Written by Paul Tibbitt, Mark O’Hare,
and Mr. Lawrence
TV Announcer: Mermaidman: Fleet and Forceful. With
the ability to assemble and charge the creatures of the
Mermaidman: By the power of Neptune!
TV Announcer: Mermaidman, with his young associate Barnacleboy, fights
for all creatures who live in the sea, against the forces of evil.
Villain: Oh, no! The Raging Whirlpool.
TV Announcer: Mermaidman: Champion of the Deep.
Spongebob & Patrick: Yay! Champion of the deep! Woo!
Spongebob: (dressed up as MM) Come, Barnacleboy. There's evil
Patrick: (dressed up as BB) Leaping' Lamb Craze, Mermaidman. I'm
right behind you.
Spongebob: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy spot their arch enemy, Reflecto,
up to no good.
Spongebob: You know what this means.
Spongebob & Patrick: Ooohh.
Spongebob: By the power of Neptune. (Patrick bites into the donut)
Spongebob & Patrick: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy Unite!
Spongebob: Creatures of the deep, assemble! (both go into deep thinking) Think...harder...Barnacleboy. (jellyfish
swims by) Here they come. (Squidward blows jellyfish away)
Spongebob: Blast, Reflecto has become too powerful.
Squidward: (under a tent) What the? Ohh!
Spongebob: If Reflecto is cut off from sunlight, he becomes weak.
Patrick: Jumping Jellyfish, Mermaidman. He's destroying the shield.
Spongebob: Quick, Barnacleboy, back to the sea cave.
Patrick: Right, Mermaidman.
Squidward: Spongebob! Spongebob, open up!
Spongebob: Reflecto has found our secret lab.
Patrick: What would the real Mermaidman do?
Squidward: Why don't you go ask him yourself?
Spongebob: Elaborate, you vial fiend.
Squidward: He and Barnacleboy live in the retirement home on the other
side of town.
Spongebob: Hmm, they must be working undercover.
Squidward: Yeah...now please leave me alone.
Spongebob & Patrick: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy reunite!
(At Shady Shoals Retirement Home)
Spongebob: Excuse me, I know that Mermaidman is working undercover on
an important case, but you think we can see him?
Manager: Undercover? Yeah...well I'll see if they can take time from
their busy schedule to see you. (Spongebob and Patrick laughing as they
walk in) There they are. Right over there. (Spongebob and Patrick
Manager: Try not to surprise them.
Spongebob: Patrick! Can you believe it?
Patrick: (holding onto Spongebob) Mermaidman and Barnacleboy in
the flesh! (Spongebob and Patrick walk in front of the TV)
Barnacleboy: Hey, who are those guys?
Mermaidman: Uhh, are they here to fix the TV?
Barnacleboy: What do you want?
Spongebob: Are you Mermaidman and Barnacleboy?
Barnacleboy: Well, we used to be. But now we're retired.
Spongebob: But you can't retire! There's evil afoot.
Mermaidman: Wha? Evil. EVIL! Barnacleboy! Come quick, cause there's evil!
Spongebob: All I said that there was evil afoot.
Mermaidman: EVIL! EVIL! E...
Barnacleboy: Would you please stop saying that?
Mermaidman: (hanging on a water fountain) EVIL! EVIL, EVIL, EVIL,
EVIL, EVIL! (water squirts at MM) Death Ray!
Spongebob: Wow, Mermaidman and Barnacleboy.
Patrick: It's too bad their old.
Spongebob: What do you mean, Patrick? Old people are the greatest. Their
full of wisdom and experience. (captain gives a thumbs up) The world
needs Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. Someone, somewhere, is in trouble, and
I won't rest until Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are out of retirement. (fireworks
Patrick: Ooh! Pretty lights!
(At The home's cafeteria)
Mermaidman: To the meatloaf! To the broccoli! Make sure you give extra
broccoli to my young ward. The boy needs his vitamins.
Cafeteria Lady: Here you go, son. Haha.
Mermaidman: To the table, away!
Barnacleboy: Careful! Don't run!
Spongebob: Hey, Mermaidman.
Mermaidman: Uh, here comes the TV repairman.
