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Fear of a Krabby Patty - Spongebob Squarepants Transcripts

Written by C.H. Greenblatt and Paul Tibbit

(Open on the Krusty Krab. Fish are eating food, Mr. Krabs is painting a picture and Squidward is manning the cash register.)
Mr Krabs: Finished! At last. (Shows the picture to Squidward and SpongeBob, who is now at the chef's window.) What do you boys think of my masterpiece?
Spongebob: (reading the sign) New business hours: 6 a.m. to 11 p.m.
Squidward: (yelling) What? That is totally unfair!
Spongebob: Squidward's right. That's totally unfair. Couldn't we get to work earlier than six a.m.? Like 5:30 a.m.? Or 5:00 a.m.? Or 4:00 a.m.? Or 8?
(Squidward zips up the chef's window)
Squidward: Zip it!
(Mr. Krabs places the sign on the store window. He stares out of the window and notices something surprising from across the street)
Mr Krabs: What the...?
(The Chum Bucket now displays a sign in front saying that it is "now open 23 hours")
Mr Krabs: ...The Chum Bucket open 23 hours? So that little piece of flotsam Plankton thinks he can stay open longer than me, does he?
(A customer walks up to him, tray in hand.)
Fish: Sure. I don't know. Why not?
Mr Krabs: Well, he's wrong!
Fish: Oh, o.k. Sure.
Mr Krabs: As of now, the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours.
(SpongeBob's head bursts through the wall, in the place where the chef's window used to be.)
Spongebob: Did you hear that, Squidward? We get to keep working and working and working without ever having to go home. I've got to pinch myself, because I must be dreaming.
(SpongeBob exits the punctured hole in the wall and stands flat on the floor. He starts pinching himself twice, then yells in pain. He pinches himself again and yells again, then does it four more times. After a brief pause, he pinches himself yet again.)
Spongebob: Well, I'm not dreaming.
(Switch to a telescope view of the front window of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs walks up to the sign and amends it to read, Open 24 hours!)
Plankton: (behind the scope) Open 24 hours, eh? I knew he couldn't resist staying open later than me. (He starts walking into the Chum Bucket) My evil plan is working perfectly. He'll run his employees into the ground, and when SpongeBob's mind finally cracks from exhaustion, I'll get him to tell me the secret Krabby Patty formula. (Laughs evilly. He notices after a while that his computer wife, Karen is not laughing with him.) Why aren't you laughing?
Karen: I've heard this joke before.
(Scene switches to the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is standing near the cash register with a bell and beater in hand.)
Mr Krabs: All right, everybody. The Krusty Krab is entering day three of non-stop service! Let's give it up for day three! (The camera shows the customers of the Krusty Krab eating their food and not being swayed by Mr. Krab's excitement.) Yee haw, day three!
Spongebob: (inside the kitchen, holding a Krabby patty.) Krabby Patty, I don't care if we have to stay open until the day after the end of time. As long as I am with you, I am complete.
(Bubbles fill the screen as the episode transitions to the outside of the Krusty Krab. It then cuts to the inside, where Mr. Krabs still is holding a bell)
Mr Krabs: Day ten of non-stop service!
Squidward: (exhausted) Mr. Krabs, can I go home yet?
Mr Krabs: No one goes home!
Squidward: (points to the bags under his eyes) Look at these bags under my eyes; even my bags have bags!
(The camera shows a closely detailed picture of Squidward's drowsy eyes)
Mr Krabs: Quit your bellyaching, Squidward; you don't hear SpongeBob complaining, do you?
Spongebob: (grilling hamburgers in the kitchen) K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-I-E-S, says I.
Mr Krabs: You could learn a few things from that boy.
Squidward: (through his teeth) Mr. Krabs, he is not normal
. (SpongeBob starts kissing a Krabby Patty.)
Mr Krabs: All right, you can sit down for five minutes. Then it's back to work.
(Squidward drops over and starts snoring. Plankton, wearing a tight black suit descends from a rope on the wall and monitors at SpongeBob.)
