The Fry Cook Games - Spongebob Squarepants Transcripts
Written by Jay Lender,
Dan Povenmire, and Merriwether Williams
(Scene begins outside of the Fast Food Coliseum.)
Fish Head: Welcome, sports fans, to the 21st annual Bikini Bottom Fry Cook Games.
(Horns are played as a blue spotted fish runs into the stadium, holding a small torch. He runs up the stairs to a huge hamburger.)
Blue Spotted Fish: I declare these Fry Cook Games... open!
(A gust of wind blows by and puts out the flame on the torch. "Please Stand By" appears on the screen. The horns blow again and the fish runs back into the stadium, this time shielding the torch with his hand and panting. He runs back up the stairs to the huge hamburger.)
Fish Head: I declare these Fry Cook Games...
(blue spotted fish lights the huge hamburger.)
Fish Head: ... open!
(Blue spotted fish starts on fire.)
Fish Head: So begin the 21st Fry Cook Games. I'm a realistic Fish Head, and it's a beautiful day here at Bikini Bottom's Fast Food Coliseum.
(A clip plays showing a woman tossing a large straw into a large plastic cup.)
Fish Head: They come from everywhere microwaves hum.
(A clip of a woman throwing an uncooked patty onto a grill is shown.)
Fish Head: Patties sizzle.
(A clip of a fish bouncing on top of a large cube of gelatin and landing on a mat is shown.)
Fish Head: And heat lamps keep the fast food spirit warm... and soggy. But the real story is the bitter rivalry between former competitors Mr. Krabs of the Krusty Krab and Plankton of the Chum Bucket.
(Pictures of both Mr. Krabs and Plankton appear. A clip of Mr. Krabs lifting up two barrels of pickles is shown.)
Fish Head: Who could forget the year Mr. Krabs won gold for this five hundred pickle clean-and-jerk?
(Mr. Krabs is shown on a podium on the number one step, while Plankton is below him on the second.)
Fish Head: Not Plankton.
(Plankton sprays Mr. Krabs with a hose. A clip of Plankton flipping around while hanging onto two onion rings is shown.)
Fish Head: Or when Plankton won the hearts of millions by performing this perfect onion ring routine... with a broken antenna?
(A cast is around Plankton's left antenna. Plankton is shown in the number one spot on the podium this time, with Mr. Krabs below him.)
Fish Head: Krabs wasn't moved.
(Mr. Krabs blows Plankton off the podium.)
Fish Head: And now, late word is that this year, the Krusty Krab will be represented by a new competitor, on what is perhaps the greatest day of his young life. (A picture of a shadowy figure of a body with a question mark over it appears. The figure turns around and is revealed to be Spongebob, wearing a sweatband and sports uniform. SpongeBob is standing next to Mr. Krabs, who is sitting on a bench staring at a stopwatch.)
SpongeBob: This is perhaps the greatest day of my young life, Mr. Krabs.
(SpongeBob starts jogging in place.)
SpongeBob: I can't believe I'm representing the Krusty Krab in the Fry Cook Games.
(A spotlight shines down on him and he puts his hand on his heart.)
SpongeBob: To bring home the gold is to bring honor and glory to the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: And all that free publicity will bring in customers! So don't lose!
(Mr. Krabs walks away.)
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs!
(SpongeBob starts doing pushups.)
Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab!
(Patrick walks up.)
Patrick: Hey Spongebob.
SpongeBob: Hi Patrick.
(SpongeBob continues doing pushups.)
Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab!
(SpongeBob starts groaning.)
Patrick: Are you trying to move the ground? You'll never move it like that. You gotta get under...
(Patrick rips the piece of grass out from under Spongebob, flipping him over.)
Patrick: ...neath it!
SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, I'm trying to train for the games.
Patrick: Games? Can I play?
SpongeBob: Ah, sorry Patrick.
(SpongeBob starts jumping rope.)
SpongeBob: You have to be a fry cook.
Patrick: Be a fry cook? Is that all I gotta do? That'll be easy!
(SpongeBob tosses his jump rope behind him.)
SpongeBob: What do you mean easy?
Patrick: How hard can it be?
SpongeBob: They don't let just anybody be a fry cook. We're an elite corp!
Patrick: Oh, come on. You're just flippin' patties.
SpongeBob: Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds!
(Patrick flips a rock over with his foot.)
SpongeBob: Why don't you go home Patrick? You can compete in the Laying Under a Rock All Day Games.
Patrick: Well, at least I don't polish my fingernails.
(SpongeBob gasps and points at Patrick.)
SpongeBob: You take that back!
(SpongeBob's index finger gleams. Patrick dances around.)
Patrick: Fingernails! Fingernails! Fingernails!
SpongeBob: You don't even have fingernails.
Patrick: I cannot believe what I am hearing!
Spongebob: How can you hear it? You don't have ears either!
Patrick: Holes! Holes!
Spongebob: Cone head!
(Patrick screams and holds his head.)
Patrick: I'm gonna get a job as a fry cook and it'll be easy!
