Your Captain Might Be A Redneck If...

  • Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

  • He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles

  • You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"

  • He refers to Klingons as "Critters"

  • He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"

  • He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil

  • There is a stuffed possum in the Ready Room

  • He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section

  • He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"

  • He resigned his command because he always wanted to own a fireworks stand

  • He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

  • He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle

  • He replicates items from the Graceland gift shop

  • The primary colour of the Starship is "bondo"

  • He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it

  • He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "E"gage"

  • He can't wait to go off-duty, so he can wear his favourite baseball cap

  • He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser

  • He's ever been too drunk to use the Transporter

  • His Starfleet uniform has a slogan on it

  • He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"

  • He tries to pick up alien women with animal noises and seductive tongue gestures

  • Visiting dignitaries have heard about his giant beer can collection

  • He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens

  • He calls his second-in-command "Buddy", instead of "Number One"

  • He watches professional wrestling on the main viewscreen

  • His orders to set coordinates include the phrase "Over yonder"

  • He paints the starship John Deere green

  • He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"

  • There is a spit cup attached to his command chair

  • He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"

  • His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale

  • He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"

  • He grabs an Ensign and says "Lookit this before I flush it!"

  • His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls

  • He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge

  • His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans & weenies