Pranks A Lot - Spongebob Squarepants Transcripts
Written by Paul Tibbitt,
Kent Osborne, and Merriwether Williams
(at Palace Pranks)
Spongebob: Well, Patrick, here it is. The Palace of Pranks. The greatest novelty shop in Bikini Bottom. All the greatest pranksters shop here. This is where I got my gag Seanut Brittle can! (shows a can of Seanut Brittle)
Patrick: Oh boy, Seanut Brittle! Gimmie! (tries to open the can)
Spongebob: Patrick, wait, it's a booby trap, remember?
Patrick: Nice try, Squarepants, but it's not gonna work this time. I'm gonna have some of your delicious Seanut Brittle! (he opens the can, and fake purple snakes pop out) Where's the Seanut Brittle?
Spongebob: (laughs) That gets funnier every time you say it, Patrick. Come on, let's go inside. (Patrick begins to cry)
Patrick: Seanut Brittle? (Spongebob enters and smells the air)
Spongebob: Ah...nothing compares to the smell of cheap plastic novelty items. Pranks, gags, and gross-out toys as far as the eye can see! (he walks down an aisle) Isn't it everything I said it would be, Patrick?
Patrick: Hey, Seanut Brittle! (a bunch of fake snakes pop out) Oh, darn it, not again! (Spongebob laughs)
Frank: Good to see you, Spongebob. How's my number-one customer doing?
Spongebob: Oh great, Frank. This is my friend Patrick. He wants to be come a prankster too.
Frank: Well, pleasure to meet you, Patrick. (shakes Patrick hand but he has a buzzer so it shocks Patrick) That's your first lesson son, the granddaddy of all pranks. The joy buzzer.
Patrick: I don't get it.
Frank: You don't have to get it! The prank is for the enjoyment of the prankster.
Spongebob: You see, Patrick, Frank here is the master. I learned all I know about pranks from him. Ok, Frank, let's see what you've got.
Frank: Well, this came in just this morning. (shows package of gum) Have some gum. (Patrick chews the gum but then his head explodes) Exploding Chewing Gum! Only $9.95.
Patrick: I don't get it.
Spongebob: What can we get for one dollar? (shows a real dollar)
Frank: Well, one dollar will get you this fake gag dollar. (shows a fake dollar) Fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar.
Spongebob: What else have you got?
Frank: A whoopie cushion?
Frank: Fake vomit!
Frank: Real vomit?
Spongebob: Ew! Don't you have anything good?
Frank: Well, there is one prank that I've been saving for a real top of the line prankster. (shows spray can) Invisible Spray!
Spongebob: Wow! Invisible Spray!
Patrick: But I can see it.
Spongebob: Gee, Patrick, just think of the pranks we could pull with this! (gives Frank some money)
Frank: Good choice. Now be careful with that stuff, boys. It stains clothes.
Spongebob: Thanks, Frank! (Spongebob & Patrick are now outside) Here it is, Patrick. The ultimate prank. Invisible Spray!
Patrick: What are we gonna do with it?
Spongebob: I know! We'll go spray the park bench and then sit on it, and when people walk by, we'll be floating in mid-air! (both think about sitting on a bench surrounded by people while invisible)
Patrick: That's the ultimate prank! Good idea, Spongebob! (gives a thumbs up)
Spongebob: Well, let's get started. (Patrick takes off his shorts)
Patrick: OK, I'm ready.
Spongebob: Any particular reason you took your pants off?
Patrick: Well, that stuff stains clothes, right?
Spongebob: That it does, Patrick, that it does! Good thinking. Here, hold this a second. (Patrick takes the can of spray while Spongebob takes off his pants) Ok, Patrick, give me the can.
Patrick: I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.
Spongebob: Patrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.
Patrick: Yeah, but I said it was a good idea.
