SquidBob TentaclePants - Spongebob Squarepants Transcripts
Written by: Zeus Cervas, Erik Wiese & Steven Banks
(Squidward has blonde hair and is playing the clarinet while the crowd is cheering for him)
Audience Member: Squidward, we love you!
Audience Member #2: I love you, Squidward. You're my favorite! (Squidward laughs as he does a crowd surf. Just then his alarm goes off and wakes him up)
Squidward: Alright, alright. Time for another hideous day at work. Ahh, just hang in there gorgeous. (plays a few notes on his clarinet) You're star will shine at the clartinet recital tomorrow. (laughs)
Spongebob: Time for another glorious day at work. (winks at his tie) Good morning, Squidward! (walks down the street with Squidward) And isn't it a lovely morning? Why are you playing the clarinet on your way to work?
Squidward: I'm practicing for my clarinet recital. Soon, all of Bikini Bottom will recognize the talent that is Squidward Tentacles. Goodbye, Spongeboob.
Spongebob: See ya at the Krusty Krab, Squidward. Hey, Sandy, what's this?
Sandy: Well, this here is my new matter transporter. It can move things from one place to another in the blink of an eye.
Spongebob: Ooh, that sounds fancy.
Sandy: Let me show you how it works. (puts an apple in the transporter)
Spongebob: Whoa! (apple disappears) Where'd it go?
Sandy: Just where you think it would be. (apple appears on Ms Puff's desk)
Spongebob: Uh-oh, I'm late for work. Do you think your machine can zap me over to the Krusty Krab?
Sandy: I always did want to try a critter. Sure, why not? Get in there Spongebob.
Sandy: Hold on tight.
Spongebob: (transporter starts) Gee, Sandy, this sure feels...
Squidward: (walking up to the Krusty Krab) Well, here we go again. (as he reaches for the door, Spongebob appears and Squidwards arm is attached through Spongebobs body)
Spongebob: Hey Squidward! (laughs. Sandys remote is going hay-wire)
Sandy: What's going on with this thing? (Spongebob & Squidward get transported back to Sandys machine) What in tarnation? (gasps. Spongebob & Squidward are mutated into one body)
Spongebob: Hi Sandy.
Squidward: I'm not sure what it is but I something seems different about me.
Spongebob: Yeah, me too.
Squidward: Hey, what are you doing with my hand. What am I doing with your hand? Ahh! What is this? We're all mixed up together. (tries to de-attach himself) This is horrible. I have my clarinet recital tomorrow.
Spongebob: Oh, it's not so bad, Squidward. Now we can be best buddies and do everything together. Forever.
Squidward: (screams) Sandy, was this your doing? You've got to get us seperated.
Sandy: Well, I wish I knew how.
Squidward: Well, you have to do something. I can't stay stuck to him.
Sandy: Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I tried zapping you back in the transporter.
Squidward: Uhh, yeah good idea.
Sandy: Well, here goes nothing. (transports to Bikini Bottom Elementary)
Teacher: All right, children. Today's Timmy's birthday. You know what that means. Ready Timmy? (opens present. Spongebob & Squidward rise up from the box mutated together. Everyone screams as Spongebob & Squidward get transported again)
Doctor: congratulations Mrs Smith. You gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
Mrs Smith: May I see my baby?
Doctor: Of course. (baby appears as Spongebob & Squidward mutated into one body again. Everyone screams as they are transported again)
One-Eyed Monster: I've been in love with you ever since I laid my eye on you. (both monsters kiss. Spongebob & Squidward appear between them) Hey baby, what's your name? (Spongebob & Squidward get transported again. The lady monster slaps the one-eyed monster)
Squidward: It's no use, Sandy. We're still the same.
Sandy: Well, that's a darn shame. You know what, I was working on the blueprints for a new invention. But it's still in the embryonic stage.
Squidward: Try anything! I cannot go to my clarinet recital like this.
Sandy: I'll continue working on it. In the meantime, you boys keep your head up.
Spongebob: Together forever.
Squidward: Misery. (later, Spongebob & Squidward are riding a bike to work) Spongebob, hasn't anyone taught you how to ride a bike.
Spongebob: Don't worry, I'll drive.
Squidward: Ow, ow, ow. Spongebob! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. (both enter the Krusty Krab riding the bike. Crash into the boat and fly through the kitchen)
Customer #1: I gotta lay off the hot sauce.
Mr Krabs: (enters kitchen) What in blazes is going on in here?
