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Mermaidman and Barnacelboy V - Spongebob Squarepants TranscriptsWritten by C.H. Greenblatt, Kaz and Merriwether Williams Narrator: The
New Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. In a familiar
restaurant, in a familiar part of town, a call goes out in
frustration.
All: Will you hurry up? Narrator: A call that would normally be answered by Bikini Bottom's semi-retired champions. (If) they weren't the ones causing the problem. Mermaidman: Let's see...I wanna, no. I wanna, uh, no, uh, hmmm... Squidward: Sir, will you please order already? You're holding up the line! Spongebob: (whispering in Mermaidman's ear) Psst. Hey, Mermaidman, get a Krabby Patty. Mermaidman: I've made my decision. Line of Customers: Hooray! Mermaidman: 1 Krabby Patty for me and a Pipsqueak Patty for the boy. Barnacleboy: Now, wait just a darn minute. Line of Customers: Awww! Barnacleboy: I don't want a Pipsqueak Patty. I want an adult size Krabby Patty. Mermaidman: The Krabby Patty is too big for you. You'll never finish it. Barnacleboy: Don't you see what you're doing. You're treating me like a child. Mr Krabs: The boys eyes are bigger than his stomach. (laughs) Barnacleboy: And that's another thing. I'm not a boy. I'm so old I got hairs growing out of the wrinkles in my liver spots. (shows a hair popping out) Squidward: One Pipsqueak patty and your bib and high chair. Barnacleboy: I'm 68 years old and I want a Krabby Patty! Mermaidman: Your Pipsqueak is getting cold. Shall I feed you? Barnacleboy: Feed this, old man! (slaps the krabby patty out of Mermaidman's hand) I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra! From now on, I want to be called Barnacleman! And, I'm through protecting citizens that don't respect me! Spongebob: I respect you, Barnacleman! Barnacleman: That's Barnacleboy, I mean, man! Ohh...I say if you're not going to give me the respect I want as a hero, then maybe you'll give me respect as a villain. A villain who is...evil. Spongebob: Evil?? Mr Krabs, Squidward, Patrick, & Sandy Evil?? (Mr Krabs slaps MM) Mermaidman: EVIL!!! Barnacleman: I'm crossing over...to the dark side! (points to dark side of Krusty Krab) Mr Krabs: Why should I waste money lighting the whole store? (villain car comes in) Dirty Bubble: Did someone say evil? Spongebob: Holy oil spill! It's Mermaidman and Barnacleboy's arch enemies: ManRay and The Dirty Bubble! (BB gets in villain car) Barnacleman: Nighty night, you old goat! Mermaidman: Nighty-night! (to Squidward) Will you tuck me in? Realistic Fish Head: We interrupt your bleak and meaningless lives for this news report. ManRay, The Dirty Bubble, and now, playing for the darkside, Barnacleboy... Barnacleman: Barnacleman! Realistic Fish Head: ...have been committing a series of crimes in Bikini Bottom. (shows ManRay, The Dirty Bubble, and Barnacleman ding-dong-ditching) Barnacleman: Shh! Citizen: (opens door) I'll get you crazy kids. Realistic Fish Head: These three have named their new alliance: Every Villain Is Lemons, also known as E.V.I.L.! What can we do? When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat the evil? Why am I asking (you) all these questions? Mermaidman, where are you? (Mr Krabs slaps MM again) Mermaidman: Huh? I'm right here! Don't worry, good citizens! Nothing will stop me from defeating the E.V.I.L.! Nothing! (ice cream truck sounds) Ice cream? I love ice cream! Two scoops of prune with bran sprinkles. Mmm. (MM takes a bite but explodes then E.V.I.L. is shown as ice cream men) Barnacleman: You might as well give up, Mermaidman, because there are three of us and only one of you. You don't stand a chance. Spongebob: Are you okay, Mermaid Man? Oh, how are you going to beat those three guys all by yourself? Mermaidman: You're right. I give up. Spongebob: You can't give up. What if we help you? Mermaidman: No, no, that's a terrible idea. But what if you help me? Spongebob: Okay! Mermaidman: Who wants to save the world? Spongebob: I do! Sandy: I do! Patrick: I do! Squidward: I don't. Mr Krabs: Oh, yes, you do. No world means no money! Now go save the world or you're fired! Mermaidman: Then it's settled! To the Mermalair! Spongebob: Wow! The Mermalair! Mermaidman: These costumes belonged to the original International Justice League of Super Acquaintances! Spongebob: Wow! The I.J.L.S.A. were the most heroic heroes ever! And you had the best lunch box, too. Mermaidman: Once you put on these costumes, their fantastic powers will become yours. Sandy: Wow! I didn't