(Patrick walks off. SpongeBob growls and starts doing pushups again, this time faster)
Spongebob: Fine! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab!
(Mr. Krabs sniffs the air.)
Mr. Krabs: What's that smell in the air? I smell Plankton!
(Camera zooms over to Plankton, who is standing in the entranceway of the stadium.)
(Plankton pulls out a human nose from behind him.)
Plankton: Oh yeah?! Well I smell...
(Plankton sniffs himself.)
Plankton: Pew! He's right.
(Mr. Krabs runs over, his feet twinkling. Plankton does the same. Mr. Krabs makes a Broadway pose as corresponding music plays. Plankton makes a similar pose, holding a cane and a top hat. Mr. Krabs plays a piano, while Plankton blows into a tuba, messing up the rhythm.)
Plankton: I love messing things up.
(Plankton meets up with Mr. Krabs by getting on a small platform and pulling a lever which goes up to Mr. Krabs' height.)
Plankton: Are you ready to do or die, Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Always ready, Plankton. Always ready.
Plankton: Good. Because today, the Chum Bucket is going to kick...
(Plankton raises his arm and accidentally whacks the lever, causing him to lower again. He raises it back up.)
Plankton: ...your carapace!
Mr. Krabs: That's what you think, but I got me a champion. SpongeBob! Show him!
(SpongeBob does a karate routine, using two spatulas as nunchucks, then laughs innocently when he finishes.)
Mr. Krabs: Look at him. In his prime. You ain't got no chance!
Plankton: That's where you're wrong, Krabs, for I too have a champion.
(Plankton lowers a microphone.)
Plankton: Ladies and gentlemen, turn your attention to the southwest corridor!
(The crowd turns to the southeast corridor.)
Plankton: Other way! Imbeciles.
(The crowd turns to the southwest corridor.)
Plankton: And... stop! Perfect.
(In the entranceway, an extremely large shadow approaches, making loud stomps on the way.)
Plankton: Representing the Chum Bucket, a creature so fearsome, so terrible, so mind-bendingly large, that those of you with weak constitutions may want to leave the stadium. (Two parents cover up their child's eyes, and he covers theirs. Mr. Krabs' eyes sink into his shell. A muscular fish sits, trembling in the audience. He quickly gets up to leave.)
Muscular Fish: I gotta get outta here!
Plankton: Too late! Ready or not, here he comes. Quake with fear, you mortal fools. Bow down before the awesome might of...
(The wall of the stadium explodes. Fish fly everywhere. When the dust clears up, a huge, purple muscular fish is seen.)
Plankton: ...this huge guy who is carrying the real contestant...
(The huge fish turns around, revealing Patrick to be strapped to his back.)
Plankton: ...Patrick Star!
(Patrick waves happily. SpongeBob stares in shock. He walks up as Patrick gets down from the huge fish's back.)
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing here? You're not a fry cook.
Patrick: Oh, yes I am, Mr. SpongeBob SuperiorPants.
(Patrick lifts up his shirt.)
Patrick: Check it out!
(A name tag is stuck to his chest that says, "The Chum Bucket, Patrick.")
Patrick: I've been working for the Chum Bucket for almost five minutes.
SpongeBob: Well it doesn't matter anyway 'cause you're gonna eat my dust.
Patrick: Nuh uh. I'm eating my own dust.
SpongeBob: Not if I eat it first.
(The two walk away.)
SpongeBob: I can't believe it, Mr. Krabs. I thought Patrick was my friend.
Mr. Krabs: Friend? Not in here he ain't.
SpongeBob: What do you mean?
Plankton: He's not really your friend.
Patrick: He's not?
Plankton: He's plotting your downfall right now!
SpongeBob: He is?
Mr. Krabs: He's gonna stab you in the back.
Patrick: He wouldn't!
Plankton: Of course he would. Just look at him. Square: the shape of evil!
Mr. Krabs: He's making a mockery of your profession. Are we gonna let some pretender take away what belongs to the Krusty Krab?
Plankton: Then get mean!
Patrick: I'm mean!
Mr. Krabs: Get angry!
SpongeBob: I'm angry!
Plankton: Now get out there!
Mr. Krabs: And win...
Mr. Krabs: Medal!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahhh!
Huge Fish: Ahhh.
(Scene cuts to the first event.)
Fish Head: Our first event, the deep fry pole vault. (A deep fryer labeled "Fry King" sits in front of two high poles. SpongeBob stands in front of Mr. Krabs, holding a long pole.)
Mr. Krabs: Win this one for the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: For the Krusty Krab! (SpongeBob flips over the poles and the deep fry and splats down on the circle drawn in the ground. The crowd gasps. SpongeBob forms a number one sign and the crowd cheers.)
Plankton: Win this one because I told you too.
Patrick: Because you told me too! (Patrick flips over the poles but lands on the handle of the deep fryer, flinging it at the crowd and turning them into fish sticks. A vendor walks up and turns on a heat lamp.)
Vendor: Fish sticks! Get your fish sticks here!