Spongebob: Oh, hi Mr Krabs.
Mr Krabs: What are you two doing laying around? Get to work.
Squidward: If you say so. (as they stand up, Mr Krabs freaks out)
Mr Krabs: Egad. What happen to ya? Uhh, I don't want to know. Just go do your jobs.
Spongebob: Aye, aye cap'n.
Squidward: Do you have to be such an accomidating bafoon?
Spongebob: Squidward, everybody knows I'm a sponge. I look nothing like a balloon.
Squidward: I don't have time for this. I got a man the cash register. (stretches his head through the kitchen window) Whew. Can I help you?
Customer #2: Can I get two krabby patties, please?
Squidward: Spongebob, I need two krabby patties.
Spongebob: Two krabby patties coming right up. (notices the buns are out of reach) Can't...reach the buns.
Mr Krabs: Spongebob, what's the hold up?!
Spongebob: Sorry, Mr Krabs. I'm on it.
Mr Krabs: Time is money, boy.
Spongebob: Time is money. Right. (reaches bun) Hello bun. At last we meet. (Squidward can't hold the cash register. Head flies through the kitchen window, onto the grill and crashes into Spongebob)
Mr Krabs: Alright, that's it. I can't afford ye jeopardizing me business. You're more trouble than you're worth. (pushes them out the restaurant) And don't come back until you get this problem sorted out.
Spongebob: Look on the bright side, Squidward. At least we still have each other.
Squidward: That's how we got into this predicament in the first place, you imbecil. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like a moment of peace. (plays clarinet as they walk past a surfer)
Surfer: Whoa, rock on freaky bro!
Squidward: Sandy! Sandy! Please tell me you've figured out a way to seperate us.
Sandy: Say hello to the 'molecular seperator ray'.
Squidward: Hello melocular seperator ray. Well, let's get on with it. My clarinet recital is tomorrow night.
Sandy: Uhh, well, I'm not quite done with it yet.
Squidward: How'd you say?
Sandy: I'm still putting it together. At best I'll have it ready, uhh, day after tomorrow?
Squidward: What? Day after tomorrow?! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have a performance tomorrow! I can't be stuck to that yellow freak. (Spongebob smiles) Sandy, please, you've got to do it before the show.
Sandy: Well, uhh, I suppose...I'll have it ready before you go on. (Squidward & Spongebob stretch through their front door but can't walk much further so their houses collide together)
Squidward: Of course. (at clarinet recital) Oh, my. (not an empty seat in the house) Where are you Sandy? Sandy? I can't do it. I can't go out there.
Spongebob: Squidward, this is your moment. The story you will tell when you look back as a...superstar.
Spongebob: Now go out there and give them the best darn show they've ever seen.
Squidward: You're right. The show must go on.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlefish, Bikini Bottom's Community Rec Center is proud to present: Squidward Tentacles. (curtain rises to Squidward wearing a big cape like clothing. Squidward starts playing and everyone begins to hate it)
Fish: Honey, I'm scared. (Squidward still playing, the cape comes off as a nail tears it. Crowd gasps)
Spongebob: Uhh, hi.
Fish #2: Whoa. Rock on freaky bro! Yeah. Whoo! (crowd cheers)
Spongebob: Wow, they really liked it.
Mr Krabs: (laughing) There you go, Squiddy.
Squidward: They...they...they're cheering. Superstardom. This must be what it feels like. this must be what it looks like. What it sounds like. And... (smells the air) ...what it smells like. Oh, simply intoxicating.
Sandy: Whoo-wee, there you boys are. Looks like I'm just in time.
Spongebob & Squidward: Sandy?
Sandy: One blast of this molecular seperator ray and you'll be seperated for good. (blasts the ray at Squidward & Spongebob and seperates them. Crowd gasps)
Squidward: Hmph. (plays clarinet & crowd hates it)
Elderly Fish: I think I'm going to be sick. (Squidward blows his clarinet at an audience member which blows his skin off and shows his skeleton)
Fish #3: Ah, I'm out of here.
Squdiward: Huh, no wait. Wait! (everyone leaves) Oh, my one moment of fame...gone. (grabs the seperator ray) There's got to be some ray to reverse this. (pushes buttons)
Sandy: No, Squidward! That's a very sensitive device. (laser blasts)
Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem, Mr Tentacles.
Squidward: It all started when I was born. (camera zooms out to show all the main characters joined together)