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Spongebob Squarepants Movie Script - Dialogue Transcript

Spongebob Squarepants Movie Script

I got it! I got it! I got it!

Dinghy ahoy.

Dinghy off the port bow.

- Dinghy off the port bow!
- Dinghy off the port bow!

Dinghy off the port bow.

- Captain, dinghy off the...
- Dinghy.

I got it!

I got it.

Where is it?

It's right here, captain.

I never thought I'd see it
with me own eye.

Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie!

Who lives in a pineapple
Under the sea?

Absorbent and yellow
And porous is he

SpongeBob SquarePants

If nautical nonsense
Be something you wish

SpongeBob SquarePants

Then drop on the deck
And flop like a fish

SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants

The sea. So mysterious,
so beautiful. So...


Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's
popular undersea eatery

The Krusty Krab restaurant, where...

- Back up. Back up.
- Hey. Wait a minute.

- What is happening?
- Please, settle down.

We've got a situation in there

I'd rather not discuss
till me manager gets here.

Look, there he is.

Talk to me, Krabs.

It started out as a simple order:
A Krabby Patty with cheese.

When the customer took a bite,

no cheese!

Get ahold of yourself, Eugene.
I'm going in.

Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager
of this establishment.

Everything's gonna be just fine.

- I'm really scared here, man.
- You got a name?

- Phil.
- You got a family, Phil?

Come on, Phil, stay with me.
Let's hear about that family.

I got a wife
and two beautiful children.

That's what it's all about.
I want you to do me a favor, Phil.


Say cheese.

Order up.

Three cheers for the manager!

Hip! Hip!

Hip! Hip!

Hip! Hip!


Gary, I had that dream again.

And it's finally gonna
come true. Today.

Sorry about this, calendar.

Because today is the grand-opening
ceremony for The Krusty Krab  

where Mr. Krabs will announce
the new manager.

Who's it gonna be, Gary?

Well, let's ask my wall
of     consecutive

employee-of-the-month awards.

SpongeBob SquarePants.

I'm ready. Promotion.

Cleanliness is next to

I'm ready. Promotion.

I'm ready. Promotion.

What are you doing in here?

I have to tell you something,

Whatever it is,
can't it wait until we get to work?

- There's no shower at work.
- What do you want?

I just wanted to say
I'll be thanking you

in my managerial acceptance
speech today.

Get out!

Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony.

That sounds like the manager
of the new Krusty Krab  .

Oops. Hold on.

- Congratulations, buddy.
- Oh, thanks, Patrick.

And tonight, after my big promotion,
we're gonna party till we're purple.

I love being purple!

We're going to the place
where all the action is.

- You don't mean...?
- Oh, I mean.

Goofy Goober's Ice Cream
Party Boat!

Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah

We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

I'd better get going.

I'm ready. Promotion.
I'm ready. Promotion.

Good luck, SpongeBob.
Hey, look for me at the ceremony.

I got a little surprise for you.

I'm a Goofy Goober

Hello, Bikini Bottom!

Perch Perkins here, coming
to you live from in front of

The Krusty Krab restaurant,

for years the only place
to get a delicious

and mouthwatering Krabby Patty.
Until today, that is.

That's right, folks. Longtime owner
Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant

called The Krusty Krab  .

First of all,
congratulations, Mr. Krabs.

Hello. I like money.

What inspired you to build
a second Krusty Krab

right next door to the original?



It's not fair.

Krabs is being interviewed
by Perch Perkins,

and I've never even had
one customer!

Don't get worked up again, Plankton,
I just mopped the floors.

Oh, Karen, my computer wife,
if only I could have managed to steal

the secret to Krabs' success,

the formula for the Krabby Patty.

Then people would line up
to eat at my restaurant.

Lord knows I've tried.

I've exhausted every evil plan
in my filing cabinet...

...from A to Y.
- A to Y?

Yeah, A to Y.
You know, the alphabet.

What about Z?

- Z?
- Z. The letter after Y.

W, X, Y,

Z. Plan Z!

- Here it is, just like you said.
- Oh, boy.

It's evil.

It's diabolical.

It's lemon-scented.

This Plan Z can't possibly fail!

So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs,

because by tomorrow,
I'll have the formula.

Then everyone will eat
at the Chum Bucket,

and I will rule the world!

All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...!

I'm ready. Promotion.
I'm ready. Promotion.

I think I stepped in something.

Not in something,
on someone, you twit.

Sorry, Plankton.

Are you on your way
to the grand-opening ceremony?

No, I am not on my way over
to the grand-opening ceremony.

