Written by Aaron Springer, Erik Wiese, and
Spongebob: (Spongebob is lurking around, heading
home, looking for Sandy because they are playing karate.
He suspects the pineapple of being Sandy) Hi-yah! Oh,
sorry, pineapple house. I thought you were someone else. (walks
inside) Ah, what a great day at work. (hears something) Huh?
Yeah... (tip toes over to the couch but makes duck sounds
as he tip toes. He grabs the ducks that are on the floor
and kicks them away. Then he runs in front of his couch) I
know you're back there, Sandy! And I also know that nobody
can hide from Sponge... (jumps behind the couch and
no one is there) ...bob. (has his back to the couch
while he squeezes his eyes through the couch looking for
Sandy. When he thinks he's spotted her, he runs out from
behind the couch and in front of the tv) I got you
now! Hi-yah! (no one is there so he sits on the couch
and watches TV)
TV: Yeah, shopping's weird. Did you ever go into the seafood aisle and
say 'Who eats this stuff?"' (Spongebob laughs)
Spongebob: I love this show! (Sandy is sitting next to Spongebob)
Sandy: Me too! (Spongebob screams and beings to karate more)
Spongebob: Hi-yah! (Sandy puts on her green karate gear)
Sandy: Hi-yah! (Spongebob high-kicks in slow-motion)
Spongebob: Hi-yah! (Sandy runs off then drives forward but Spongebob
jumps his upper half of his body to avoid Sandy) Uhh, just a second. (runss
off but returns with his red karate gear on) Safety first! (winks) And
now, spin technique! (spins around and lunges towards Sandy)
Sandy: Hi-yah! Yah... (Spongebob grabs her hand and spins her around)
Spongebob: Double overhand squirrel knot! (turns her into a round
knot and throws her through the door like a bowling ball)
Sandy: I'm gonna get you tomorrow, Spongebob!
Spongebob: That'll be the day. (spins his arms and legs around. Nighttime
at Sandy's treedome when the phone rings)
Sandy: Hello? (Spongebob's arm tries to karate chop Sandy but Sandy
takes Spongebob's hand and puts it through the phone to karate chop himself)
Sandy: Nice try, Spongebrain! (hangs up phone. Later, at Barg N Mart,
Sandy is shopping when a box of cereal falls. She thinks its Spongebob so
she gets in her karate stance) Yah! (notices the box of cereal) Heh,
silly me. (But when she walks a few more steps, Spongebob is there in
his karate gear)
Spongebob: Hey Sandy, have you ever heard the one about the squirrel
and the tin cans?
Sandy: I don't think so.
Spongebob: Well, it goes like this! (stretches his arm to ricochetoff
a shelf and the ceiling to come at Sandy. He stops his arm right before hitting
Sandy) Oh wait, I forgot the punch line. ( hits the loose board on
the floor sending Sandy into a pile of tin cans) That's a good one, isn't
it? (later, Spongebob is walking down the road) What a beautiful day.
Beautiful sky. Beautiful plants. Hi plants. Beautiful... ( sees a pile
of tin cans on the ground so he puts on his karate gear) ...pile of cans?
Mmm, Sandy, that is your worst disguise yet.
Sandy: No it's not, Spongebob. (shows him a squirrel mask) This
is! (jumps in front of Spongebob) Now, prepare for a long, merciless
whooping. (grabs Spongebob's tongue and takes out a bottle of hot suace) Mmmm,
my favorite. (Spongebob screams as a drop of hot sauce hangs over the
edge of the bottle and a face appears on the drop)
Hot Sauce Drop: By the powers of naughtiness, I command this particular
drop of hot sauce to be really, really hot!
Spongebob: Sandy! Wait! Victory is yours.
Sandy: I knew you'd come to your senses, Spongebob. (drinks the bottle
of hot sauce. While she is doing this, Spongebob wraps the fake tongue she
was holding and around her and spins her)
Spongebob: Yah... (Sandy karate chops Spongebob far away)
Spongebob: Curses! (at krusty krab where the line is very long)
Customer: With extra cheese. To go!