Spongebob: (takes the cam) Give me that thing! (try to get the can to work but they spray their clothes on accident and those disappear)
Patrick: Hey, the invisible spray works! (bus comes along)
Bus Driver: And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint. (a group of bus people laugh)
Spongebob: Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes! (Patrick sprays Spongebob's hand and it disappears)
Patrick: I gotta hand it to you, Spongebob. You look kinda funny. (Patrick laughs)
Spongebob: Righty! Where are you? No one messes with righty! (takes the spray can) We'll see how you like it! (sprays Patrick making a hole in the middle of his body) Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh? (Patrick takes the can)
Patrick: Yeah. (sprays one of Spongebob's eyes) I see what you mean! (Spongebob takes a turn at the spray can)
Spongebob: No guts, no glory! (laughs)
Narrator: Several bad puns later... (Spongebob & Patrick are invisible)
Patrick: Hey, I think this thing is empty!
Spongebob: Oh no, it can't be! How are we going to pull off the ultimate prank? Thanks a lot, Patrick, you used the last of it!
Patrick: Hey, I think I found our pants. (rip) Oops! Here, these are yours.
Spongebob: Oh, forget the pants, Patrick. Let's get home and wash this paint off. (both start to walk-off somewhere together)
Patrick: Hey Spongebob, do you know what time it is?
Spongebob: Oh sure, it's...half past invisible!
Patrick: Gee, it's getting late. (they walk up to a stranger)
Spongebob: Let's ask this guy. Excuse me sir, but do you have the time?
Citizen: Sure. (looks at his watch) It's, uhh, ten to three.
Spongebob: Thank you.
Citizen: Don't mention it. (turns around to notice no one is there)
Patrick: Don't mention what?
Citizen: Uhh, who said that?
Patrick: Me. (the citizen screams)
Citizen: Ghosts! (citizen drives off)
Patrick: Hey, I'm no ghost! Well, the nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs.
Spongebob: Wait a second, Patrick. My brain just hatched an idea!
Patrick: Lay it on me.
Spongebob: OK, we're invisible, right?
Spongebob: If that guy thought we were ghosts, we could haunt everybody in Bikini Bottom! Oh, it's the ultimate prank!
Spongebob & Patrick: Whoo! High five! (both give a high five)
Spongebob: Let's go scare us some suckers.
(At Sandy's House where she is reading a book until she hears a noise. She checks to see what it is but nothing is there)
Sandy: Well, that's funny. I thought I heard voices. Huh? I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table. And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday? And since when did I acquire all these portraits of Patrick?! (Spongebob & Patrick are covered in some sort of sheets)
Spongebob & Patrick:: Ooh! We're ghosts! Ooh! (Sandy laughs)
Sandy: I knew it was you guys! Alright, joke's over. Take off the sheets. (pulls off the sheets and notices there is nothing there. Then she screams) It is ghosts! (Sandy goes into an acorn ship and presses a button that sends her back to Texas)
Spongebob: Boy, we really scared her! (leave Sandy's house)
Patrick: Who's gonna be our next victim?
Spongebob: A better question would be, who isn't?
(At Mrs Puff's House)
Mrs Puff: Double Dark Deep-Sea Light Diet Cake! (laughs) You will soon be mine. (cake is eaten out of nowhere. Patrick's face is covered in cake so he wipes it off) Oh! (gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around) Ghosts!!
(At Squidward's house where he is painting)
Squidward: Huh? (the paintbrush he was using is floating in the air and is painting where Squidward was a mustache under Squid's nose)
Spongebob & Patrick:: Ooh! (Squids run through a wall)
Squidward: Ghosts!! (shown citizen surfing as an invisible surboard is surfind next to him)
Spongebob & Patrick:: Cow-a-bunga!
Surfer: Ghosts! (screams while falling off the board. Spongebob & Patrick are reading a newspaper)
Spongebob: It's official! We're the greatest pranksters ever. The whole town thinks we're ghosts. (Patrick is holding his newspaper upside down)
Spongebob: There's only one guy left to scare, and we'll have pranked everybody in Bikini Bottom. (title of an article says 'Krabs Last To Be Haunted! Says, 'I ain't afraid of no ghosts') Mr. Krabs... (Patrick's newspaper is upside down)
Patrick: It says he isn't scared of ghosts.