I'm busy planning to rule the world!

Well, good luck with that.

I'm ready. Promotion.
I'm ready. Promotion.

Stupid kid.

Welcome. Welcome, everyone,
to the grand opening

of The Krusty Krab  .

- We paid $  for this?
- I paid   .

Now, before we begin
with the ribbon-cutting,

I'd like to announce the name
of our new manager.

Yay! Yeah!

Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah!

Yes. Well, anyway...

The new manager is a loyal,
hard-working employee.


The obvious choice for the job.

He's right.

A name you all know.
It starts with an S.

- That's me.
- Please welcome our new manager...

...Squidward Tentacles.

Yes! Yeah!

Oh, better luck next time, buddy.

Yeah! All right!

People of Bikini Bottom,
as the manager of...


Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an
important news flash from Mr. Krabs.

Go ahead, Mr. K.

I'm making a complete what
of myself?

The most embarrassing thing
you've ever seen?

And now it's worse
because I'm repeating

everything you say
into the microphone?

Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob,
you didn't get the job.

- What?
- You did not get the job.

But... But why?

SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook,

but I gave the job to Squidward
because being manager

is a big responsibility.

Well, let's face it, he's more...

...mature than you.
- I'm not...


Lad, I mean this
in the nicest of ways,

but there's a word for what you are,

and that word is...

Now, let's see...

- Dork?
- No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.

- A goofball?
- Closer, but no, no, no.

- A ding-a-ling.
- Wing nut.

A Knucklehead McSpazatron.

Okay, that's enough.

Look, what I'm trying to say is,
you're just a kid.

And to be a manager,
you have to be a man.

Otherwise they'd call it "kid-ager. "

You understand-ager?
I mean, you understand?

I guess so, Mr. Krabs.


I'm ready. Depression.

I'm ready. Depression.

Poor kid.

Hooray for SpongeBob!

Hooray for SpongeBob!

Let's hear it for SpongeBob!


Where'd everybody go?

Did I miss something?

Did you see my butt?

Later that evening...

Time to put Plan Z into effect.

Starting at the undersea castle
of King Neptune.

Oh, right.

The royal court is now in session.

Bring the prisoner forward.

So you have confessed to the crime
of touching the king's crown.

- Yes, but...
- But what?

But it's my job, Your Highness.
I'm the royal crown polisher.

Well, then I guess
I can't execute you.

- Twenty years in the dungeon it is.
- Daddy.

You're free to go.

Bless you, Princess Mindy.

Mindy, how dare you defy me.

Why do you have to be so mean?

I am the king.
I must enforce the laws of the sea.

Father, I wish you'd try
a little love and compassion

instead of these harsh punishments.

That would be nice.

Squire, clear the room.

I wish to speak
to my daughter alone.

What is this, Mindy?

- Your crown?
- And what does this crown do?

- Covers your bald spot.
- It's not bald, it's


This crown does much more
than cover a slightly receding hairline.

No, this crown entitles the one who
wears it to be in charge of the sea.

One day, you will wear this crown.

I'm gonna be bald?


Anyway, the point is,
you won't wear it

until you learn how to rule
with an iron fist.

Like your father.

Dad, your "crown"...

What the...?

My crown!

Someone has stolen
the royal crown!

I got it. I got it.

Hey, all you Goobers,
it's time to say howdy

to your favorite undersea peanut,
Goofy Goober.

Howdy, Goofy Goober!

Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers.
Time to sing.

Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah

We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

All right. Get it together, old boy.

I know. I'll just stop thinking about it.

Hey, you know,
I actually feel a little better.

I don't even remember
why I was sad.

Hey, it's the new
Krusty Krab   manager.

Wow, the pressure's
already setting in.

No, Pat, you don't understand.

I didn't get the promotion.

What? Why?

Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid.

- What? That's insane.
- I know.

Well, saying you're a kid,
it's like saying I'm a kid.

- Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
- I'm supposed to get a toy with this.


I'm gonna head home, Pat.
The celebration's off.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood.

Okay, see you.

And here's your Triple
Gooberberry Sunrise, sir.

Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh?

I guess I could use one of those.

Now you're talking.

Hey, waiter, we need
another one over here.

There you go.

Boy, Pat, that hit the spot.

- I'm feeling better already.
- Yeah.

Waiter, let's get
another round over here.

Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please.


Oh, waiter.



- Waiter!
- Why do I always get the nuts?

All right, folks, this one goes out
to my two bestest friends

in the whole world:

Patrick and this big peanut guy.

It's a little ditty called...


Hey. Hey, get up.