Plankton: Drats! He's not collapsing from exhaustion, but with a little more pressure, the Sponge will crack like an egg (clenches fist), and I'll be there to feast on the goo of his shattered psyche. (Slurps and then does an evil laugh.)
(Mr. Krabs notices Plankton, but since he is tiny, black and suspending from a coil, he believes Plankton is a small insect.)
Mr Krabs: Eww! A spider bug.
(Scene changes to the Chum Bucket a while later. Plankton is on the phone, ordering an item from the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs picks up on the other line.)
Mr Krabs: Krusty Krab! The restaurant that never closes. Would you like to place an order? (We hear a muffled sound from Mr. Krab's phone.) 10,000 Krabby Patties! We'll start your order right away, Mr....uh, uh...What was that name again? (Muffles coming from the phone. Mr. Krabs writes his information on a piece of paper) Uh huh...Peter Lankton. Wait a minute; this isn't some kind of prank, is it?
Plankton: Eh...no.
Mr Krabs: Good! We'll call you when it's ready, Mr. Lankton.
(Mr. Krabs bursts through the kitchen door, and starts yelling orders at SpongeBob.)
Mr Krabs: Kick it into high gear! We've got a big order! (Clutches SpongeBob, who is staring into space) I'm counting on you, boy. I need you to raise that spatular. (SpongeBob does so, enthusiastically) Yeah! And I need you to say, "Team Krusty Krab!"
Spongebob: Team Krusty Krab!
Mr Krabs: That's me boy! Now, make me 10,000 Krabby Patties. (SpongeBob's eyes swell up as Mr. Krabs walks away) And no breaks!
Spongebob: (Ecstatic) Did you hear that spatula? You, me and 10,000 Krabby Patties. And the best part? No breaks! (Pinches self) Wow!
(Cut to a view of the ocean with a small island with some palm trees in the background. Mr. Krabs floats by as he hits his bell)
Mr Krabs: Day 15! Give it up for day 15!
(SpongeBob floats by as the setting transforms into the nighttime)
Spongebob: K-R-A-B-B-Y...(drones off)
(Plankton floats by as the setting transforms into the daytime. Plankton laughs menacingly. SpongeBob floats by a lot faster.)
Spongebob: 1,322...
(Mr. Krabs floats by as the setting transforms into the nighttime. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob continue floating by as the setting changes from day to night and vice©versa)
Mr Krabs: Day 23! Give it up for day 23!
Spongebob: 6,654...
Mr Krabs: Day 30!
Spongebob: 7,121...
(Plankton floats by now. He laughs menacingly. Burger items float by. SpongeBob floats by)
Spongebob: 8,659
(Old Man Jenkins floats by, confused)
Old Man Jenkins: Wait, what's going on? Whoa, whoa!
(The scene switches back to the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs appears extremely tired)
Mr Krabs: Day...[record scratch] anyone know how many days it's been? I've lost track.
Squidward: (Breathing heavily next to a pile of Krabby Patties.) Forty-three (Gasps, as the top of his head expands and shrinks.)
(SpongeBob places a tray of food items on the chef's window and then shoves them off. He does the same again for a smelly boot.)
Mr Krabs: What the flimflam? (Enters the kitchen and notices SpongeBob looking like a wreck.) What are you doing in here, boy? You're wasting all me food. (SpongeBob does not answer him) Boy?
(SpongeBob starts fighting the air with his spatula. Mr. Krabs hits him on the back of his head.)
Spongebob: (Drowsily) Oh, hey Mr. Krabs. When did you get here?
Mr Krabs: Boy, I'm worried that...(Mr. Krabs turns into a giant talking Krabby Patty.) Got it?
Spongebob: (wiping his eyes) I'm sorry Mr. Krabs. Could you run that by me again?
Mr Krabs: Sure, I said I'm worried that...(He turns into a Krabby Patty again. He turns back into himself after he stops talking.)
