Squidward: One Krabby Patty for
table two. Spongebob, I don’t have the whole day.
Spongebob: Oui, oui. Un Krabby Patty, Monsieur.
First, les patty. (flips patty in air and through one
of his holes)
Squidward: Come on, Spongebob!
Spongebob: Next, les ingredients. Ah, whee! (catches
food all around his body) Les mustard. (squirts
some in eye)
Squidward: Will you quit fooling around, where’s
my Krabby Patty?
Spongebob: Les hold on a second! (takes his head
off and shakes it then puts it back on) And voila. (pulls
out a Krabby Patty under Squidward's nose) It’s
under your nose!
Squidward: You’re killing me Spongebob! Ha
ha ha ha...you really are.
Spongebob: Look at it, Squidward. Mr Krabs gift
to all of Bikini Bottom, the Krabby Patty.
Squidward: Ok, give it to me. (patty jumps off
plate and climbs all over the kitchen stuff) Come on
Spongebob, stop it!
Spongebob: I swear, I’m not doing anything!
Mr Krabs! The Krabby Patty is haunted! (Mr Krabs stabs
the patty with his leg)
Mr Krabs: Avas, ye patty pirate! This is no ghost.
It's Plankton! Stealing me booty!
Plankton: Hear me Krabs. When I discover your formula
for Krabby Patties, I’ll run you out of business.
I went to college! (picks up Plankton) Hey! Let
Mr Krabs: I’ll let you go all right, squirt.
On a flying saucer! (puts Plankton on a plate throws
the plate back to the Chum Bucket) Back to the Chum
Bucket with you!
Plankton: You’ll pay for this Krabs!
Spongebob: Uhh...Plankton, sir?
Mr Krabs: Aye, he’s been trying to steal me
secret formula for years. But you haven’t got it
yet, have ye bug? Ok. (Spongebob laughs) Enough
lad, it wasn’t that funny. (Spongebob laughs more) Get
back to work! (stops laughing)
Spongebob: Ok Mr Krabs, see you tomorrow!
Mr Krabs: Good night, me boy!
Plankton: Psst...young man. (Spongebob looks
around) Yes, over here. Come on boy, a little closer. (walks
forward) Closer... (walks closer) Not that close! (steps
on Plankton) You blasted barnacle head! I mean, hi!
Spongebob: Plankton? What do you want?
Plankton: I just want to talk. You could say we’re
Plankton: Well, we’re both invertebrates,
Spongebob: I guess so.
Plankton: You see? Everything works out. I have
something for you. I’ve been keeping it in my secret
compartment. (takes out a golden spatula) Ching!
Spongebob: Wow! A golden spatula! And its even got
my name on it!
Plankton: It’s a gift! A gift from a friend. (hugs
Spongebob’s thumb) Friends give each other gifts.
And tomorrow is my birthday. (puts on a birthday hat
and on Spongebob’s thumb and takes out a cake) And
you know what I’d like more than anything in the
whole wide world? (blows out the candles)
Spongebob: A booster seat?
Plankton: Booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no. What
I want for my birthday from you my friend, is one of those
Spongebob: You just want to be friends so you can
get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet it’s
not even your birthday tomorrow.
Plankton: Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
Spongebob: You’ll never get a Krabby Patty
from me, even if we are friends! Never, never, never, never!
Plankton: Oh, I’ll get a Krabby Patty and
you’re going to hand-deliver it to me personally!
You weak-minded fool! (takes out a record player and
plays evil music and laughs along with it)
Spongebob: Good night, Gary.
(Spongebob goes to sleep then Plankton jumps up as a
flower on Spongebob's bed)
Plankton: Spongebob, you will be mine! (pulls
out the record player and laughs with it but instead it
plays the ABC’s. Plankton flips the record and laughs
again then pulls out a map of a brain while in Spongebob's
head) It should be in here...but where? (standing
on the brain) Where? Oh. This will be the beginning
of the end! (Spongebob turns over on his left side and
the brain rolls over Plankton) Ouch! Stupid brain.
