Thy Flesh Consumed

So I listened to ‘Twitterpated’ for the first time in months tonight.

It absolutely ripped my guts out.

I have some stuff to say soon, so stay tuned.

M’kay, so I was wrong - Amy and Steven got back together, like, a week after they split up. The pair of bloody idiots…

Anyway, more about me. Jess and I split up, which sucks, but right now I think it was the best thing to do. Both of us need other things that neither of us can get from a relationship in which both parties live on opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll work out in the end… Time will tell.

In other news: I hate my fucking job. My boss is being an utter assbag and every day I get a little closer to having the talk of men with him. Specifically, angry men… If I don’t give him a dry slap, someone else will. Only difference is, I don’t care about losing my job right now.

I’ve had a birthday, which I neglected to mention before. Yes, I’m now 24. Am I any wiser? No, not really. I’m just more disenchanted with life, I think. Things are annoying me rather more than they should. I hate that.

I found a wonderful new webcomic last night, called The Scary Go Round, and it had me entranced for hours. Fun stuff. I also stumbled across a completely random online journal of a remarkably interesting woman named Rachel Rutherford. I have no idea who she is, but she writes beautifully. I’ll be keeping an eye on that one…

I have started playing EVE Online again. That game is so addictive it’s infuriating. Not that I’m complaining, you understand - it serves as a welcome distraction. I’ve also managed to drag a few of my fellow OTFers into the fray, which is amusing. They have two weeks in which to sample all the goodness of the EVE universe before deciding whether or not to stay on and pay the monthly subscription. I certainly hope so, it’d be nice to have a little company while floating around in the vacuuous nothing that is deep space.

Evil Badnasty is still up and running, for those of you interested. Do stop by, it’s nice to see some new, and indeed old, faces coming through.

Well, I think that’s about it for another few days. I’ll try to make my updates a little more regularly now I’ve got something vaguely resembling a grip on my life and emotions, but I wouldn’t hold my breath, if I were you…

Adios, mi amigos.

Amy and Steven split up again yesterday; this time, I think it’ll be a permanent arrangement.

I’m really not at all sorry.

Amy told me on Monday night to “stop reading yesterday’s newspaper…” *l* Bless her, she has a wise head on her shoulders for someone so young.

I’ve decided that I need to come to terms with a few things. It’s taken me this long to get my head out of the clouds and realise that there’s much more at stake than the happiness of two people…

You see, life isn’t a fairytale, no matter how I like to paint that image in my mind. I’m not trying to convince you that I’ve learned to exersise a little common sense, because I’m not, but I have learned that you can’t ignore the more pressing matters in life.

I know that sometime, in the not-too-distant future, everything really will be okay, just like I’ve been telling myself since November, but I also know that I can’t go through the next 9 months completely ignoring the issues and problems banging on my door every day. They wont go away. The sooner I face up to my responsibilities as an adult, the better it’ll be for me and for everyone else.

I’m really not happy right now, hence this post *l* though I’m sure you’ve already noticed that I only ever use this thing when I’m feeling down. I guess it serves as a sounding board; a friendly ear perhaps… Anyway, I digress.

I guess what’s bothering me the most right now is Jess, or rather, the current situation with Jess. I’m as dedicated as I ever was to our ‘cause’ and nothing’s going to change that, but it’s rapidly becoming more of a challenge than I’m able to handle. I shan’t give up, oh no, but I will have to adjust the way I’m approaching these little ‘problems’… The first of which is a discussion in which she and I have yet to engage. Some of you know what it’s about, most of you don’t; frankly, I couldn’t care less right now. Fact is, it needs addressing… Pronto. After that, I’m sure I’ll feel a whole lot better about everything. Probably. We desperately need to spend more time talking to one another *l* the fact that we barely talk online any more, much less on the phone, tears me apart. I miss her so much sometimes it hurts… It’s getting to the stage where I actively try to forget and block things out, just so I don’t have to deal with the hurt. Now I’m starting to realise that if I keep it up, I will end up forgetting, and I can’t let that happen. I’m listening to her CD now, in fact, which is something I couldn’t bring myself to do a little over a week ago. It’s a step in the right direction… There’s this little maxim I read somwhere that seems to make it all a little easier: ‘Don’t cry because it’s over - smile because it happened…’ it’s so simple, yet so profound *l* Aaaaanyway, I’m tired of bemoaning the state of my life right now, so I’ll stop. Kinda…

