Squidward: Ah, how I have dreamed
of this day. Mr Tentacles: Professor of Art. What a marvelous
opportunity for the people of Bikini Bottom. Bring me your
huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them
into my image. (wife’s head turns into Squidwards) And
I'll go down in history, someday. And there will be a wing
with my name on it in all the museums of the world.
Janitor: Dude, you're teaching art at the rec center. Calm down.
Squidward: Uncultured trash urchin. 9am. Time to let the class in. Well,
don't want to keep them waiting any longer. (opens door) Welcome to
Fish: Oh, isn't this cooking? Sorry. (everyone leaves except one)
Spongebob: Hi, Squidward! Are you taking this art class, too?
Squidward: Spongebob? In art class? Wait! This is cooking! Come back!
You gotta be kidding.
Spongebob: (laughs) This is great! You and me in school together.
So, where's the teacher?
Squidward: You're looking at him.
Spongebob: You are the teacher? To my pupil? This isn't art class, it's
Squidward: Yeah. Grab a little piece of Heaven and let's get on with
Spongebob: I'm ready, Mr Tentacles.
Squidward: So, you wanna be an artist, eh, Spongebob?
Spongebob: Yes, please.
Squidward: Well, art is not all fun and games. It's a lot of hard work.
First, repeat after me: I have no talent.
Spongebob: I have no talent.
Squidward: Mr Tentacles has all the talent.
Spongebob: Mr Tentacles has all the talent.
Squidward: If I'm lucky, some of Mr Tentacles talent will rub off on
Spongebob: If I'm lucky, some of Mr Talent will rub his tentacles on
my art. (smiles)
Squidward: Whatever. Ok. Since you’re telling me you have no prior
training, we'll have to start from square one. Or should I say circle one. (laughs) Am
I going to fast for you Spongebob?
Spongebob: How's this, Squidward?
Squidward: What the? How the? A perfect circle? Do it again. Show your
Spongebob: Well, first I draw this head. Then I erase some of the more
detailed features. And one, two, three. A circle, uhh, thingy.
Squidward: Gimme that. (crumples paper) Forget the circles.
Spongebob: Ooh, nice one Squidward. Let me try. (laughs) Lookie,
Squidward. It's you and me playing leapfrog. That's you on the bottom.
Squidward: Gimme that. (rips up paper) There is nothing artistic
about leapfrog. (Spongebob puts pieces together) What are you doing,
Spongebob: I call it: Rippy Bits. You take a bunch of old ripped of paper,
and make a new picture out of it. See? You're on top...this...time. (blows
Squidward: Do you want to learn art, or not?
Spongebob: I'm sorry, Squidward, I'll listen.
Squidward: Alright, Spongebob, pay close attention. Look at your marble.
Visualize the sculpture within. And... (hits marble with tools and it
Spongebob: (hits marble with tools and it becomes a perfect sculpture) How's
Squidward: It's beautiful. I mean, this isn't a sculpture. A good sculpture
takes...more time. You can't just sculpt Willie-Nillie. You've got to go
by the book. Follow the rules. Otherwise, you'll never get passed Amateur
Hour, here. Besides, you've got the nose wrong. (Squidward puts a nose
like his on the sculpture) There, now it's art.
Spongebob: Oh, it's so obvious. I would've never thought of that. I'm
sorry, Squidward. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shoved your lessons.
I'll never be a great artist like you. I don't deserve yor tutoring. I don't
deserve your kindness. I don't even deserve to use your door. (door opens
hitting Spongebob out the window in the garbage)
Monty: Hello there.
Spongebob: But I did deserve that. (garbage door closes) I deserved
that, too. (garbage man takes Spongebob to dump) And I deserve this!
Monty: Good day, sir.
Squidward: Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late.
Monty: Oh, I beg your pardon, but I've forgotten my manners. My name
is Monty P. Moneybags.
Squidward: World famous art collector?
Monty: The one and only.
Squidward: Well, what are you doing here?
Monty: I'm on a shopping spree. Buying art for my new museum.
Squidward: Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artiste.
I call this one: Squidward in repose.
Monty: I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my
Squidward: Why not?