Hey, come on, buddy.
I wanna go home.

Come on, pal.

Oh, my head.

Listen to me. It's   in the morning.

Go scrape up your friend
and get going.

My friend?

Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy?

Wait, you said  :  .

I'm late for work.
Mr. Krabs is gonna be...

Mr. Krabs.

Now, pay attention, Squidward.

As new manager, you've gotta keep
a sharp eye out for paying customers.


What's this? King Neptune is riding
toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime.

He's got money.

Stay in the coach, daughter.
This won't take long.

Daddy, please.
I think you're overreacting.

Silence, Mindy.
I know what I'm doing.

- Squire.
- Yes, Your Highness.

Have this pole executed at once.

A hundred and one dollars
for a Krabby Patty?

With cheese, Mr. Squidward,
with cheese.

Greeting, subjects.

I seek the one known
as Eugene Krabs.

May he present himself
to me at once.

I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness.
Would you like to order something?

Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs!

You have stolen the royal crown,
you cannot deny.

For, clever as you are,

you left one damning piece of evidence
at the scene of the crime.

"I stole your crown.
Signed, Eugene Krabs. "

Relinquish the royal crown
to me at once.

But... But this is crazy. I didn't do it.

Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs.
Leave a message.

Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay,
the guy you sold Neptune's crown to.

Yeah, I just wanted to say
thanks again for selling me the crown.

Neptune's crown.
I sold it to a guy in Shell City,

and I just wanted to say thanks again
for selling me the crown.

Neptune's crown.

Which is now in Shell City.

Don't you just hate wrong numbers?

My crown is in
the forbidden Shell City?!

Plan Z. I love Plan Z.

Prepare to burn, Krabs.

Wait, Neptune.
Please, I'm begging you.

I ain't a crook.
Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me.

Very well, then.

Before I turn this conniving
crustacean into fishmeal,

who here has anything to say
about Eugene Krabs?

I've got something to say
about Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob, me boy,
you've come just in time.

- Pardon me, miss.
- Please, tell King Neptune

all about me.

I have worked for Mr. Krabs
for many years

and always thought
he was a great boss.

You see? A great boss.

I now realize
that he's a great big jerk!

I deserve that manager's job!

But you didn't give it to me,
because you say I'm a kid.

Well, I am    -percent man!

And this man has got
something to say to you.

There. I think I made my point.

Anyone else?

No? Well, then.

Me pants are on fire!

Me underwear's on fire!

I'm on fire!

Oh, yeah.

And now, Eugene Krabs, you will...


I'm flattered you would do this
on my account,

but being manager
isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.

Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown,
and now it's in Shell City.

- That's why he must die.
- Doesn't it seem a little harsh

to kill someone over a crown?

You don't understand. My crown
is a symbol of my king-like authority.

And between you and me...

...my hair is thinning a bit.

Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not
that notice... Bald. Bald.

- Bald! Bald!
- Bald! Bald!

My eyes!

All right, all right.

King Neptune, sir?

Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life
if I went to get your crown back?

You, go to Shell City?

No one who's gone to Shell City
has ever returned.

What makes you think you could?
You're just a kid.

But I'm not a kid. I can do it.

Run along, I have a crab to cook.

No! I won't let you.

Very well, then.

I'll have to fry you both.

Daddy, stop it.

Can't you get through one day
without executing someone?

Mindy. I told you
to stay in the carriage.

Where's your love and compassion?

Look at this little guy.

He's willing to risk his life
to find your crown and save his boss.

- But, daughter, I...
- Please, Father?

At least let him try.
What have you got to lose?

Might I remind you
of your special problem?

- Bald! Bald! Bald!
- Bald!

- Bald! Bald!
- My eyes!

All right.

Very well, Mindy.

I'll give him a chance.

But when your little champion
fails to return,

I get to splatter this crab
all over the walls.

And as for you, be back here
with my crown in exactly ten days.

- He can do it in nine.
- Eight.

- Seven.
- Six.

- Patrick!
- Patrick!

Six it is, then.

- Five.
- Patrick, shush.

Until then, the crab shall remain
frozen where he now stands.

No, wait. I'm begging you.

Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs!

Oh, no, this is terrible.

Who's gonna sign my paycheck?

Come along, Mindy.

Listen, you guys, the road
to Shell City is really dangerous.

There's crooks, killers
and monsters everywhere.

And what's worse,
there's a giant Cyclops

who guards the outskirts of the city
and preys on innocent sea creatures.

Don't let him catch you,
because if he does,

he'll take you back to his lair,
and you'll never be seen again.