I have killer toothache. It hurts, man, it really hurts. Damn stupid wisdom tooth. What’s so wise about it anyway? Pfft…

Hrm, what else has been happening lately? Oh, I had to build a new computer because my old rig decided to die on me. That was £450 up the spout. Ho hum…

In other news: Charlotte’s broken up with Colin and saw fit to call me, drunk, and tell me. She also told me that she’ll be persuing a life of sin and debauchery for a short while. Perhaps I should lock my doors at night… Also, my chatroom is finally up and running! Huzzah! However, I feel obliged to tell you that this project is primarily for the benefit of Jess and I *l* we can use the place to chat - in private, if needs be - without her needing to venture into OTF, which she still seems loathed to do, for some reason… So yeah, the place is open for business. Feel free to check it out.

Right, I’ve prattled on for long enough now. I’ll have something vaguely interesting to say over the coming weeks, and if not, I’ll bore you with some more poetry or somesuch.

Adieu.

Did you ever get the feeling you didn’t belong somewhere, even when you’ve spent your whole life living there? Like, you went away and came back again, only to find that you’re missing something? Yeah, that’s how I feel right now…

As most of you are probably aware, I’ve just come back from what can only be described as the best damn time of my life. I’m not just talking about one of those really good holidays that you hear about from friends, but never actually seem to have yourself - I’m talking about a week spent in Heaven. Arcadia, California - home to this young lady:

Her name is Jessica, and she’s aaaaaaall mine.

In the weeks leading up to this trip, I had almost convinced myself not to go. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was scared; see, it’s not easy meeting someone you love for the first time, no matter how often you tell yourself, “It’ll be alright…". This was further compounded by the fact that Jess was under explicit instructions from “someone” to tell her parents. Honestly, I was a little annoyed at first that she’d put herself in such a position where everything could quite easily go very, very wrong for us.

Nevertheless, she told them and, in a drastic break from tradition, they actually allowed us to see each other and even went so far as to take me to dinner. More on that later…

Anyway, the long and short of it is that we weren’t allowed to see each other outside of their supervision and even then we weren’t allowed to touch each other. It really was a bizarre arrangement, and made me wonder how couples cope during prison visits. Naturally this resulted in us sneaking quick kisses and such behind the parental units’ collective backs. It was humourous, if not a little trying at times. Honestly, I felt like a teenager again, and I’m glad to say that it didn’t bother me in the slightest. It felt altogether more naughty and mischievous - as did the meetings we set up that her parents didn’t know about… So, here’s how the fairytale turned out, day by day:

Due to a severe breach of security, the contents of this post have been designated ‘Classified’.

Well, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, I’m back. I had originally intended to sit down a couple of weeks ago and twitter away quite happily about the happenings over the last month or so, but somehow I just couldn’t manage it. I had so much to say, too… Ah well, I’ve forgotten most of it now.

It’s been a curious couple of weeks, not least because I’m actually starting to enjoy my job again. I can’t be certain, but I think it might have something to do with Paul being off sick this week, which means I get to go out on all the construction jobs with Pip (Piper), rather than being stuck in the workshop all day. It’s been fun, which is odd, considering the fact that Pip oozes negativity. Seriously, he strangles bits of wood that don’t quite fit and shouts at hammers if he misses his target. It’s funny to watch, but you know how it is when you spend a lot of time with angry people - it just brings the whole mood down, so by the time we get back from putting a building up or somesuch, we’re both incredibly snappy and just “Grrrrr…” However, just lately I think we’re starting to work better together, which in turn puts Pip - who’s actually quite a nice bloke, really - in a better mood. He really made me chuckle the other day while we were out putting a summer house up for someone. “Crazy full of beans lady” he called her; she brought us some tea and biscuits out and I couldn’t stop laughing the whole time. She just stood there and looked at me as if I’d gone barmy. She was a lovely woman, mind you - probably mid-40s, very polite and just full of energy, and she was utterly delighted with the building once it was finished. That’s one of the perks of the job, really, when you see someone really happy with what we’ve just spend two hours putting up. It makes a change to see someone truly grateful, and her tea was marvellous! Of course, you also get your miserable, stuck-up, rich folk who expect you to just do the job and bugger off. I hate that…