Spongebob: That's what I thought you said. Now, let me offer this as a rebuttal: (he starts screaming and throwing his hands in the air. He hides in the corner, waving his spatula at Mr. Krabs) Stay back! I'm warning you!
Mr Krabs: (Starts walking towards SpongeBob) All right. Now you're just acting silly. I want you to...(Mr. Krabs turns into a Krabby Patty again)
Spongebob: No, don't eat me; I'm too chewy. (Screams and runs outside the kitchen, where his eyes bulge as he notices the customers are now Krabby Patties) Holy shrimp! They're everywhere! (Runs screaming and knocks into a Krabby Patty, falling.)
Krabby Patty: (looking at him) What?
Spongebob: (Running and screaming. He starts screaming at two Krabby Patties sitting at a table, then one going to the bathroom and then screaming and pointing at a normal looking fish wearing a light purple shirt)
Female Companion: I told you that shirt was hideous.
(SpongeBob screams again as Mr. Krabs grabs him and pulls him into the kitchen, while SpongeBob is digging his nails into the floor.)
Spongebob: No, no! I want to live! (He enters the kitchen, but bursts the door open) I want to live (He's dragged back inside.)
(The camera shows Squidward, exhausted.)
Spongebob: (inside the kitchen) Mr. Krabs, what's going on? Everywhere I look, I see killer Krabby Patties.
Mr Krabs: (patting SpongeBob's head) There, there. I'm sure it's nothing that getting back to work won't solve. Here's your spatular. (Hands SpongeBob his spatula)
Spongebob: (repeating) Spatular.
Mr Krabs: (showing SpongeBob his grill) and here's the grill.
Spongebob: (repeating) Grill.
Mr Krabs: (Showing SpongeBob some patties in his hands) and here are some fresh Krabby...
(SpongeBob starts screaming again. When Mr. Krabs pulls the patties away, SpongeBob's scream lessens. He pulls the patties out in front of him and continues pushing and pulling them forward.)
Mr Krabs: Hmm, there may be a problem after all.
Spongebob: What does this mean?
Mr Krabs: It means there's something wrong with your head. Look, I think maybe you should see a professional.
Spongebob: Wrestler?
Mr Krabs: No, a psychiatrist.
Spongebob: Oh, but where am I going to find a psychiatrist? (A paper airplane hits him in the head) Ow! (Plankton is heading at the chef's window and then drops down. SpongeBob starts reading the paper) Hey, look at this! "Dr. Peter Lankton: Psychiatrist. Specializing in Krabby Patty phobias". Gosh, I don't know about this, Krabs; wouldn't I have to miss work if I went to see...(Mr. Krabs holds up a patty in front of SpongeBob's face. SpongeBob points and screams at it, then runs off.)
(The scene switches to SpongeBob, paper in hand, finding out where the psychiatric center is.)
Spongebob: (looking up) Well, this looks like the place. (It is the Chum Bucket with the sign "Dr. P. Lankton Psychiatrist" on it. SpongeBob enters, looking for the psychiatrist) Hello? Doctor?
Plankton: Come in, Mr. SquarePants. Please have a seat on the couch. (SpongeBob sits on the couch. He turns his chair around so that we can see Plankton wearing a costume and beard.) Now...(chuckles) Let's unload all that harmful information in your little yellow head.
Spongebob: You're a bit smaller than I imagined, doctor, but I guess that's why they call you shrink (laughs). Do you think there's hope for me, doctor?
Plankton: Hope, hope? When I get my hands on that formula, there won't be any hope for any of you. (Laughs, but then clears his throat) Yeah, I mean: you'll be cured in no time.
Spongebob: Oh, good.
Plankton: Let's start with a simple exercise.
Spongebob: Jumping jacks?
Plankton: I want you to close your eyes. (SpongeBob lightly closes his eyes) Tighter (he closes his eyes tighter) Tighter (Tightens them even more, until the rip off.) Too tight! Now, tell me what you see?
Spongebob: I see giant Krabby Patties.