She's purty, SpongeBob.

Here, take this.

What's in here?

It's a magical bag of winds.

- I stole them from my father.
- You're hot.

Once you find the crown,
open the bag of winds

and you'll be blown back home.

- Mindy!
- I'm coming.

- Good luck, SpongeBob.
- Wait. How did you know my name?

Oh, I'm gonna be
queen of the sea one day.

I've learned the names
of all the sea creatures.

What's my name?

That's easy. You're Patrick Star.

- Mindy!
- I gotta go. I believe in you guys.

Thanks, Mindy.

Don't worry, Mr. Krabs.
Patrick, Squidward and I...


- Patrick and I...
- Hi.

...are gonna get that crown back
and save you from Neptune's wrath.

You've got nothing to worry about.
Your life is in our hands.

Patrick, let's go get that crown.

- Feast your eyes, Patrick.
- What is it?

The Patty Wagon.

Mr. Krabs uses it
for promotional reasons.

Let me show you
some of its features.

Sesame-seed finish,
steel-belted pickles,

grilled-leather interior.
And under the hood,

a fuel-injected french-fryer
with dual overhead grease traps.

- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.

Hey, I thought you didn't have
a driver's license.

You don't need a license
to drive a sandwich.

- Shell City, here we come!
- Shell City, here we come!


Hey there, old buddy. Freeze.

One secret formula to go, please.

No, no, don't trouble yourself.
I'll get it.

Well, I'd like to hang around,
but I've got Krabby Patties to make...

...over at the Chum Bucket.

Plan Z, I love you.

Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah

We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

Fill her up, please.

What'll it be, fellas,
mustard or ketchup?

Are they laughing at us?

No, Patrick,
they're laughing next to us.

Where you two dumb kids
headed, anyway?

- Kids?
- Now, Patrick.

For your information,
we are not kids, we are men.

And we're off to get
King Neptune's crown in Shell City.

- Shell City?
- Shell City?

Ain't that the place that's guarded
by a killer Cyclops?

That's right.

Lloyd, take off your hat in respect.

Respect for the dead!

You two dipsticks ain't gonna last
ten seconds over the county line.

Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.

Out of the car, fellas.

How many seconds was that?


- In your face.
- In your face.

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah.

Who's the kid now?

They're dead.

Perch Perkins here
with an incredible news flash.

Plankton is selling Krabby Patties
at the Chum Bucket.

How is this possible? Let's find out.

Step right up. Plenty for everybody.

Excuse me, Plankton.
Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News.

- Can I get a minute?
- Anything for you, Perch.

All of Bikini Bottom wants to know,
how did you get the Krabby Patty?

Well, Perch, before my dear friend
Eugene Krabs

was frozen by King Neptune...

I'm sorry.

He confided in me a secret wish.

"Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence
at the Chum Bucket," he said.

"Don't let the flame die out. "

By the way, act now and you get
a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet

with every purchase.
Here you go, Perch.

- Thanks.
- Bucket helmets for everyone!

My helmet!

Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy

since the day you agreed
to be my wife.

I never agreed.

Evil Plan Z is working perfectly.

Nothing can stop me now.

Nothing except SpongeBob
and his pink friend.

My sensors indicate
that they're going after the crown.

If they make it back, Neptune might
discover some fingerprints.

Tiny fingerprints.

Stubby, tiny fingerprints.

Evil Plan Z
is way ahead of you, baby.

I've already hired someone
to take care of those two.

He's a vicious,
cold-blooded predator.

Sesame seed.

Hey, mister.

Does that hat take ten gallons?

- Going on.
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Moving on.
- Just keep going.


Gonna get that crown.

Oh, yeah.

- All right.
- All right.

Yeah. Victory.

- Are we there yet?
- We must be close by now.

Patrick, look. We're doing great!

Shell City's only five days away.

By car.

I wish we still had our car.

SpongeBob, look.

Our car!

- The key.
- Where do you think it is?

There it is, Pat. The key!

Now, how are we gonna get it?

I know. Walk in and ask him for it.

What are you looking at?

- Patrick, that's a terrible idea.
- Sorry.

I know. I'll go in and create
a distraction, and you get the key.

Wait. I wanna do the distraction.

Okay. I guess it really doesn't matter
who does the distraction.

You see me walking back...?

Can I have everybody's attention?

I have to use the bathroom.

It's right over there.

Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is.
I better go wash it off.

Patrick. You call that a distraction?

Well, I had to go to the bathroom.

Well, I got my hands dirty
for nothing.

Patrick, check it out.

- Hooray!
- Hooray!