Spongebob: We'll see about that!
(At Krusty Krab where Mr Krabs is spying through some blinds)
Mr Krabs: Ghosts? Ha! I ain't afraid of no ghosts! Every sailor knows a ghost won't come near a fella as long as he's wearing his spotted neckerchief. ()grabs a hankerchief) And his dried up Sea Leprechaun. (shows ashes of Leprechaun) And a bit of gold never hurt. (showsn gold neckalce around Mr Krabs neck that says 'Foxy') But to be on the safe side, I'm also wearing me pants in a Maldon knot. (rope is attached) Got me shivering timber brace. And, the hairs on the back of me neck are taped down. And I'm all wrapped up in a suit of anti-ghost armor. And if none of this stuff works, I've got me secret weapon, the Specter Deflector! (shows a paddle with a ball on a string) So just try and get me, you ghosts! Bring it on. (lights black-out)
Spongebob & Patrick:: Ooh! Krabs!
Mr Krabs: Wha...? (a couple things begin to float)
Spongebob: Krabs, we've come to haunt you! (hits a ball)
Mr Krabs: Stay back! I'm well armed.
Spongebob & Patrick:: Ooh!
Mr Krabs: I'm warning you!
Spongebob & Patrick:: Ooh! (a pair of scissors cuts the ball off the paddle Mr Krabs was using)
Mr Krabs: Ooh...
Spongebob & Patrick:: Boo. (Mr Krabs runs away)
Mr Krabs: I gotta get out of here! (runs into a door)
Spongebob: You can't escape, Krabs. We've glued the door shut.
Mr Krabs: You'll never get me! (tries to run to the window but gets thrown back into a table)
Patrick: Nice try, Krabs, but we replaced all the glass with rubber. (Mr Krabs dives into the toilet but gets stuck)
Spongebob: Too late, Krabs. We've already clogged all the toilets. (shown all the stalls are stuffed with toilet paper. Mr Krabs cowars in a corner)
Mr Krabs: Please, spirits, leave me be!
Patrick: (laughs) We got him good, Spongebob.
Spongebob: Wait, Patrick, I've got one more idea. (to Mr Krabs) You're going to pay, Krabs!
Mr Krabs: No, spirits, please! (dollar is floating)
Spongebob: Pay! Pay! (a lighted match almost lights up the dollar)
Mr Krabs: No! Don't burn me dollar! (takes a bucket of water and throws it at the dollar. The water drips on Spongebob & Patrick making them appear slowly) Well well well, if it isn't Spongebob and Patrick!
Spongebob: I know not these names which you speak!
Patrick: Uhh, Spongebob? Spongebob, we're visible again.
Mr Krabs: So you two are the Bikini Bottom ghosts.
Spongebob: We're really sorry, Mr. Krabs. Please don't chop us into little pieces and eat them!
Mr Krabs: Hey, come on boys, I'm hip! I pulled my share of pranks when I was your age. Had me some laughs. That's what we did tonight, right? We had a good laugh. Come on, laugh with me! (all laugh) Uhh, any particular reason you boys are naked?
Spongebob: Yeah, the invisible paint stains clothes. (Mr Krabs laughs)
Mr Krabs: Course it does! Well, you two better hurry home, before someone sees you nude.
Spongebob: Yeah, I think I'd die of embarrassment if that happened.
Patrick: Me too.
Mr Krabs: Woo, now we wouldn't want that, would we? It's getting late now. You two pranksters better get going.
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, thanks for being such a good sport.
Mr Krabs: Don't mention it.
Spongebob: That Mr. Krabs, always looking out for me. What a guy.
Patrick: Yeah. (a white, round light shines on Spongebob & Patrick)
Mr Krabs: The Krusty Krab presents.... live nude pranksters! Starring the Bikini Bottom ghosts. (everyone laughs and cheers as Spongebob & Patrick try to cover up their body)
Spongebob: We should have bought the whoopie cushion!