Plankton: Good, and what are they made of? (He starts recording on a voice recorder)
Spongebob: Hatred!
Plankton: No, I mean ingredients. What are the stinking ingredients?
Spongebob: They're coming for me. No! No! No! Stay back! (Grabs a piano and holds it threateningly in the air)
Plankton: Wait, where'd you get that piano? (SpongeBob smashes Plankton with the piano. He groans. Later, he continues his psychology.) We're trying something else. I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first word that pops into your head. Ready?
Spongebob: I'm ready!
Plankton: Work.
Spongebob: Work.
Plankton: Spatula.
Spongebob: Spatula.
Plankton: Bun.
Spongebob: Bun.
Plankton: See, the key is to say something different than what I say.
Spongebob: Oh, o.k. I've got it.
Plankton: Potato
Spongebob: Poh-tah-to
Plankton: Tomato
Spongebob: Toh-mah-to
(Scene switches to SpongeBob kneeling on the floor looking at various cards.)
Plankton: I've laid out some words on cards here. These words are common kitchen ingredients. I want you to arrange them in any order you choose. It could be a poem or a secret formula. I don't know…oh yes! A secret formula. Good, let's do that.
Spongebob: Um, you're making me nervous.
Plankton: Oh, o.k. (Walks to and sits on his chair) I'll be over here, then.
Spongebob: I'm finished! (Plankton gets up and walks to SpongeBob.) I've arranged them into a piano. (The piano falls on Plankton.)
Plankton: Since your mind has been resistant to every mental technique so far, I'm forced to resort to my most powerful method of curing you.
Spongebob: Fiber?
Plankton: No, hypnosis.
Spongebob: Hypnosis?!
Plankton: (holds a ticking watch in front of him) Now, keep your eyes on this watch. When I count to three, you will fall into a deep sleep. One...uh, two...uh, three. (SpongeBob falls asleep) I can't believe it worked. Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awake and tell me the formula. (Snaps fingers, but he does not wake up. He snaps a couple more times.) Hey, wake up! (He clashes cymbals, blows a trumpet and beats on drums.) Hmm, what else is loud and obnoxious? (He holds a ringing cell phone up to his ear, but that does not work) Why won't you wake up?! (We peer into SpongeBob's dream. In it he is chasing jellyfish, but then gets caught in a fishnet by a huge Krabby Patty, who then eats him. Inside the Krabby Patty, SpongeBob looks around in the dark.)
Spongebob: Where am I?
(Lights turn on and he is lying in his bed in his home. The door to his room opens and a huge Krabby Patty walks in.)
Krabby Patty: Hey, SpongeBob. I heard your brain was sick, so I brought you this cookie pizza. (Hands SpongeBob a cookie pizza)
Spongebob: Gee, thanks!
Krabby Patty: And here's some chocolate milk. (Hands SpongeBob a glass of chocolate milk)
Spongebob: The king of flavored dairy drinks! (He drinks it) Oh, Krabby Patty, I'm so glad we're friends again.
Krabby Patty: Just remember, SpongeBob, I'll always be with you right here (points to a part of SpongeBob's stomach).
Spongebob: In my heart?
Krabby Patty: Actually, in your arteries. Now, do me a favor and wake up. Wake up.
Plankton: (In real life, shouting into a loudspeaker) Wake up!
Spongebob: (wakes up, yawning) It worked! I'm cured!
Plankton: But what about the formula.
Spongebob: Oh, you're right! I'd better get back to work! (SpongeBob runs away, towards the Krusty Krab) Thanks for everything, doc!
Plankton: (yelling) No! It's a lie! Therapy doesn't really work. You're still sick! Very, very sick!
(Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is flipping burgers normally)
Mr Krabs: Good to see you're brain's all fixed, boy.
Spongebob: Yeah, I just needed some sleep, is all.
Mr Krabs: Well, I can safely say, "No more twenty-four hour shifts", because twenty-three hours will be plenty (Laughs. SpongeBob then starts laughing). No, seriously. Get back to work!

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