- Bubble party!
- Bubble party!


Who blew this bubble?

You all know the rules!

All bubble-blowing babies
will be beaten senseless

by every able-bodied patron
in the bar.

That's right! So who blew it?

So nobody knows.

- Maybe it was...
- Shut up!

Somebody in here ain't a real man.

You! We're on a baby hunt.

And don't think we don't know
how to weed them out.

Now, everybody line up.

DJ, time for the test.

No baby can resist
singing along to this.

SpongeBob, it's the
Goofy Goober theme song.

I know.

Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah

You're a Goofy Goober, yeah

We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

- It was you! You're the baby!
- No, no! I only coughed, I swear.

DJ! Turn it up louder!

Don't sing along, Patrick.

I'm trying.

Trying so hard.

I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah

You're a Goofy Goober, yeah

We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah

Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah

Well, well, well.

Which one of you babies was it?

- It was him.
- It was him.

- He did it.
- He did it.

I've never even eaten at...

Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah

Well, looks like we got ourselves
a double baby.

Man, that was a close call.

Guess what I got.

The key!

Too bad SpongeBob's not here
to enjoy SpongeBob not being here.


Some people have no taste
in headgear.

Babies too?

Excuse me, miss,

but where is everybody
getting that horrid headwear?

Who said that?

Down here.

Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket.

Plankton's giving them away free
with every Krabby Patty.

Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty?

Plankton? Giving? With?

So you're selling
Krabby Patties, Plankton?

That's right, Squidward.

And there's a free bucket helmet
with every purchase.

Care for one?

No. You may have hoodwinked
everyone else in this backwater town,

but you can't fool me.

I listen to public radio.

- And what's that supposed to mean?
- It means you set up Mr. Krabs.

You stole the crown
so Neptune would freeze him

and you could finally get your stubby
little paws on the Krabby Patty formula.

It was you all along.

But you made one fatal mistake.

You messed with my paycheck.

And I'm gonna report you
to the highest authority in the land,

King Neptune!

We'll see about that,
Inspector Looselips.

Now activating helmet
brain- control devices.


All hail Plankton.

- What's going on here?
- All hail Plankton.

Seize him, slaves!

All hail Plankton.

I'm getting out of here!

All hail Plankton.

All hail Plankton.

Who can stop me now?


- Come on, Pat, one more time.
- Okay.

We're on a baby hunt. And don't think
we don't know how to weed them out.

"Weed them out. "

What a jerk.

The road's getting kind of bumpy here.

You know, SpongeBob,

there's a lesson to be learned
from all of this.

What's that, Patrick?

A bubble-blowing double baby
doesn't belong out here

in man's country.

Yeah. Wait.

We blew that bubble.

Doesn't that make us
a bubble-blowing double baby?

Hey, look, free ice cream!

Oh, boy!

How you doing?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.



Make mine a chocolate!

Got you covered. Two, please.


You kids enjoy.

Actually, we're men,
lady, but thanks.

Okay, Patrick, let's...

You can let go now.
I said, let go, please.

What is this?

What kind of old lady are you?

Did you get the ice cream?

Step on it, Patrick!


You may not know it, cowboy,

but we got a rule around here
about blowing bubbles.

All bubble-blowing babies
will be beaten senseless by every


- In bar...
- Bar...

Come on, kiddies,
have some ice cream.

I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers.

Jump for it, Patrick!

Well, we lost our car again.

Never mind the car,
where's the road?

Road. Road. Road.

Road. Road. Road.

Road. R... Sorry.

There's the road.

On the other side of this...

...deep, dark...


- Hazardous.
... hazardous...


Yeah, monster-infested...


Hey, SpongeBob, look!

Here's the way down.

Well, we're not gonna get
the crown standing here.

On to Shell City.

Hey, look, it's making noise.


- Hey, where are you going?
- I'm going home, Patrick.

But what about Mr. Krabs?

What about us?

We'll never survive in that trench!

You said it yourself,
this is man's country.

And let's face it, Pat. We're just...

- We're not kids.

Open your eyes, Patrick!

We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream.

We worship a dancing peanut,
for corn's sake!

We don't belong out here!

We do not worship him.

You've been wearing the same Goofy
Goober Peanut Party underpants

for three years straight.

What do you call that?


You're right, SpongeBob.
We are kids.

Pull your pants up, Patrick.

- We're going home.
- But you can't go home.



- How much did you hear?
- I heard enough.

- Did you see my underwear?
- No, Patrick.

Did you want to?

Look, guys, you may be kids,

but you're the only ones left
who can get that crown.