(Scene cuts to the second event. SpongeBob and Patrick are standing in front of a tall ladder that leads to a diving board, perched above a bowl of chocolate syrup.)
Fish Head: The next event: the chocolate high dive.
Spongebob: Make way for the real fry cook, Patrick.
(SpongeBob climbs up the ladder.)
Fish Head: For his dive, Spongebob will be attempting a full banana fudge pop with two sticks.
(SpongeBob holds up two popsicle sticks and sticks them into the top of his head))
Fish Head: And now, absolute silence.
(The crowd stops chattering.)
(SpongeBob jumps off the diving board.)
SpongeBob: I scream for ice cream! (SpongeBob flips around a couple times, then leaps toward the bowl. He lands in the chocolate syrup getting coated in it, then hops out of it and into a sandbox full of toasted almonds.)
Fish Head: Perfect entry! And toasted almonds? That's unexpected.
(SpongeBob lands in the circle.)
Fish Head: He stuck it!
(SpongeBob turns around toward the camera and grins.)
Fish Head: And just look at that even coating.
(SpongeBob walks upside-down past Patrick, using the popsicle sticks for legs.)
Spongebob: Top that, Pinky.
(Plankton walks up.)
Plankton: Almonds? Curse him, that's good. But perhaps a bit too highbrow for this crowd. He thinks he's better than them!
Plankton: Better than you!
(Patrick groans louder.)
Plankton: Now get up there and show him how the common man prepares his frozen dairy treats!
(Patrick screams, then hops up onto the diving board with the lower half of his body inside an ice cream cone.)
Fish Head: Patrick will be resurrecting an old favorite. The single scoop strawberry cone with a chocolate dip.
(Patrick slowly leans off the edge until he falls off the diving board.)
Fish Head: Just look at that concentration.
(Patrick splashes into the bowl, with chocolate syrup flying everywhere.)
Fish Head: Ooh, a little shaky on that entrance.
(A live action strawberry cone with a chocolate dip is shown.)
Fish Head: But just look at that form!
(Patrick hops up to SpongeBob.)
Patrick: Take that, yellow boy.
SpongeBob: Laugh while you can, Pinky. It's not over yet.
Patrick: That's what you think, but it's not over yet.
(A clip of highlights from the games is shown, beginning with SpongeBob tossing a patty. Patrick skates on a large grill with butter on his feet. Patrick tosses a large bottle of ketchup up in the air. SpongeBob and Patrick race on a track carrying trays full of food; the two fly up in the air on two large spatulas. They both do a dance wearing colorful outfits and fruit hats. The clip ends. A large arena on top of a hamburger is on screen. The realistic Fish Head is still reporting.)
Fish Head: It's not over yet! With the score tied, we go to our final event! Bun wrestling. Who will take home the gold? Mr. Krabs of the Krusty Krab?
(Rubbing Spongebob's shoulders.)
Mr. Krabs: Don't forget, he called ye yellow.
(SpongeBob picks up a metal chain and bites off and chews up the middle of it. He bares his teeth, revealing the metal chain to now be attached to them like braces.)
Fish Head: Or Plankton of the Chum Bucket?
Plankton: Don't forget, he called you pink!
(Plankton hops away. Patrick growls as he picks up a lemon, rips it in half, and puts both halves into each of his eyes.)
(The bell rings. SpongeBob tears off his blue robe, showing off his extremely large, muscular body. Patrick rips off his own green robe, underneath which he is wearing a business suit. He tears off the business suit, also an revealing extremely large, muscular body. The two dive at each other, screaming, until they collide. They wrestle and continue to wind up in twisted positions. They spin around and wind up wrestling with themselves. They realize this, and dive back at each other. Patrick sits on top of Spongebob, holding his foot.)
Patrick: Forget the Chum Bucket. This is personal.
(Patrick takes off Spongebob's shoe and licks his foot slowly. SpongeBob screams in agony. The two wrestle again. SpongeBob sits on Patrick's chest and lifts up a pencil with the eraser side pointing toward Patrick. He slowly brings it down to his name tag and erases the "Pat" in "Patrick"))
Patrick: Ahhhhh! My name's... not... Rick! (Patrick tackles SpongeBob and the two wrestle once more.)
SpongeBob: I don't like you!
Patrick: I don't like you more!
SpongeBob: I never liked you!
Patrick: I a thousand times never liked you!
(They struggle to push each other until both of their pants rip and fall down. Patrick's underwear is yellow. SpongeBob's underwear pink.)
(Their eyes start to water.)
SpongeBob and Patrick: You do care!
(They both start crying and hug each other.)
SpongeBob: Let's promise never to fight again, buddy.
Patrick: Yeah, pal. Let's go home.
(The two friends walk off whistling and holding hands. The crowd boos.)
(Mr. Krabs runs up.)
Mr. Krabs: Hey! Where ya going?
(Plankton runs up next to Mr. Krabs.)
Plankton: Get back here and kill each other!
Patrick: You're my best friend ever.
SpongeBob: You too, Patrick.
Patrick: You know, these were white when I bought 'em.
SpongeBob and Patrick exit the stadium.