There’s something else that’s been bothering me these last couple of days, too - America. Now, before you go off all half-cocked and assume that I’m anti-American, just hear me out. What I’m referring to is the big property developers down here in Cornwall. See, they seem to be moving closer and closer to the American ideal of suburban life, with perfect houses and pefect cars and pefect families, all going about their perfect business. We went out on a job yesterday where we had to put up 7 sheds in a new development in Truro, and honestly, it was like stepping onto the set of Edward Scissorhands or something. I half expected some woman (that everyone knows, of course) to come wandering down the street and shout “Avon calling!” Row upon row of boxy, pre-fabricated houses just popping up all over the place. It really is quite frightening to think of what our country is turning into. Gone are the days of mock-Tudor houses and quaint little villages, more and more I see developments for “affordable housing” which basically means “trying to cram as many people into as small a space as possible.” I don’t like it. I don’t like it one little bit. Anyway, enough of that…

On a random note; have you ever wondered why it’s more socially acceptable to “borrow” someone’s pen and not give it back than it is to steal someone’s money, even though the lesser of the two crimes is a hundred times more inconvenient? I just hate dipping into my pocket for a pen, my pen, only to find that the last person to borrow it has conveniently forgotten to give it back. £20 notes aren’t nearly as useful as a pen when you need to make a note of something important, let me tell you… Sorry, rant over.

45 DAYS!!! Yah, I just felt the need to shout that… 45 days until I hop on a plane and drag my sorry ass off to California. I can’t wait, seriously. At first I had some doubts and almost, almost managed to talk myself out of going, but in the end, I decided to just go for it; after all, this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I’m kinda hoping it’s not, but it could be. I think the main thing that was bothering me was not so much going, but rather leaving. It’s hard enough just hanging up the phone after speaking to Jess, much less getting on a bloody plane and flying home. Whatever happens, quite a few things in my life right now kinda depend on the outcome of this trip, so I’ll just sit back and try not to let it bother me for now, safe in the knowledge that soon enough I’ll be there in the November rain, having the time of my life.

Well, it’s almost time for me to stop boring you senseless and get back to some serious work, but before I do, there was something else I think I should mention… 6 years ago, a week after I turned 17, I decided to take my parents up on the offer to move out to Kos, Greece with them. I quit college (after a year of doing pretty much nothing at all anyway), packed as much stuff as I could in the van and set off for pastures new. While I was there, I met a wonderful young lady by the name of Rachel and we became very close friends. She was staying for the summer with a Greek family I knew quite well - as she apparently did every year - and in whos’ cafe I spent most of my free time, and so we got to spend a great deal of time together. Her age and her host family’s attitude towards relationships prevented it becoming anything more serious than just a very close friendship, but we were almost a couple nonetheless, if that makes sense? Anyway, she went home at the end of the summer and we remained in contact for a while, until circumstances dictated that I moved back to Blighty - more details on that some other time, perhaps… Anyway, shortly after the move we sort of lost contact, or rather, I stopped writing to her, and that was pretty much the end of that. Quite a few times over the following 6 years I tried to bring myself to write to her, perhaps to offer some sort of explanation, or more likely, to ease my conscience, but as you may have guessed by now, I didn’t. Maybe it was borne out of shame, possibly cowardice, but either way, the letter was not forthcoming. I guess I kind of assumed she hated me and didn’t want to hear from me… But I digress. Last night, I was sitting here, minding my own business and checking my emails when lo’ and behold, what should plop into my inbox? An email from Friends Reunited telling me that Rachel wishes to contact me and that I should click such and such a link to get the message. Well, I did. And you know what? She doesn’t hate me. far from it, in fact - she we very polite and talked of how lucky she was to have known me and other such pleasantries. Well, to say I’m shocked is something of an understatement. Anyway, I’ve replied and filled her in on the last 6 years, so I guess now I just wait and see what she sends back…

Yeah, so that’s it, really. The end of another loooooong and incredibly boring part of my life, I hope you enjoyed it.

Thought for the day: Watch your back - the past creeps upon you when you least expect it.