What do you mean,
the only ones left?

Things have gotten a lot worse
since you left Bikini Bottom.

Or should I say Planktopolis.

All hail Plankton.

No resting!

This monument celebrating my glory
isn't gonna build itself.

Move faster!

Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look!

Plankton's turned everyone
we know into slaves.



Mrs. Puff.

Even Gary.


Can't your father do something?

My father's too distracted
by his bald spot to do anything.

Squire, will you hurry.

So you see, you can't quit.

The fate of Bikini Bottom
rests in your hands.

- But... But we're just...
- Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids.

And what's so wrong with
being a kid, anyway? Kids rule!

You don't need to be a man
to do this.

You just gotta believe in yourself.

You just gotta believe!

- I believe.
- That's the spirit.

I believe that

everybody I know is a goner!

Come on, guys.




Oh, boy.

Think, Mindy, think.

Yup, I guess you're right.

A couple of kids could never
survive this journey.

That's why I guess I'll just
have to turn you into men.

You can do that? How?

With my mermaid magic.

Did you hear that, Patrick?

She'll use her mermaid magic
to turn us into men!


We're gonna be men! We're gonna
be men! We're gonna be men!

Good. Now, let's get started.

Close your eyes.

- Are we men yet?
- Not yet.

Spin around three times.

I think it's working.

Good. Now, keep your eyes shut.

With my mermaid's magic

and my one tailfin,

I command the two of you
to turn into men!

Open your eyes.

I don't feel any... Oh, my gosh,
Patrick, you have a mustache!

So do you!

So now that you're men,
can you make it to Shell City?

- Guys.
- Yeah?

I said, now that you're men,
can you make it to Shell City?

Heck, yeah!

- Are men afraid of anything?
- Heck, no!

And why?

Because we're invincible!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

I never said that.


- Patrick?
- Yeah, buddy?

Why did we jump over the edge
instead of taking the stairs?



- Patrick.
- Are we dead?

No. Far from it, my friend.

We're safe and sound
at the bottom of this trench.

The mustaches worked!

Do you know what that means?

We are invincible!

Now that we're men
We can do anything

Now that we're men
We are invincible

Now that we're men
We'll go to Shell City

Get the crown, save the town
And Mr. Krabs

Now that we're men

We have facial hair

Now that we're men

I change my underwear

Now that we're men
We've got a manly flair

We've got the stuff
We're tough enough to save the day

We never had a chance
when we were kids

No! No! No!

But take a look at what
the mermaid did

Yeah, go, Pat.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, go, SpongeBob.


Now that they're men
We can't bother them

Now that they're men
They have become our friends

Now that they're men
There'll be a happy end

They'll pass the test
And finish the quest for the crown

They'll pass the test

And finish the quest

They'll pass the test
And finish the quest for the crown

"Shell City, dead ahead. "

We did it, Pat!

We made it past everything!

Even the hideous,
disgusting monsters.

Not you guys.

You guys are awesome!

Well, Patrick, we should be there
in one more verse.

- Now that we're men...
- Finally.

I got you right where I want you.

Can I help you with something, sir?

Name's Dennis.

I've been hired to exterminate you.

You're gonna exterminate us?

Listen, junior,

you caught me and my friend here
in a good mood today,

so I'm gonna let you off
with a warning.

Step aside,
and you won't have to feel

the awesome wrath
of our mustaches.

You mean these?

I thought you still had a piece of salad
stuck to your lip from lunchtime.

They were fake?

Of course they were fake!

This is what a real mustache
looks like.

- Is he a mermaid?
- All right. Enough gab.

What are you gonna do to us?

Plankton was very specific.


For some reason,
he wanted me to step on you.

Step on us?

Yeah! That way you'll never find out
that he stole the crown!

Perhaps I've said too much.

That's a big boot.

Don't worry.

This will only hurt a lot.

I love this job!

- Bigger boot!
- Wait, Pat.

This bigger boot saved our lives.

Thank you, stranger.


It's the Cyclops!

Help us! Help us!

Save us, someone!

Are we dead?

I don't think so.

Artificially colored rocks?

I don't know where we are.

What is this?

It's some kind of wall
of psychic energy.

No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.

Hey, there's some fish folk.

- Hey, over here!
- Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys!

- You guys, hey! Help!
- Hey! Help!

- A little help here! We're stuck in this...
- Help us out of the tank!

Wait a second.

Those fish are dead.

What's he gonna do with us?

Oh, no, he's going for his
evil instruments of torture.

Glue? Google eyes?

He's making
a humorous diorama of...