Squidward: Three patties, four large oyster skins, on the double, Spongebob! (Spongebob
is still wearing his karate gear)
Spongebob: Oh yeah... gotcha! (Spongebob opens a door)
Spongebob: What? (karate chops Squidward's face)
Squidward: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen. (throws two pieces
of paper at Spongebob) Now fill these orders or leave, Spongebob. We're
very busy today! (Spongebob runs out of the kitchen with tray of patties
in his hands)
Spongebob: Order up... (stops as he sees a customer karate chopping
a fly. The customers turns into Sandy who is in her gear and winks at Spongebob)
Squidward: Spongebob! Now are you gonna... (Spongebob throws the tray
backwards at Squidward causing the krabby patties to land on Squidward's
Mr Krabs: Oh, Squidward. I was going through some records back in me
office and...huh? So, you got the hairpiece after all.
Fred: My leg! (under the floor)
Spongebob: Thought you could sneak up on me at work, did ya? Well, you
can't! 'Cause I'm fast, I'm mean, and I can do this! (does something with
his hands while hissing. Points at Fred then walks backwards) Took care
of her, yes I did. (bumps into Mr Krabs) Ohh, ahoy, sir!
Mr Krabs: What was that?
Spongebob: But sir, she snuck up on me. In my own dojo.
Mr Krabs: Are you on some new allergy medication, boy?
Spongebob: No, sir. Just practicing my karate, sir. Or kara-ta, as some
Mr Krabs: Kara-ta? You should be making me money-ay! With your spatu-la!
Now get back to work.
Spongebob: Aye aye, capi-tay. Nice hairpiece, Squidward. (he walks
off. Later, at closing time, Squid is mopping the floor) Squidward: Spongebob,
did you get those bathrooms mopped yet? (Spongebob is staring at his hands)
Spongebob: Yes, ma'am. I mean, sir. I mean, boss. I mean, poobah!
Squidward: Go. (Spongebob walks into the bathroom with a mop and a
bucket in hand. He hears a sneeze so he opens a door but nobody is there)
Spongebob: Hah! (opens the next stall door and jumps in it) Sandy! (Mr
Krabs walks out of the stall with Spongebob in his hand)
Mr Krabs: No more!
Spongebob: But Mr Krabs... (Mr Krabs grabs a hold of Spongebob's mouth)
Mr Krabs: Shhh. No more of this karate stuff, lad. Or you're fired. (lets
go of his mouth and walks away)
Spongebob: Fired? (walks out) No more karate? How am I gonna tell
Sandy: Hi-yah! (jumps at Spongebob karate chopping him)
Spongebob: Sandy, wait! I can't. Mr Krabs said I have to give up karate.
Sandy: (stops) Uh-huh. Sure, Spongebob. (Sandy karate chops
Spongebob: No, no. Really, Sandy. Stop. (stops) Sandy: I'm
not falling for it, Spongebob! (karate more)
Spongebob: No, really! Please, stop! (Mr Krabs looks out the window)
Mr Krabs: What the...?! (walks outside) Spongebob! (Spongebob
Spongebob: Ahh, Mr Krabs!
Mr Krabs: What did I just get through telling ye, lad?
Mr Krabs: Spongebob, you're fired!
Spongebob: (high-pitched voice) Fired? (faces gets smaller
until its not there anymore)
Mr Krabs: Eh?
Sandy: Spongebob? (Spongebob bursts out crying and runs everywhere) Wait,
Mr. Krabs, it's not his fault. It's...it's mine. He tried to tell me but
I wouldn't listen. (Spongebob is crying into a coffee cup and drinking
it. Now he's flipping over and over around Sandy and Mr Krabs) Just give
him another chance, please?
Mr Krabs: Hmmm... (grabs Spongebob) Alright, me boy, I'll give
you a second chance. But no more karate. It's poisoning your mind. (sniffs
Sandy) Mmm, mammals. (walks off)
Sandy: Aww, shoot, Spongebob. I guess you ain't fibbing. Aww, that game
was getting old anyway. It's not fun anymore. I mean, what's so fun about... (karate
chops Spongebob) ...this?
Spongebob: (laughs then stops) Nothing. Nothing is fun about
that at all!
