Mermaidman and Barnacelboy II - Spongebob Squarepants Transcripts
Written by Chuck Klein, Jay Lender and Mr. Lawrence
Narrator: Ah, Saturday morning in Bikini Bottom. Spongebob is watching his favorite Saturday morning show: The Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. Enjoying a bowl of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy Bran Cereal, and wearing the official Mermaidman and Barnacleboy breakfast biters.
TV Announcer: Mermaidman...fleet and forceful. By the power of Neptune aided by his young ward...aided by his young ward... (Barnacleboy comes dalling down with a rope attached to him) ...protecting the sea with feats of strength and agility. (both try to flex their muscles but break their backs)
Mermaidman: To the chiropractor. Away!
TV Announcer: By beating a rogue scattery of villains. Like the sinister slug, the atomic flounder, and the dreaded jumbo shrimp. Mermaidman and Barnacleboy unite! (when rings unite, smoke and sparks show)
Realistic Fish Head: Hey kids, are you ready to hear the winner of the contest?
Spongebob: I'm ready! I'm ready!
Realistic Fish Head: Our winner will receive a special secret collector's item from The Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. (a small card comes down) And the winner is...SpringBoob SquirePin.
Spongebob: Awww. I worked forever on those life-sized krabby patty manikins of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy.
Realistic Fish Head:...for these krabby patty manikins of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy.
Spongebob: Hey! SpringBoob SquirePin stole my idea!
Realistic Fish Head: (a phone drops and tries to correct the fish) What's that? Oh. It appears I've made a slight error in pronunciation. The real name of the winner is...Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob: (jumps for joy while the pineapple jumps also) Wahoo! Oh, I wonder when my prize will get here. (as he turns around, the prize is already there) My prize! (opens the box as he is crying) Can it be? It is. The Conch Signal. (holds up conch signal) From the Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. (holds up conch signal again) As seen on TV. I wonder if it still works. (leans out the window and tries it but is a very very off key sound)
Mermaidman: The Conch Signal! To the invisible boat mobile! (couch lunges them backwards under the floor)
Barnacleboy: Uhh, Mermaidman?
Mermaidman: Yes, Barnacleboy?
Barnacleboy: We're not in the invisible boat mobile, are we?
Mermaidman: Uhh, nope. (both fall and stand up to search for the boat)
Barnacleboy: I told you making the boat invisible was a stupid idea.
Mermaidman: Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Barnacleboy: It's gotta be around here somewhere? (hits head on back of boat) Ow! Oh, Mermaidman, I think I...
Mermaidman: ...found it! (turns boat on and it burns Barnacleboy) C'mon, get a move on son. We don't have all day. Ignition...on. (pushes a button)
Mermaidman: Throttle...on. (pulls stick shift backwards)
Spongebob: Humph. Maybe the Conch Signal doesn't work anymore.
Mermaidman: Activate torpedo mode. Fire! (head crashes through the wall) Mermaidman...
Barnacleboy:...and Barnacle... (Barnacleboy crashes through the door with his head then the door falls on the ground with BB's head still in it) ...boy.
Spongebob: I can't believe it Gary. Mermaidman and Barnacleboy in our home.
Spongebob: Excuse me, I'm...
Mermaidman: (points at spongebob) Oh my Neptune, he's been horribly disfigured. Oh, blast us! We're too late.
Barnacleboy: Ooh, please. He's not disfigured. He's-he's just that sponge kid again.
Mermaidman: Ooh, yeah. Good to see you lad. Say, Barnacleboy, we gotta find out where that Conch Signal came from.
Spongebob: Oh, that was me. I blew the Conch Signal, sir.
Mermaidman: Alright. Where's the danger, son? Bring it on. Bring it on!
Spongebob: Don't worry. There's no danger.
Mermaidman & Barnacleboy: No danger?
Barnacleboy: Look, there has to be danger. you blew the Conch Signal. When you blow the...where'd you get that thing anyway?
Spongebob: I won it in a contest.
Mermaidman & Barnacleboy: Contest?
Mermaidman: They don't tell us anything anymore.
Barnacleboy: Look, Spongy, that ain't no toy.
Mermaidman: That's right. The Conch Signal is an awesome responsibility. We're duty-bound to help whenever it sounds.
Barnacleboy: But you only blow it when there's trouble, or there'll be trouble. You got that?
Spongebob: Yes, sir.
Mermaidman: Good boy.
Barnacleboy: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. They're serving meatloaf today.
Mermaidman: Oh goody.
Spongebob: Don't worry Mermaidman. You won't be hearing from me for just anything. Only for the big emergencies.
(At Shady Retirement Home)
Barnacleboy: (bangs on bathroom door) Will you hurry up in there? And save me some hot water! (conch signal is blown)
Mermaidman: (kicks down the door on top of Barnacleboy then both jump on couch where it lunges them backwards. Later, shown Spongebob lying on the floor) Ohh, youth. Cut down in his prime. (Spongebob moans) Oh, speak to me son.
Spongebob: Help! Can't...open mayonnaise.
Barnacleboy: What? I come down in my underwear to open a jar of mayonnaise?
