Narrator: Mrs Puff’s Boating School. Where
diligent students learn the rules of the road.
Mrs Puff: Everyone, put down your books, because it’s time to pick
out the hall monitor of the day! (Spongebob squeezes his pencil so hard
it shoots up into the air) Let’s see here. This week's hall monitor
will be Bart, Jimmy, no, no, Tina, Ralph, mm... (gasps) ...Spongebob. (Spongebob
moves his desk between 2 rows) It's Jimmy! Jimmy’s the hall monitor.
Jimmy: Mrs Puff, I’ve done it already! (Spongebob moves his
Mrs Puff: Ohh...Phil?
Phil: No way, Mrs Puff. (Spongebob moves his desk closer)
Mrs Puff: Uhh, Tina, you’re the hall monitor.
Tina: Hey, I’ve done it three times already! (Spongebob moves
Mrs Puff: B-B-Beth!
Student: She graduated!
Mrs Puff: Henry? (Spongebob moves closer) Vera? (Spongebob
moves closer) Clayton? (Spongebob is poking Mrs Puff with his desk
as she sighs) Alright, I guess I have no choice. (gulps) The hall
monitor of the day is Spongebob. (Spongebob launches into the air)
Spongebob: Yahoo! Hall monitor Spongebob reporting for duty, ma’am!
I am ready to assume my position...in the hall! I will protect all that are
weak...in the hall! All rules will be enforced...in the hall!
Mrs Puff: Ok! Just take the hat and belt. (tries handing him uniform)
Spongebob: I can’t except that yet, ma’am. First I have to
make my speech.
Mrs Puff: You can’t make this easy, can you?
Spongebob: Classmates!! Who am I to deserve such a great honor? Why,
I would be nothing without Mrs Puff.
Mrs Puff: Give me a break.
Spongebob: And to my public, all I can say is I’m touched. And
furthermore, I will carry out my duties... (clock moves forward in time
as Spongebob continues his speech) ...crime and punishment, punishment
and crime in the hall! (at this point, everyone is almost asleep) Which
reminds me of an extremely long speech written by the greatest hall monitor
of all time. (takes out a long roll of paper) “Friends, students,
juvenile delinquents, lend me your ears.” (the clock has disappeared,
and it is now much later in the day. Puff is asleep at her desk) In conclusion,
and without a moment to spare, I will put on this uniform (takes out the
hat and belt) and assume my duties as... (puts on the uniform) ...hall
monitor! Wish me luck, Mrs Puff! (walks towards the door then turns around) Oh,
and I will be... (bell rings as all studens run over Spongebob)
Mrs Puff: Spongebob, are you ok?
Spongebob: I overdid the speech again, didn’t I?
Mrs Puff: I’m afraid so.
Spongebob: Aww, tarter sauce. I guess I won’t be needing this. (takes
off his uniform) I hardly knew ya. (gives uniform to Mrs Puff and
walks away saddened)
Mrs Puff: Uhh...Spongebob?
Spongebob: Yes, Mrs Puff?
Mrs Puff: I can at least let you wear it until tomorrow.
Spongebob: A-hoo! (dives into the uniform) Thanks, Mrs Puff!
Mrs Puff: What are the consequences of what I’ve just done? (cut
to Spongebob walking down the street. Then notices a broken traffic light)
Spongebob: Broken traffic light! Who’s to say my monitor duties
should end just because the bell rang? I could be helpful anywhere! This
looks like a job for the hall monitor! (directs traffic, with a whistle,
to their destination using all sorts of hand gestures but ends up causing
a huge wreck in the end) What would this town do without you, Spongebob?
Fred: My leg! My leg.
Spongebob: On patrol. I’m on patrol. (notices a house with an
open window) Uh-oh, an open window. (peeks through the window and
there is a couple eating)
Woman: More seaweed medley, dear?
Spongebob: The fools. They’ve left themselves susceptible to danger.
I must show them the error of their ways through example. (jumps through
the window and onto their table in a ski mask) I’m the open window
maniac! (both run out screaming) I hope you’ve learned a valuable
lesson! (shuts the window and begins walking again) On patrol. I'm
on patrol. I'm on patrol... (gasps as he sees a puddle of pink goo on
the ground) Vandals! Another crime. (takes his finger and tastes the
pink goo) Strawberry. I must act! (more pink goo falls on his head.
He looks up and sees Patrick eating some strawberry ice cream) Patrick... (looks
around for the voice he just heard) Patrick... Patrick...
Patrick: My ice cream! It’s alive! (screams and throws away
the ice cream)
Spongebob: Patrick! Down here!
Patrick: Oh, Spongebob, it’s you. (ice cream cone is on Spongebobs
Spongebob: Patrick. Get down here. (Patrick jumps down on top of
Patrick: Spongebob? Spongebob?
Spongebob: I’m down here.
Patrick: Hehe, you look funny! Hi, Spongebob.
Spongebob: That’s hall monitor to you!
Patrick: Sorry, officer.
Spongebob: Sorry’s not good enough, Patrick. You’ve committed
a crime, and I’m taking you in.