Sandy: We can find something to do that's almost nine times as fun.
Spongebob: We can? I mean, sure we can. Yeah! Like we can, uhh... (picks
up a rock) We can squeeze things! (squeezes the rock and drops it) Woo!
How much fun was that?
Sandy: Almost some.
Spongebob: I know! We can act like plants. (lies on the ground and
opens and closes his legs and arms) Photosynthesis. Photosynthesis.
Sandy: Wanna go to the park? (Spongebob and Sandy at the park. Spongebob
is holding a basket in one hand)
Spongebob: Karate sure is dumb.
Sandy: Yeah, you can say that again.
Spongebob: I feel dumb just thinking about it. (puts the basket down) Duh...I'm
stupid! I like karate! Doy!
Sandy: You like what?
Spongebob: Not karate.
Sandy: Ha! I don't even know what that is.
Spongebob: Me too. I don't know what anything is! In fact...
Fisherman: (casting off his fishing rod) Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
Spongebob: (giggle) For a second that sounded like...
Spongebob: Right now? I mean, no! What is this karate? (opens up the
basket) Uhh, what do you want on your sandwich?
Spongebob: What did you say?
Sandy: Uhh, mustard. Mustard! I want mustard on my sandwich. (takes
out some mustard) There we go. (Spongebob pulls out some barnacle
loaf pulls out a barnacle loaf)
Spongebob: How many slices of barnacle loaf do you want?
Sandy: One. Just one.
Spongebob: One for you! (karate chops a slice off)
Spongebob: And one for me! (chops off another slice in slow-motion)
Sandy: Ohh, uhh, Spongebob? Maybe just one more. Uhh, I'm kinda hungry. (brings
out the barnacle loaf again)
Spongebob: Sure thing, Sandy. (lifts upu his hand)
Sandy: Do you think, umm...do you think I could cut this one?
Spongebob: Uhh, sure.
Sandy: Thanks. Hi-yah! (chops one slice) Is that enough?
Spongebob: Maybe just one more. Or two!
Sandy: Or three!
Spongebob: Or ten!
Sandy: Yes, ten! Because we're really hungry!
Sandy: Right! (chops off more slices and they fly everywhere)
Spongebob: Time for buns! (throws a bunch of buns in the air and chops
them in half)
Sandy: How about some tomatoes?
Spongebob: And I'll cut the cheese! (both throw the cheese and tomatoes
in the air while chopping them into a bunch of slices that land on the patties)
Sandy: And, what else should we slice? (Spongebob grabs more buns)
Spongebob: More buns! (Sandy grabs two heads of lettuce)
Sandy: And lettuce!
Both: Yeah! (both slice up more food to complete their krabby patties.
When they are done, the entire place is chopped in half. Sandy is slicing
wood in half while Spongebob is resting on a rock)
Spongebob: Phew. Making sandwiches sure is fun. Right, Sandy? (Sandy
has a dazed look on her face) Right? I guess I'll eat one now. (reaches
for a patty but Sandy karate chops his arm with her green foam hand)
Sandy: You're mincemeat!
Spongebob: (in his red karate gear) In your dreams! Hi-yah! (both
start to karate chop each other. Mr Krabs is walking through the park)
Mr Krabs: Huh? What the barnacle? (the whole park is chopped in half)
Spongebob: Do you think Mr Krabs ever does karate? (Mr KRabs clears
his throat to get Spongebob to scream) Mr Krabs! (tries to hold a
tree back in one piece) Uhh, hey Mr Krabs, how's it going? (holds
the rock in one piece) Nice day, huh? ( half of the tree falls on
Spongebob's head) Oh, alright, Mr Krabs. You caught me. But you know
what? I just can't help myself. You're just gonna have to fire me.
Mr Krabs: Fire you? (grabs a couple patties) I've got something
else in mind. (at the krusty krab, Spongebob & Sandy are karate chopping
up krabby patties for the customers. Sandy is chopping up the meat and Spongebob
is chopping up the mustard)
Sandy: I love karate!
Spongebob: I love kara-ta!
Mr Krabs: I love money-a!
Squidward: I hate all of you.