45. Make everyone on the show completely forget about Kes so that
Neelix -- wait, they've already done that one.

44. Intercept Seven's next message to Ops and doodle "Seven of
Kim" all over it before sending it back on its way.

43. Slip a note to Paris that the guy in the alien full-body suit is
none other than Eddie Van Halen.

42. Reprogram Tuvok's personal holodeck programs so that they are
Neelix's children's tales and make Tuvok have to complete the
stories before he can leave.

41. Suddenly shout out "Enemy starship off the port bow!" and
watch everyone go to red alert and battlestations. Then tell them the
ship has been boarded, but keep changing the location of the
"intruders."

40. While Seven is regenerating, replace her uniform with one
slightly bigger in the bust area, so she thinks they are shrinking.

39. Drug Lt. Torres, let her wake up in the holodeck with a "Jeffries
tubemaze" program. Tell her that she was "sleepwalking" again and
have her report to engineering.

38. Replace the current wick in Tuvok's meditation lamp with a
trick wick that won't blow out.

37. Sneak into Harry's quarters at night and paint Tiresian spots on
his face while he sleeps.

36. Alter the "Insurrection Alpha" holoprogram so that, no matter
what choices Tom makes, he ends up scrubbing the plasma manifold.

35. Hand Seven a big bowl of M&M's and tell her that Neelix needs
her help peeling them, so that he can make chocolate chip cookies.

34. Project random holographic representations of Kes just
disappearing around the corners of various ship's corridors.

33. Plant fake journals in select crew members' quarters detailing
their sexual encounters with blonde aliens whom they don't
remember.

32. Tom Paris, Stuck in slip-stream drive with no girls and only
Chakotay and Tuvok for company...scary.

31. Float a raisin in Janeway's coffee and ask her if the ship has a
problem with rats.

30. Replace the innards of Chakotay's peyote device with a
handshake buzzer.

29. Shave Janeway's head while she's sleeping and then have
everyone call her "Ma Capitaine."

28. Convince Harry Kim women really, really love a man in a kilt.

27. Pipe a Paris/Torres rendezvous in the Camero to the bridge. -- "
--> 21. Tell Neelix his pleeka-rind casserole has come to life and
taken over the ship.

20. Tell Tom Paris that B'Elanna Torres' engineer's smock isn't
really for tools -- it's a maternity outfit.

19. Hide all the phaser rifles and tell Janeway that aliens have
boarded the ship.

18. Have Torres' weekly diagnostic of the Doctor include examining
all of his added subroutines for defects...or unexpected power surges.

17. Tell Seven that Kes has a new contract with Paramount at twice
Seven's salary.

16. Tell Harry that he's been assigned to instruct Seven in CPR, and
tell Seven he's teaching her hand-to-hand combat techniques.

15. Replace Neelix's jars of Talaxian spices with Play Doh.

14. Play scavenger hunt with Tuvok's Kal-to pieces in Hydroponics.

13. Rig Voyager's computer so that it secretly sends out the
repeating message, "Hi! We love it when alien races fire at us
without warning and try to take over our ship!"

12. Take a bite of Neelix' food, secretly pop two dry Alka Selzer
and then writhe about on the floor while foaming at the mouth.

11. Make the sound of tearing cloth whenever Seven bends over or
sits down.

10. Put all of Janeway's hairpins in a chain.

9. Tell Paris the Delaney sisters are looking for him.

8. Take apart a shuttlecraft and reassemble it in the Observation
Lounge.

7. Tell Neelix to, "take the cheese to Sickbay."

6. Reprogram the computer to play "The Song That Never Ends"
every time the ship drops out of warp.

5. Hide Neelix's chef's toque.

4. Cross program Janeway's Victorian holo-novel with Torres'
holo-novel "Epic of Kahless."

3. Re-program the computer to call Janeway "Snookums."

2. Tell Chakotay that the captain "wants you in her quarters on the
double and at the ready."

1. Delete all references to three years of alien encounters, hide
Neelix and Seven, program Earth to show at all windows and
viewscreens, and treat Janeway like a mental patient.