- Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
- He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
- You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
- He refers to Klingons as "Critters"
- He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
- He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
- There is a stuffed possum in the Ready Room
- He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
- He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
- He resigned his command because he always wanted to own a fireworks stand
- He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
- He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
- He replicates items from the Graceland gift shop
- The primary colour of the Starship is "bondo"
- He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
- He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "E"gage"
- He can't wait to go off-duty, so he can wear his favourite baseball cap
- He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
- He's ever been too drunk to use the Transporter
- His Starfleet uniform has a slogan on it
- He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
- He tries to pick up alien women with animal noises and seductive tongue gestures
- Visiting dignitaries have heard about his giant beer can collection
- He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
- He calls his second-in-command "Buddy", instead of "Number One"
- He watches professional wrestling on the main viewscreen
- His orders to set coordinates include the phrase "Over yonder"
- He paints the starship John Deere green
- He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
- There is a spit cup attached to his command chair
- He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
- His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
- He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
- He grabs an Ensign and says "Lookit this before I flush it!"
- His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
- He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
- His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans & weenies
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