Come back here you swine! (Spongebob rolls around a
couple more times until the brain stops and Plankton tapes
it down) That’s it brain, you’re going
down! Yes, yes, that’s grand. (takes out some
blueprints) And now, for my very elaborate and college-educated
plan. (Plankton puts the antenna in Spongebob's brain) And
now it’s time for a little wakey-uppy. (Plankton
touches the 'total control' button with his foot that tells
Spongebob to wake up)
Spongebob: Morning already? (Plankton shifts
the controls to where Spongebob's legs are at his side) I...I
feel a little funny today.
Plankton: I have you now! (Spongebob walks to
Spongebob: Time for a well-balanced breakfast. (crashes
through the wall and through the fridge) This isn’t
what I had in mind. (walks toward his pants) Let
me just grab my pants. (runs into pants but doesn’t
put them on) I guess I’m not wearing any pants
today. (crashes through the wall) I guess I’m
not using the door either. See you later Gary…I
Spongebob: You’re right, Gary! There is something
wrong with me! Squidward! Squidward! Wake up! I need some
help! Squidward! Help!
Squidward: Be quiet, Spongebob! (crashes through
Squidward: Spongebob! What are you doing? I’m
talking to you! Spongebob! (Spongebob crashes through
the opposite wall then turns head) Spongebob, are you
Plankton: Shut your mouth, you medioc re clarinet
Plankton: You pretentious little insignificant
artist. Your snivelly creations are worth less than
a protozoa’s waste!
Spongebob: Something must be wrong with my brain! (rolls
his eyes to the back of his head and notices Plankton) Plankton!
What kind of friend are you?
Plankton: Nonsense. You never liked me anyway.
You wouldn’t even come to my birthday party!
Spongebob: Get out of my head! Leave me brain
alone! Never! Never! (laughs evilly and walks out
backwards. Spongebob walks through Patrick’s
rock and then onto the Krusty Krab)
Plankton: How about a little take-out!
Spongebob: No, never! You can’t fool me
Plankton, you want the Krabby Patty secret formula! (walks
into the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: You are going to hand it over to me
Spongebob: No, no, no! There’s no one
Plankton: Don’t remind me. Brace yourself
Spongebob, this is my lab! (walks into a room with
a video of a Labrador Retriever then walk into Plankton's
laboratory) And this is my laboratory! And did
I ever show you my record player? (pulls it out
and plays dramatic music)
Spongebob: I must fight! (tries to break
free but can’t)
Plankton: No, no, no. There, you see how much
easier it is when you help, friend? How do you like
my analyzer? It tells the ingredients of whatever I
put into it. (a mechanical arm puts in some seaweed
in the analyzer)
Karen: Seaweed: 50% Sea; 50% Weed. (picture
of the seaweed appears)
Plankton: Impressed? Now let’s reveal
that secret formula. (pulls the lever forward making
a couple of Spongebob's fingers slip off) And this
little piggy brought home a Krabby Patty. (more
fingers let go of the patty) This little piggy
will help me drop it in. Any last words, Spongebob
Spongebob: I just have to say I’m sorry
I let Mr Krabs down. I let all of Bikini Bottom down.
But worst of all, I let you down, you delicate little
Spongebob: With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious,
warm, steamy goodness.
Plankton: Steamy... (a real patty is shown
Spongebob: I’ll never forget your 100%
all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea
cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly
steamed between two fluffy seaweed-sea buns. (Plankton
Plankton: Yes…yes…yes!! (jumps
at the patty) Come to poppa! (Plankton bounces
off the patty and goes in the analyzer) Oh boy.
Karen: Plankton: 1% Evil, 99% Hot Gas. (shows
Plankton on the screen)
Plankton: Well this stinks.
Spongebob: Well patty, I guess we can go home
Plankton: Spongebob, that’s my Krabby
Patty! (Spongebob walks out and the doors swing
open and close a few times) Give it back you porous
freak! I command you! My patty! No!! I’ll settle
for some fries.