Monty: Because, it's an art collection. (laughs)
Squidward: How about this one? I call it: Bold and Brash.
Monty: More like: Belongs in the Trash. (laughs)
Janitor: Sorry. I must've missed that one.
Monty: Maybe I should be...huh? What is that?
Squidward: Wait, wait. That's not uh, uh...
Monty: Angelic form, amazing detail, perfect censorship. This is the
work of a true genius. Hello? What this? This is the only flaw. Ah, that's
more like it. I simply must find the artist responsible. He shall have fame.
Squidward: Fame. (Squidward imagines himself as popular)
Squidward: Fortune. (Squidward imagines himself in a tub full of money)
Monty: Anything his heart desires.
Squidward: Anything? (Squidward imagines himself with hair) It's
me. It's me. I'm responsible.
Monty: I can see it now. Your name in the world's most prestigious museums.
I'm gonna make you, immortal!! Now, uh, help me get this in the car.
Squidward: I could use a little help. (sculptures head falls off and
turns into dust) My fame, my fortune, my hair.
Monty: Well, that's a bit a bad luck right there. But, this shouldn't
be a problem for an artist of your magnitude. You can whip up another one.
Squidward: Yeah, no problem. You know, between you and me, this isn't
my best work. Why don't you come back tomorrow and I'll have something that
will really knock your socks off.
Monty: Between you and me, I'm not wearing socks. (laughs)
Squidward: Yeah, no socks. Ok, see you tomorrow. Bye. I gotta find Spongebob!! (at
dump) Spongebob...Spongebob? Spongebob!
Spongebob: Go away, Squidward. I don't deserve your kindness.
Squidward: Hey, cheer up. I have decided to give you another chance.
Why, with a great teacher like me, anything is possible.
Spongebob: Don't look at me Squidward. Don't look at my shame. These
hands weren't meant to create. They only destroy. I can't look at them. (Spongebob's
hands pop off and run into a soup can)
Squidward: Aww, c'mon Spongebob. You've got yourself a pair of yellow
dandies here. With my help, we'll turn them into tools of beauty.
Spongebob: Wow. Really?
Squidward: Let's go.
Spongebob: Squidward, look. It's ol' bold and brash.
Squidward: Gimme that. (back at classroom) Ok, Spongebob. Just
do what you did before.
Squidward: Ah, ah. Wait, wait. Let me help. Let's start with the circle
Spongebob: I did it, Squidward.
Squidward: Huh? But, but, what about the head...and the erasing, and
Spongebob: I don’t know, Squidward. That stud’s not in the
Squidward: Uhh... (crumples paper) How about this, huh? Remember?
Spongebob: That's not in the book, either.
Squidward: Forget about the book. (rips book) Ha! Look at all
this mess Spongebob. What do all these little pieces of paper make you want
Spongebob: Wait, I know this. Oh, wait, I think I got it. (puts book
back together) Tada! (Squidward's nose melts off his face)
Squidward: Ok, Spongebob. Let's just move onto the marble.
Spongebob: First, an artist must concentrate and visualize his concept.
Squidward: Now you've got it.
Spongebob: I've gotta embrace the marble.
Spongebob: I've gotta sniff the marble.
Squidward: Well, uh, ok.
Spongebob: I've gotta lick the marble.
Spongebob: I've gotta wash the marble. I've gotta date the marble. I've
gotta be the marble. I've got it. I have see the sculpture within.
Squidward: Here you go, buddy.
Spongebob: With this tool, I shall give birth to art.
Squidward: Oh, boy. (Spongebob taps marble with tool and breaks into
Spongebob: But, one more thing. (puts
Squidward's nose on it) There. Now it's art. Well,
what do you think, Squidward? Just take it all in for a
moment. Let it soak in. (Squidward gets irritated and
throws everything into a pile) It looks like the excitement
of my artistic triumph is too much for Squidward. Oh, well,
back to the dump. To the dump, to the dump, to the dump,
dump dump. To the dump, to the dump, To the dump, dump
dump. (doors open)
Monty: I'm here for the...what the? Who is responsible for this?
Squidward: As of now, it's his responsibility. (puts hat on janitor's
head) Good day to you, sir.
Monty: You, sir, are the greatest artist whoever lived!