...Alexander Clam Bell?

Patrick, he's killing sea animals and
making them into smelly knickknacks.

And I think we're next.

- You think so?
- Patrick! No!

The heat is so intense
from this lamp that I can't move.

Tell me about it.

This doesn't look too good, Patrick.

You mean we're not gonna

Get the crown, save the town
And Mr. Krabs?

I don't even think we're gonna
be able to save ourselves, buddy.

- Thanks.
- Don't mention it.

Well, it looks like what everybody
said about us is true, Patrick.

You mean that we're attractive?

No, that we're just kids.

A couple of kids
in way over their heads.

We were doomed from the start.

I mean, look at us.

We didn't even come
close to the crown.

We let everybody down.

We failed.

Shell City.

Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.

Shell City.

Exactly, buddy.

Yeah, the place we never got to.

Shell City.

Okay, now you're starting
to bum me out, Patrick.

No, look at the sign.

"Shell City.
Marine gifts and sundries. "

Shell City is a gift shop?

But if this is Shell City,
then where's the...?

- Crown.
- Crown.

Neptune's crown.

This is Shell City.

Pat, we did make it.

Yeah, I guess we did.

We did all right
for a couple of goofballs.

I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah

You're a Goofy Goober, yeah

We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah

Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

That's the end of SpongeBob.

Come here, you.

Shut up and look at the screen.

The bird's right. Look.

It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers.

Hey, we're alive.

- Let's get that crown.
- Right.

On three, Patrick. Ready?
One, two, three.

Hey, it's lighter than I thought.

What's happening?

I don't know. Look!

Come on, Patrick.

Let's get this crown
back to Bikini Bottom.

- Do you still have that bag of winds?
- I sure do.

Here you go.


Nothing. Nothing.

Okay, let's go over the instructions.

Let's see, it says here, "Step one:
Point bag away from home. "

- Okay.
- "Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. "

- Right.
- "Step three:

Remove string from bag,
releasing the winds. "


Well, that seems simple enough.

Point bag away from home,
feet firmly on ground,

pull string, releasing the winds.

All right, let's do it for real.


- No, no, stop!
- I was bad, I'm sorry!

- Please, bag.
- I'm sorry, I just thought...

It was a mistake!

Oh, no. How will we ever get
back to Bikini Bottom now?

I can take you there.

- Who are you?
- I'm David Hasselhoff.

- Hooray!
- Hooray!

So where's your boat?


- Go, Hasselhoff.
- Next stop, Bikini Bottom.

All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.

Well, Krabs,
you know what today is?

Sorry about this, calendar.

March   .

Wait, that's not right.

It should say
"The day that Krabs fries. "

Guess who's here.

Hooray for Hasselhoff!
Nothing can stop us now.

Unidentified object
off the hindquarters.

It looks like...

...bigger boot.

But how?


Did you miss me?

This is the best seat in the house.

All right, Neptune, let's get it on.

Eugene Krabs,
your six-day reprieve is up,

and it is time for you to die.

Please, I didn't do it.

There is nothing else I can do.

You can give SpongeBob and Patrick
a little more time.

Except give SpongeBob and Patrick
a little more time...

What? Mindy, will you butt out.

I won't have you stalling
this execution.

Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.

- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.
You're doing it right now.

- I'm stalling.
- Yes.

- Stalling?
- Stalling!

- Stalling.
- Stalling!

Oh, boy.

Now, where were we?

- Patrick, run.
- No.

I'm tired of running.

If we run now, we'll never stop...

Run, SpongeBob!

Take it easy back there, fellas.

SpongeBob, be careful.

Come on, kid, give it up.

Dennis always gets his man.


Yeah! I did it!

You got guts, kid.

Too bad I gotta rip them out of you.

I don't know what Plankton's
paying you,

but if you let us go,
I can make it worth your while.

It's gonna take a lot more than  ...

- What is this?
- That, sir, is five Goober dollars.

Legal tender at any participating
Goofy Goober...

I got bubbles. Fun at parties.

My eyes.

I got you, SpongeBob.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks a lot.

That's it.

I'm through messing around.

See you later, fools.

See you.

So you think...



Where am I, in Crazytown?

I have had enough of this nonsense!

You are to wait in the carriage
until the execution is done.

- But, Daddy...
- Now!

No, no, no!

Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are,
you better hurry.

Okay, fellas, this is where you get off.
Bikini Bottom's directly below.

But we'll never be able
to float down in time.

Who said anything about floating?

- Initiating launch sequence.
- What the...?

- Did you see that?
- The control.

All hands on deck.

Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight...

Eugene Krabs, the time has come...

- No.
- Yes.

...six, five...

...for you...

- No.
- Yes.

...three, two...

...to fry.
- No.

- Yes.
- ... one.


You done good, Hasselhoff.
You done...

Hooray! We made it.

We made it.

My crown.

My beautiful crown!

SpongeBob? Patrick?
I knew you could do it.

Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.

Sorry to rain
on your parade, Plankton.

Oh, don't worry about me.

My parade shall be quite dry
under my umbrella!


Daddy, no.

Daddy, yes.

All hail Plankton.

All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.

All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.

SpongeBob, what happened?

- Plankton cheated.
- Cheated?

Hold on there, baldy.

Oh, grow up.

What, you think this is a game
of kickball on the playground?

You never had a chance
to defeat me, fool.

And you know why?

Because you cheated?

No, not because I cheated.
Because I'm an evil genius.

And you're just a kid.

A stupid kid.

I guess you're right, Plankton.
I am just a kid.

Of course I'm right.
Okay, Neptune, time to kill.

And you know, I've been through
a lot in the past six days,

five minutes,
  -and-a-half seconds.

And if I've learned anything
during that time,

it's that you are who you are.

- That's right. Okay, Neptune...
- And no amount of mermaid magic...

...or managerial promotion...

...or some other third thing...

...can make me anything more
than what I really am inside:

- A kid.
- That's great.

- Now, get back against the wall.
- But that's okay.

- What? What's going on?
- Because I did

what everyone said
a kid couldn't do.

I made it to Shell City,
and I beat the Cyclops,

and I rode the Hasselhoff,
and I brought the crown back.

- All right, we get the point.
- So, yeah, I'm a kid.

And I'm also a goofball.
And a wing nut.

And a Knucklehead McSpazatron!

- What's going on here?
- But most of all, I'm...

- Okay, settle down. Take it easy.
- I'm... I'm...

What the scallop?!

I'm a Goofy Goober

You're a Goofy Goober

We're all Goofy Goobers

Goofy, goofy, goober, goober

Put your toys away
Well, all I gotta say

When you tell me not to play
I say no way

- No way!
- No, no freaking way

I'm a kid, you say
When you say I'm a kid

I say, "Say it again"
And then I say thanks

- Thanks!
- Thank you very much

So if you're thinking
That you'd like to be like me

Go ahead and try
The kid inside will set you free

I'm a Goofy Goober

What's happening?

His dance moves are impressive,
but I'm in control.

- Seize him!
- All hail Plankton.

I'm free. I've been freed!



My precious helmets!

His chops are too righteous.

The helmets can't handle
this level of rock 'n' roll.

Karen, do something.


All right, that's the last straw.

Neptune, I command you to...

- Here you go, Daddy.
- I better get out of here.

Look, it's the wizard who saved us.

Out of my way, fools.

Come on, I was just kidding.

Come on, you guys knew that,
didn't you?

With the helmets
and the big monuments...

Wasn't that hilarious, everybody?

I will destroy all of you!

Well, Mindy, I have to admit,
you were right.

Your compassion
for these sea creatures

proved a most admirable trait.

Without it, I would have never
again seen my beloved crown.

I think you're going to make a fine
ruler of the sea one day.

- Now, let's go home.
- Daddy,

haven't you forgotten something?

What? Oh, yeah.

Eugene Krabs,
I forgot to unfreeze you.

What the...?

I guess I had it set to
"real boy" ending.

Oh, I'm sorry
for falsely freezing you, Krabs.

And may I say, sir,
you are a very lucky fellow

to have in your employ
such a brave, faithful

and heroic young lad.

- Where is he, anyway?
- I'm up here.

I'm on it.

Go to him now, Krabs.
Embrace him.

SpongeBob, me boy,
I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

That's a mistake I won't make again.

Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve.

And now, SpongeBob,
I'm gonna do something

that I should've done six days ago.

Mr. Squidward,
front and center, please.

I think we all know who rightfully
deserves to wear that manager pin.

I couldn't agree more, sir.

Hooray for SpongeBob!

Wait a second, everybody.

There's something I need to say first.

I just don't know how to put it.

I think I know what it is.

After going on
your life-changing journey,

you now realize you don't want
what you thought you wanted.

What you really wanted
was inside you all along.

Are you crazy? I was just gonna
tell you that your fly is down.

Manager! This is
the greatest day of my life!

You know, David Hasselhoff
is a great artist.

Excuse me, sir.

You folks have to leave.

What? Say that again, if you dare.

You folks have to leave.


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