Patrick: What crime? (shows him the ice cream that is on the ground) I’m
a bad person! (cries)
Paperboy: Extra! Extra! Maniac strikes Bikini Bottom! City paralyzed
with fear! (gives one to Spongebob) Take it, friends. Arm yourselves
with knowledge. (runs off) Extra! Extra!
Spongebob: (reads paper) Maniac. Bikini Bottom? Car wreck? Break-in?
Who better to bring this maniac to justice than me, the hall monitor! But
I can’t handle this case alone. Patrick, are you ready to give up your
life of crime?
Patrick: (still crying) I wanna be good!
Spongebob: Hmmm...now you just need a symbol of authority. (Patrick
puts the ice cream cone on his head) Perfect! It is our duty to catch
this maniac and bring him to justice! But how to proceed? Listen, deputy,
you’re an ex-criminal. What would you do?
Patrick: Hmmm...I’d get an ice cream! (both walk out an ice
cream store with ice cream)
Spongebob: Ok, now what?
Patrick: Hmmm... (both come out the ice cream store again with ice
Spongebob: This isn't working. We’ve got to do something else.
Something with walkie-talkies! (takes out two walkie-talkies. Patrick
grabs one and is elated with joy) And now, duty calls! Alright deputy,
I’ll go that way, you go some different way! Run 'em out! (Spongebob
runs off sounding like a siren. The police come driving up and stop beside
Officer #1: Afternoon, son.
Patrick: Hello, brothers. (salutes to the officers and points to his
Officer #1: Son, we’re looking for the maniac.
Officer #2: Have you seen this man?! (officer #2 whips out a sign
that says 'WANTED MANIAC' with Spongebob's picture on it. Patrick screams)
Patrick: It’s the maniac! Take him away! Take him away!
Officer #1: Calm down son. It’s just a drawing, not the real thing.
Now we’re going to show you the picture again, and you tell us if you’ve
seen this guy, understand?
Patrick: Yeah, uh-huh.
Officer #1: Ok. (officer #2 shows Patrick the sign again)
Patrick: (screams) Horrible! (puts picture away. Both officers
look at each other and smile. Officer #2 takes away and shows the sign to
Patrick as he screams every time.)
Officer #1: Stay indoors, son.
Officer #2: And, uhh, take that cone off your head. (both laugh as
they drive off)
Patrick: (takes out walkie-talkie) Spongebob? Come in, Spongebob.
Spongebob: Spongebob here, Patrick. Report.
Patrick: (over walkie-talkie) I don’t wanna be a policeman
anymore! I’m scared!
Spongebob: Get a hold of yourself deputy.
Patrick: (over walkie-talkie) I wanna go home!
Spongebob: Poor rookie. Alright, I’m on my way back.
Patrick: Hurry Spongebob, I think it’s getting... (day becomes
Spongebob: Just put on your siren and I’ll be right there.
Patrick: Wee-woo. Wee-woo. Wee-woo. Wee-woo. (Patrick picks up the
sign that the officers showed him earlier. Then sees a darkish figure down
the road. It's Spongebob but Patrick doesn't realize it) Wee-woo! Wee-woo!
Wee-woo! Spongebob! I see him!
Spongebob: (over walkie-talkie) Where is he, Patrick?
Patrick: (over walkie-talkie) At the intersection of Conch and
Coral. (Spongebob turns his head around to read the street sign)
Spongebob: That's where I am. He’s right on top of me, but I can’t
see him! What’s he doing?
Patrick: Uhh, he’s just standing there...menacingly! (screams
over walkie-talkie) Get out of there, Spongebob! (Spongebob screams) That’s
his maniac screech. He’s going to attack! (Spongebob runs around
in circles) He’s acting all crazy! Run! Hide behind that building! (Spongebob
hides behind the building) No, he’s behind that building! Oh, quick,
hide behind that street sign! (Spongebob hides behind the street sign) No
wait! The maniac just went behind that sign! Quick! Get under the street
light! (Spongebob gets under the street lights) No wait, he’s
there, too! Run for your life! (Spongebob jumps inside a mailbox. As he
tries to relax, the radio is cutting out)
Spongebob: (over walkie-talkie) Say again, deputy?
Patrick: The maniac is in the mailbox! (Spongebob pokes his arms and
legs through the mailbox and runs through buildings and a fence)
Spongebob: (takes a look at the 'wanted' sign) Huh, this guy’s
not half-bad-looking for a maniac. Wait a minute, Patrick, I’m the
maniac! (Patrick screams and a bunch of police cars surround Spongebob)
Officer #1: We’ll take that as a confession. (Mrs Puff appears)
Mrs Puff: Spongebob Squarepants, there you are! I turn my back on you
for one minute and you destroy half the city! You should be ashamed of yourself!
Officer #1: You know this guy?
Mrs Puff: Of course I do. I’m the one who gave him the uniform
in the first place. He’s my responsibility. (the cops stare at her) Uh-oh... (at
the boating school where the whole class, except Spongebob, is sleeping.
Mrs Puff is teaching class from jail through the TV) Now in conclusion,
class: red means stop, green means go. And Spongebob...
Spongebob: Yes, Mrs Puff?
Mrs Puff: I’d like to see you after class. Six months from now.