Barnacleboy: What do you want from us.
Spongebob: Hold on. Just let me look at ya.
Mermaidman: Stay alert, Barnacleboy. He...he's up to something.
Barnacleboy: Will you cut...will you stop calling me 'boy'?
Spongebob: Do you remember the time the food supply in Atlantis was running
low? So you invited a ray gun that makes things grow six times their size
to shoot at the kelp gardens. But then the evil ManRay swoops down and swipes
the gun away and shoots all the algae. And he globs on the undersea gum.
And he starts sucking up the glass.
Barnacleboy: What's your point, kid?
Spongebob: You guys are the greatest heroes of all time, and I think
you should come out of retirement.
Mermaidman: Listen up, you villains. I wanna eat my meatloaf. If you
don't get out of here, then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce
you man and wife.
Manager: What is going on in here?
Mermaidman: You may kiss the bride! (Spongebob gets kicked out)
Patrick: Did you re-unite our heroes?
Spongebob: No, but I'm married.
(Back at the retirement home)
Mermaidman: Up, up, and away. Up, up, and away.
Spongebob: (dressed up as a woman) Oh, my. This purse is so big
Patrick: (dressed up as the bad guy robber) Hold it right there,
ma’am. I'll be taking that.
Spongebob: Aah! Help! Help! Help!
Patrick: It's working.
Spongebob: Why, are you here to rescue little ol' me?
Barnacleboy: Pie down! You could wake Mermaidman and he's ori when he's
Spongebob: Ever alert, Mermaidman has trained himself to sleep with his
Barnacleboy: Confound it, get away from him.
Mermaidman: Stop shoutin'. I'm napping!!
Barnacleboy: It’s not me, you ol' coot!
Retired Elderly #1: Yes.
Retired Elderly #2: That's me.
Retired Elderly #3: I'm over here.
Spongebob: Excuse me, Mermaidman.
Mermaidman: What do you want?
Barnacleboy: This better be good.
Spongebob: This'll cheer you up. We're almost done painting your invisible
Barnacleboy: Gah! It's suppose to be invisible. That's it! We gotta end
our life of leisure. Time to come out of retirement. There's evil afoot.
Mermaidman: EVIL! Where is it?
Barnacleboy: There it is! (points at SB & Pat) You know what this
means? (opens up box with shiny rings)
Barnacleboy: Oh, brother. (puts ring on MM and then they put them
together) Say the oath.
Mermaidman: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy UNITE! Throw waterballs at 'em!
Spongebob & Patrick: Waterball! Waterball! (BB throws waterball at
Barnacleboy: Mumblingmories. It's not working, Mermaidman. He's absorbing
it like some kind of evil sponge.
Mermaidman & Barnacleboy: Dog paddle, away!
Patrick: It's the waging whirlpool. (SB and Pat cheer)
Mermaidman: Those fiends. They're actually enjoying it.
Spongebob & Patrick: Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!
Barnacleboy: Now what, Mermaidman? We need help!
Mermaidman & Barnacleboy: Sea creatures, assemble! (sea creatures
are retired so they come slowly)
Barnacleboy: Hmm, the creatures of the deep seem to have lost some of
Mermaidman: Sea creatures, attack!
Spongebob: Pinch me, I must be dreaming. (sea creatures pick up SB & Pat) Mission
Patrick: Yeah, we did it. (sea creatures throw them out)
Mermaidman: I did it. I feel 5 years younger. Oh, it's good to be back!
Barnacleboy: We did it, you ol' coot.
Mermaidman: Who are you?
TV Announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy! We join
our heroes locked in a battle of wits. (MM & BB play checkers when phone
Mermaidman: It's the Aquaphone! What is it, Chief? Uhh, hello? Hello?
Hello? ("HANG UP" appears) The phone is still broken. Remind me to
get that fixed. ("SIT" appears)
Barnacleboy: Remind you of what?
Mermaidman: Remind me of what?
TV Announcer: Will our heroes ever get their phones fixed? Tune in
next week and find out.
Spongebob: Wow. That was even better than the old show.
Patrick: It's all thanks to you. (Spongebob winks)