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I’m really not sure why I came here to write now. Sadly my inspiration has deserted me of late and I seem to end up writing random, meaningless crap. Still, here I am again anyways…

I went shopping on Saturday and decided to pamper myself a bit - haircut, clothes, the whole nine yards. I don’t think I know why, but it might have something to do with how low I’ve been feeling lately. I guess I just needed cheering up a little. Oh yeah, and now I’m blonde again…

Anyways, having spent an hour in Newquay getting more and more irate at the hoardes of holidaymakers packed into the town’s narrow streets, I decided to come home again. It was a nice train journey back that lasted a little under an hour. Once you get out of the built up area and into the countryside again, it really is a sight to behold - especially running along the base of the Luxulyan Valley, flanked by lush greenery and tiny cottages tucked away in the undergrowth. So pretty…

Uh, I digress. After I got off the train I decided I’d take my time walking back. It was a nice day and I was in no real rush, so I just wandered aimlessly, following the longest route I could without having to think too hard about where I was going. Soon enough, I found myself sitting on a bench in the park overlooking the duck pond. It was quiet, nobody around save for a small family minding their own business some 300 yards away and the ducks, scouring the surface of the pond for a tasty bite to eat. Sadly for them, nothing was forthcoming - I’m not in the habit of carrying food around with me, and I think the family was too interested in making the most of the late afternoon sun to worry about where the ducks would be getting their next meal from… I took a moment to regard my company - the ducks, seemingly oblivious to their surroundings, happy as can be and the family, safe in their ‘unit’, and it was just then that I had the oddest sense of not belonging. I honestly felt like I had no right being there, in such a beautiful place, without someone to enjoy the experience with me. I somehow felt like I was in the wrong for wanting to enjoy something on my own, without the pressures of worrying about how someone else is feeling. Most curious, and quite disturbing.

So I moved on…

My path took me over the railway bridge and along a narrow gravel track named “Rundle’s Walk", which ran parallel to the railway line and next to that, a river. I wondered to myself who the little boy was that unwittingly made his way onto the lines and was killed by an oncoming train. I have no way of knowing this is what happened, of course, it’s merely speculation, but oftentimes paths and roads are named after someone whom a terrible accident has befallen. So I wondered who the boy called ‘Rundle’ was… A morbid thought, I know. Oddly enough, I was reminded of perhaps one of the greatest films of all time - “Stand By Me", about a group of friends.. Ah, if you know the film, you know the story. I shan’t bore you with it now. Anyway, soon enough I was home, my journey over and I was left to contemplate the day’s events. This was the result.

Speaking of results, look at me!

Anyways, I shall sign off now; it’s late and before long I’ll start rambling about the follies of youth and trying to put the world to rights from in front of my PC. Before I go, though, someone asked to get a mention in here, so Kim, if you’re reading this, HI!

Thought for the day: If you’re missing someone, think of them, they always appear when you need them…

Howdy folks! Er, this isn’t gonna be a real long post, I just thought I’d check in and let you know what’s going on…

First of all, and probably most notably, I took a trip to the tattoo studio on Satuday and decided I’d get another hole put in me -

It hurts. Not much, but enough to bother me… So, I’ve been in a bad mood for the last couple of days. Nice.

Hrm, what else? Oh yeah, we finally got enough members in our Battlefield Vietnam clan to be able to participate in the EMGL ladder. Woohoo! It’s been several months in the making, but we’re finally in a position to make a name for ourselves. Now all I need is a little more time to commit to it…

Uh, OTF’s 7th Anniversary celebrations are well underway, and I was voted biggest ladies’ man, which was nice… And last month I finally made CL5 and they took me off monitor status, so I’m no longer a junior troublemaker. Phooey!

I’ve decided I hate my new job. That is all.

I’ve also decided that I’m going to save some money and go visit my darling Jess in California in November. I’m not really sure what made me decide, but I am. We’ve been growing a lot closer these last few weeks and the more I think about her, the more I want to meet her. So I am! I’m hoping to get out there for around the 11th, so I’ve got a bit of time to save. Here’s hoping, though!

Aaaaaand, I think that’s just about it. I’m completely devoid of interesting conversation right now, so I’m just gonna scoot off again. Tata!

Thought for the day: The age of consent in California is 18, please bear that in mind when travelling. Have a nice day…

I was at work yesterday when a song came on the radio that I hadn’t heard in a long time - Hey Jude, by The Beatles. It brought back some fond memories…

It was a quiet night by our standards, and the four of us had just spent a pleasant evening on the lawn outside my caravan - we were celebrating Steven’s birthday. Time had slipped by so quickly, we barely even noticed that the sun was starting to come up. There was I, curled up in bed with Charlotte wrapped around me; she looked so peacuful, so happy, and Amy behind me, softly singing in my ear to the Beatles album that was playing in the background. Steven, not one to miss out on a few minutes’ sleep, was dozing at the end of the bed. Not really with us, as such, but still very much part of the group. As we lay there in each others’ arms, quiety enjoying the sensation of familiar flesh, I found myself thinking, “is it really possible to be this happy?” At the time, I didn’t think so. All I could see was where it all started to go wrong; fixed in my mind like a bad omen… But looking back at those few hours, I can see I was happy. Really, truly happy.

