirk up for very long.
- Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
- Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
- Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
- Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
- Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
- The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
- Kirk's bridge is not beige.
- Two words: Crane shots.
- Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
- Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things like Tribbles.
- Kirk is a cultural icon - Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
- Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
- Kirk would never touch Synthahol.
- Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes".
- Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis and even the Pentagon - easily.
- Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
- When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
- Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
- Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
- Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
- When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he means it.
- Three words: Flying leg kick.
- Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
- Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
- Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
- Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear A ponytail.
- One word: Balls.
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