Barnacleboy: But nothing. We can't go around socializing, we have to be prepared for, uh, emergencies.
Mermaidman: Barnacleboy, think about it, emergencies don't come around as often as they used to.
Barnacleboy: Alright, ok. You can blow The Conch every once in a while. Just give us something to do when we show up.
Spongebob & Mermaidman: Yay! (Back at the retirement home where MM & BB hear the conch signal again)
Mermaidman: Danger! (MM & BB do some plumbing in Spongebob's house. Later they hear the conch signal again and this time they arrange Spongebob's book shelf. Spongebob blows the conch signal over and over and then MM & BB get tired and can't get there fast enough)
Barnacleboy: That's it. Gimme that. (grabs conch signal from Spongebob) You're running us ragged.
Mermaidman: Must...must answer Clarion call.
Barnacleboy: We're exhausted.
Spongebob: I'm sorry, Barnacleboy. I didn't mean it. I just wanted to spend time with you. You're my heroes! (starts to cry)
Barnacleboy: It's too late for that, Mr Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy this thing with my sulfur vision. (tries using "heat/sulfur" vision to destroy the conch but fails) Well I'll destroy it when I get back to the, uh, Mermalair. Uh, and as for you...
Mermaidman: Barnacleboy, don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow, or the villain. Besides, I remember another young whimper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero. (chuckles)
Barnacleboy: You don't remember breakfast, you old coot.
Mermaidman: Maybe the Conch Signal is too much responsibility. But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol.
Mermaidman: To the invisible boat mobile.
Spongebob & Mermaidman: Jingle bells, Mermaidman smells, Barnacleboy laid an egg. The invisible boat mobile, lost a wheel...
Spongebob: Hey, can I drive?
Barnacleboy: Drive? What do you know about driving the invisible boat
Spongebob: Tons. Like the windshield wipers are right here. (pushes a button)
Barnacleboy: Don't touch that button, it's the... (folds into origami swan) ...origami button.
Mermaidman: When you patrol in the city, you'll always have to be vigilante, on your toes, constantly alert, always expect the unexpected.
Spongebob: Hey! (makes MM & BB jump off the building by scaring them) I got the donuts!
Spongebob & Mermaidman: ...and Barnacleboy laid an egg. Hey-hey!
Mermaidman: Oh, that fellow over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know that he doesn't look like much, but he could go back to crime... (snaps fingers) ...just like that. (laughs)
Atomic Flounder: Help! Help! Help somebody here.
Spongebob: You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder.
Mermaidman: Stop kid. Stop! Let him go.
Spongebob: But you said he could snap... (snaps fingers) ...just like that.
Atomic Flounder: What? Get off of me. If I weren't retired I'd, I'd... (screams to make lasers come out of his mouth and burns BB's head) ...do that! Out of my way, punk.
(At The Diner)
Spongebob: I can't believe it: I rode in the invisible boat mobile, I met a villain, and I learned to treat third-degree burns. All in one day. So, what are we going to do tomorrow.
Barnacleboy: Uh, uh, say kid, why don't you take this nickel and go see if our theme song in on the jukebox.
Spongebob: Ok. (goes to the jukebox)
Mermaidman: Ya know, for a pain in the neck, he's a pretty nice kid.
Barnacleboy: Let's ditch 'em.
Mermaidman: I'm right behind you.
Spongebob: (looking through the selection of songs) It doesn't seem to be here.
Barnacleboy: Oh, it's there all right.
Mermaidman: Keep looking. Diligence. Diligence.
Spongebob: Aye, aye, sir. (looks again)
Barnacleboy: Dag, nabbit.
Mermaidman: What's the matter?
Barnacleboy: Where did we park the invisible boat mobile.
Spongebob: Aw, that's the 15th time I've looked. (deep voice) But I can't let my heroes down.
Mermaidman: Boat mobile, where are you? (tries to find it) Barnacleboy, I found it. (turns engine on and BB gets burned)
Dirty Bubble: (laughs) Still getting burned off that tail pipe, huh Barnacleboy? (laughs)
Barnacleboy: It's the dirty bubble.
Mermaidman: In all his dirty roundness.
Barnacleboy: Ohh, no!
Spongebob: I found it and it's the special dance mix.
Mermaidman & Barnacleboy: Help! Help! Help!
Spongebob: Holy krabby patties! Mermaidman and Barnacleboy's arch nemesis: The Dirty Bubble. I can't believe it.
Dirty Bubble: (laughs) You cannot save them, Sponge of Mystery. They are trapped by my awesome surface tension.
Spongebob: You don't understand. You're my most favorite super villain. Can I get your autograph? (gets out a pencil and notepad)
Dirty Bubble: Oh, no. Oh, no you fool. Stay back. The point. Ooh, ooh. Watch the point! Ahh! (pops Dirty Bubble with pencil)
Mermaidman: Aha! You saved us son.
Barnacleboy: Yeah, you're a hero.
Spongebob: I am?
Mermaidman: Are you up for another ride in the invisible boat mobile?
Oh, Jingle bells
Barnacleboy laid an egg
The Dirty Bubble popped
And Mermaidman and Barnacleboy and Spongebob got away. Haha!