We were great friends, the four of us, inseparable by anything but the most dire of circumstances. We spent almost every waking moment together, out partying, or just staying in and enjoying one another’s company. Of course, that’s all gone now. We’re still friends, but it’s not the same. Steven and Amy are no longer together; in fact, they were the first of the four to go their separate ways, Charlotte and I soon to follow. I still see Steven occasionally, and Charlotte nowhere near as often as I’d like. Amy is slowly fading into a distant memory… But see, that’s the thing - memories. No matter how much time passes, I’ll always have that. Friendships are destined to disappear into the mists of time, but as long as you never forget, you’ll always have that little piece to carry around in your heart.

I don’t think it’ll be the last time we four come together again, in a happy reunion, and I know it’ll be like we were never apart. The shyness all stripped away, our emotions laid bare. We know each other better than we know ourselves, and I’m grateful for the time we spent together, developing a bond that I know will never be broken, not even by the thousands of miles that separate us. In the end, distance is relative - it’s how close you feel in your heart that really counts.

Thought for the day: Charlotte, Steven, Amy, if you ever read this, know that you’ll always be in my heart, no matter what.

Well, here I am again, after another couple of weeks of not updating this damn thing… To be honest, I really can’t be bothered right now, but I think I owe it to myself and my adoring public to fill you in on what’s been happening lately.

Most notably, Margie and I have split up, yet again. This time it’s for good, though - I’m done going over the same ground with that girl over and over again. We work opposite shifts, both lack the means of travelling to see one another since I moved and quite frankly, I think it was stupid for us to get back together again in the first place. Sure, it was fine to start with; we had a lovely time. After I moved, though, it became damn near impossible to maintain any semblance of a stable relationship. So, that’s that down the pan. Probably just as well, really, considering how much I’ve been thinking about Charlotte again lately…

Hrrrr, what next..? Uhm… Ah! Work! I have a new job now! I’m working for a company called “Just Fir", who makes sheds, fences, gazebos, all your usual wooden garden stuff. It’s tiring work, but satisfying knowing I’ve actually done something in the day, rather than sitting on my ass. And of course, there’s the added bonus of actually earning a wage… Quite a nice one, too, I might add. I don’t plan on staying there, but it makes for a good stopgap while I look for something more suitable. The only problems being the fact that I’m used to a late shift, having worked 1400-2200 for the last 2 years, so getting up in the mornings is still something of a chore, even after two weeks, and that my hands are slowly getting less and less useful for delicate tasks and more geared towards heavier labour. Not good, considering I rely on my hands to do the job that I hope to end up doing; namely PC maintenance. Still, needs must and all that…

Oooh, incidentally, there’s news from my other great passion in life, Outpost 10 Forward: The Senior Manager of the department I work for, The Guilds, has made me Second Assistant Manager. Basically, that means that apart from my usual duties as Team Leader for the Artists’ Guild, I’m also partly responsible for the smooth running of the rest of the Guilds. Will this aid me in my endevours to get to CL5 sometime this century? Probably not, but here’s hoping…

Well, I think that’s just about it for now. I’ll probably be back sometime in the next day or so to babble on about Charlotte for a little while, and maybe add another poem that I’ve yet to write about her, but until then, I’d like to leave you with this delightful image of Lady Beckinsale:

Thought for the day: Feeling a little sad? Look at Kate, she’ll brighten up your day…

Nothing really to report, I just thought I’d explain this monstrosity:

It’s the result of a bit of a session in Photoshop one day. The technique’s called rotoscoping, and if you’d like to give it a try, you can find detailed instructions here.

Anyhoo, that’s about it for now. Tata peeplies!

Well, folks, here it is. Finally… I know it’s been months since the last time I posted here but so much has been going on in my life lately that I simply haven’t had time; that said, there’s far too much to put here without boring you to death, so I’ll just give you a brief synopsis.