think super powers worked that way. Mermaidman: Sure! Power's all in the costume! Why else would we run around in colored undies? Squidward: I can think of three good reasons. Narrator: The Quickster...with the ability to run really...quick! Spongebob: Want to see me run to that mountain and back? (doesnt move) Want to see me do it again? Narrator: Captain Magma...get him angry and he's bound to erupt! Squidward: Krakatoa! (lava shoots out) Narrator: The Elastic Waistband...able to stretch his body into fantastic shapes and forms! Patrick: I can finally touch my toes! (stretches his toes over the back of his body and to his hands) Narrator: And Miss Appear...now you see her...(disappears)...now you don't. Sandy: Does this outfit make me look fat? Narrator: The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances! A subsidiary of Viacom. Mermaidman: So, it's settled then. We'll get one cheese pizza, one with pepperoni and mushrooms, and one with olives. Chief: Super Acquaintances, we need your help. Spongebob: Holy halibut! it's the chief! Chief: Thank you for the introduction, Quickster, but we all know who I am! More importantly, we've found information on the whereabouts of E.V.I.L. Patrick: The whoseabouts of what? Sandy: You just tell us where they are, Chief, and we'll hog-tie 'em faster than you can say "Salsa Verde". Chief: Our sources last found E.V.I.L. harassing teenagers up at "Make Out Reef". You know, Make-Out Reef? (makes out with himself) Whoo hoo hoo! Spongebob: Flopping flounder, Mermaidman, Make-Out Reef! Mermaidman: Those fiends! Attacking hormonally stressed-out children! Squidward: Ah, Make-Out Reef. Good times, good times. Mermaidman: To Make-Out Reef, away! ?Patrick: Does this mean we're not getting pizza? John & Nancy: Stop, please! E.V.I.L.: John and Nancy, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Dirty Bubble: Oh! Shine the flashlight in that car, ManRay! ManRay: Haha, with pleasure! (shines on a kid making love to a pillow) Fish: Hey man, that's not cool. Mermaidman: You leave those young lovers alone! ManRay: Well if it isn't MilkMaidman! You've saved us the trouble of tracking you down! Mermaidman: You fiends can't win! You're outnumbered! ManRay: You senile bag of fish paste! There are three of us and only one of you! Spongebob: Make that two! ManRay: The Quickster! Squidward: Three! Barnacleman: Captain Magma! Patrick: Four! Dirty Bubble: The Elastic Waistband! Sandy: Five! E.V.I.L.: M-M-Miss Appear! Mermaidman: And me makes ten, I think. ManRay: Uh-oh, I don't have a good feeling about this. Barnacleman: Oh, there goes our toy deal. Mermaidman: Super Acquaintances, attack! Barnacleman: Oh no, please, mercy! Squidward: Krakatoa! (lava shoots out onto The Quickster) Spongebob: Ah! Ah! Ah! Get it off! Patrick: I'll save you, Quickster, ahh! (stretches his arms to try and save Quickster but ends up getting stuck) Mermaidman: I'll cool you off, Quickster, with one of my water balls! (concentrates but throws waterball at Captain Magma) Squidward: No, no, I'm Captain Magma! (gets hit) Sandy: Well, I guess it's up to me! I'll sneak over...unseen...and catch them by surprise. (a car hits Sandy sending her off the cliff) Spongebob: Get it off! Get it off! (eventually stops but only shown as shoes) Whew...I'm glad that's over! Barnacleman: We did it, we won! This day belongs to E.V.I.L.! You've lost Mermaidman, and the superhero/super-villain rules say you have to give in to my demands. Mermaidman: Okay, what do you want? ManRay: World domination! Tell him we want world domination! Dirty Bubble And make him eat dirt! Hahaha! In addition to the...domination thing. Barnacleman: First, I want to be treated like a superhero, not a sidekick. Second, I want to be called Barnacleman. And number three... ManRay: Come on, world domination! Barnacleman: I want an adult-sized Krabby Patty. Dirty Bubble: Did you hear him say anything about eating dirt? Barnacleman: Need a hand, superpal? (both start to get tears in their eyes) Mermaidman: Good to have you back on the side of justice, Kyle. Let's go get you that Krabby Patty! ManRay: Was that it? Oh, that's sickening. Dirty Bubble: Oh, this reminds me of the time I went to Cancun with the killer shrimp. Oh, they had these papaya drinks... ManRay: Oh, Neptune, shut up! Mermaidman: How is that adult-sized Krabby Patty treating you, Barnacleman? Barnacleman: Actually, it's pretty big. I'm not sure if I can finish the whole thing. (everyone laughs) End
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