A few months ago, when I thought everything was going reasonably well with Margie, I happened to bump into Charlotte in the pub. After sitting and talking with her for a while, we came to the conclusion that we’re both miserable without each other and it’d probably be best if we got back together. So, after much debating (and also much beer) we decided to give it another go. Or so I thought… The next day, I called her up and she was kind enough to inform me that we were both being silly and that we knew it would never be the same and we’d be hurting too many people if we went ahead. Now, bear in mind that the night before, she was suggesting that we got married, as we’d planned last year. By this point, I’d already split up with Margie who, by all accounts, already knew it was coming. See, Charlotte’s always been something of a bone of contention between Margie and I, and the increasing number of arguments about said ex-girlfriend were becoming tiresome. She knew it, I knew it and I’m pretty sure everyone else knew it, including our mutual friend, Jon. Anyway, the long and short of it is this - I’d just ditched my girlfriend in favour of someone who has a history of screwing me around, and, once again, I’d come off worse.

Sweet.

Despite what had happened, Margie and I remained friends and continued to spend time together, going to the pub, the usual stuff. The more time we spent together, the more she pestered me into going back out with her again. I, of course, said no every single time, simply because I was (and most likely am) still in love with Charlotte and it simply wouldn’t be fair on Margie if I was to see her while still having feelings for my ex. However, this didn’t put her off one little bit. And so, in the end, I gave in. After all, we had been getting on famously and it was almost like we’d never been apart. I don’t think I made a conscious decision to start seeing her again - it just kind of happened, as it so often does with her. We’d spent so much time together it was almost impossible to avoid and so, one day we ended up in bed together. That was it; I’d sealed my fate, yet again!

We’d been seeing each other for a few weeks and everything was going fine when the three of us (us being Margie, the ever-present Jon, and myself) received a letter each regarding Margie’s court appearance. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but we were involved in a car accident with a pedestrian and a lamppost, but that’s neither here nor there… Anyway, she attended the hearing and the court ruled that she be banned from driving for a short time (I forget exactly how long) and fined her several hundred quid. Wonderful. The increased tension of her not being able to get around without asking someone or other for a lift actually brought us closer together somehow, presumably because I was there to offer her comfort in her time of need, and I actually thought that this (the third) time would actually be different, that we’d actually stay together. Unfortunately, more was to come…

Now for a demonstration of the complete incompetence I’m capable of displaying: A little over a month ago, I decided that I didn’t like my job any more so, in a fit of anger, I walked out. Right in the middle of a shift. “That’s not so bad” you might say, however, I was struggling to keep up with my rent/loan/bill payments already and this really made it a whole lot worse. As a result, I’ve had to abandon my beautiful 2 bedroom, semi-detached house on the “Prestigious Retreat Court Development” and move back in with my parents. Man, what a step back; I haven’t lived at home for 7 years! Anyways, I now live in a small, single room with my computer stacked upon a chest of drawers and everything I could fit in a car scattered about the place. Everything else I own is currently residing in Margie’s garage, which, I might add, has no damn padlock on it! We’ll just see how long it takes for all of my stuff to go missing, especially with all the bloody pikeys that live around there…

I am writing this in Notepad so I can burn it to a CD and transfer it to my father’s computer in the other room for uploading, because, as some of you may be aware, I’m still waiting for the buffoons at Wanadoo to enable my ADSL line again. In the meantime, I’m stuck with the occasional use of daddy’s little toy - which, incidentally, I had to clean up and completely purge of the porn he’d been looking at and was clogging up his bloody machine - and his poxy 56k dial-up connection. Joy… Seriously, how I ever got by without broadband before is beyond me; it’s almost painful to watch how slowly the pages load.

Anyway, back to me and my women… Last night, after much debating about what to do on her week off, Margie decided that we should get together and go for a drink, seeing as how we now live too far apart to simply meet up after work, (her work, not mine - I’m still unemployed) which we did. After what seemed like an age of silence, she’d finally had enough to drink to spark up a halfway decent conversation, and so we got chatting. Not about anything in particular, just stuff, but somehow we got onto the subject of fat people and how much a problem she has with them, particularly my very dear friend, Sam. Margie hates her. I guess I can see her point of view, I mean, Sam’s in love with me and has been for quite some time now, but that’s just compounded by that fact that Sam is a little overweight. Anyway, Margie proceeded to slag Sam off, right to my face, and couldn’t understand why I was getting so upset about it. Now, don’t get me wrong here, she’s entitled to her opinion, I’d just rather she didn’t share it with me – if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s having people slam my friends and expect me to sit there and just take it… And so, Margie and I are, once again, in that curious state of purgatory; neither happy with the situation, nor willing to do anything to rectify it.

If I’ve learnt anything over the last day or so, it’s that Margie is shallow and intolerant of anyone that she views as different from herself, and I find myself asking whether I can truly love someone that can’t accept my friends for who they are, rather than what they look like. She also needs to get her head around the fact that I have many female friends and the law of averages states that sooner or later, one of them is going to develop a crush on me. How will she deal with it when someone closer to her starts to have feelings for me? Will she treat them with the same disrespect that she extends to my friends?

Once again, I find myself in a relationship that’s teetering on the edge of failure, and it’s with the same girl.

Thought for the day: If at first you don’t succeed, give up.

So much has happened in the three weeks since my last post that I don’t want to talk about.

Today I cried for the first time since she left, I mean really cried.

It’s been nine months. 

Well, good day to you again, fine people. Welcome to Dave V.23! Yes, that’s right folks, my birthday has been and gone again… Sunday, it was. Marvellous. Actually, it wasn’t all that bad ~ Margie and I went over to Jon’s place and had a barbeque and plenty beer, which was nice. I then came home for a bit, carpet bombed some VC in Battlefield Vietnam and went to the pub for an hour. Happy Days!

This week has seen a momentous change in the status of my relationship with Margie. Namely that we split up a few days ago… I mean, we’re back together again now, but we still split up. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth on her part, but after some intense negotiations, we’re all good again. Y’see, the problem was this ~ I really enjoy my “me time” and have been having rather a lot of it lately, much to madam’s dismay. I just needed a bit of space to gather my thoughts and she didn’t like how casual the relationship was feeling, so now we’ve stepped it up a notch again… While this is perfectly acceptable, I can’t help worrying that this whole thing is gonna go the same way it did last time ~ down he pan. Still, I’m willing to give it a try. Things can only get better, right..?

Oooh, on another positive note, my sister, Tracey, had her operation on Thursday, as scheduled, and everything went according to plan. Now she’s just sitting on her ass at home trying to recuperate. Thankully, Jason, her husband, is being an absolute angel so she’s going to be able to recover without the hassles of everyday life getting in the way. Huzzah!

Well, I think that’s it for now people. Y’all have a good day/night/lifetime/whatever and I’ll see you in the next thrilling instalment of “A Day In The Life Of Dave"…

Thought for the day: Cheer up, it’s not that bad…

Hello! Sorry I haven’t updated in a while, it’s been a little hectic around here just lately… still, I’m back now.

Right, where to begin..? Well, things are finally coming together with Margie, which is something of a relief as I was starting to drive myself mad worrying about where this relationship was going. I love the girl to bits, and for the first time since we got together again, she told me she loved me too. Which is always nice. Although, having said that, we had a wee bit of a tiff last night ‘cause Charlotte (my ex) called at some ungodly hour, drunk, and wanting to speak to me. Normally, I don’t think this would be a problem, but given the circumstances under which Margie and I split up last time, I don’t blame her for not really trusting me… Still, hopefully that’s water under the bridge now.

Ugh, my sister goes into hospital on Wednesday to have a cyst the size of a golfball removed from one of her ovaries, which is somewhat disturbing. Naturally, the whole family’s a little concerned and we’re all gonna be rooting for her. I’m sure she’ll be fine, but, as you’ll no doubt learn in the coming weeks, I’m a bloody terrible worrier so I’ll probably be chewing my nails and rocking back and forth in a corner while I wait for her to come out of the hospital. I wouldn’t mind so much if government funded hospitals weren’t filled with such incompetent buffoons. In fact, I’m fairly sure that the “doctors” around here make their diagnosis by throwing chicken bones on the floor and reading the patterns…

Oh, on a lighter note, I may finally be getting the financial side of my life in order. Y’see, as I no longer have a housemate (and Margie’s a little wary of moving in with me again, for fairly obvious reasons) I can’t afford to keep this house on my own, so rather than giving it up and moving somewhere cheaper, I’m paying my rent and not really any other bills. Unfortunately, my creditors don’t look very favourably on this sort of behaviour and as a result, I now have several threats of legal action hanging over my head, yet again. Anyway, back to the good point ~ on Monday I have a meeting with a company willing to offer me some cash to keep myself afloat for a while! Great news for me, at least, it is until they ask for it back… Still, needs must an’ all that.

Right, I think I’ve rambled for long enough now so I’m gonna scoot off and lurk for a bit in Minas Tirith. Tata!

Thought for the day: If your girlfriend is the jealous type, don’t talk to exes…

Weeeeell, here we are again folks, another day in the life of nobody in particular. I awoke at 10:30 this morning to find myself on my sofa, which is unusual… the last thing I remember about last night was watching “Interview With The Vampire” while waiting for the resin cast for my teeth to set so I could use them again, one can only assume that I fell asleep while doing so. Naturally, I was a little surprised to find myself there…

I’m now sitting here in front of this thing, yet again, while lurking in Minas Tirith, the new chatroom at OTF. For those of you that don’t know, OTF, or Outpost Ten Forward, is an online community complete with various Guilds, departments and interactive chatrooms. Sometime in the next hour or two I shall be getting a vistit from a delightful young lady who goes by the name of Margie (I’ve mentioned her before in previous entries and shall no doubt be doing so again, many, many more times in the future) although I’m not holding out much hope of her actually turning up anywhere near that time as her timekeeping skills are practically non-existent. Instead, I’ll just go about my business as usually until she finally does turn up, after which time, we’ll probably just sit in front of the TV and watch some of the films I just “obtained". Unless, of course, she manages to persuade me to go to the pub for a couple of pints, which she probably will. She is quite possibly the most persuasive person I’ve ever met, I swear, she could talk the Devil into setting himself on fire… Anyway, more on her some other time.

Oooh, after weeks of misery, I finally managed to fix this infernal contraption! It’s taken hours of work through trial and error and talking to numerous people about it (all of whom were unable to offer any kind of help, despite touting themselves to be “professionals") but I finally did it, and you know what the culprit was? My bloody DVD-RW. Fancy that… So, after yanking it out and running the system for a few hours, I had established that this was the root of the problem. What to do? Well, I decided on trying a firmware update first (assuming I could get the machine stable for long enough to implement this plan, that is…) which I duly did, and lo and behold, it worked! No more random drive accessing or lockups, just pure computing bliss. Well, apart from the fact that a dodgy PSU is now making the damn thing switch off at random intervals. Another problem all together… O’ for data that has been lost to spontaneous shutdowns…

Anyway, I think I’ve bored you for long enough now so I shall resign myself to another hour or so of lurking at the Outpost, make another cup of tea and wait for the arduous task of encoding multiple .avi files into MPEG-2 format to complete itself…

Thought for the day: Don’t ever rely on someone else to solve your problems for you, they’re usually wrong…

Howdy doo folks, welcome to the second official entry. Excited? You shouldn’t be…

Well, here I sit on the fourth day of my holiday from work and, rather unsurprisingly, I’ve been sat in front of this wretched machine for pretty much the whole time. In fact, last night was the second night in a row that I’ve gone to bed at 06:00… Man, ’s no bloody wonder I’m so tired all the time.

Right now I’m chatting to Dawn, a lovely girl I met in OTF and writing this while I wait a) for the Outpost to come back online again after another server issue, brought about by the ISP that supplies OTF’s 10Mbit connection going bankrupt and b) for Geocities to release the lock they put on the Artists Guild staff folders to limit bandwidth so I can get on and do some bloody work… I dunno, we have some great staff but really, a little common sense goes a long way!

I had a pool match last night and we played the team from the pub next door to ours. Now, ordinarily we would have whooped their asses but last night, as many before, I actually played as bad as I’ve ever done… Man, I’ll be glad when the season’s finished this month. I know it’s only one day a week but I gotta tell ya, it’s a drain. Don’t ask me why, maybe I just enjoy my Sunday evenings too much to waste them in the pub..? That said though, I was still a little reluctant to leave the place in favour of coming home to enjoy the grand unvieling of Minas Tirith at 22:00. I guess I miss spending time with familiar faces ~ something I seem to be neglecting more and more often these days. I mean, I’ve always been rather introverted, but lately it’s gotten quite bad and I’m becoming more withdrawn from “civilized society” as the days wear on…

Still, I’m not that bothered ~ most people are assholes anyway!

Well, here it is folks, my very first blog entry. I can hardly contain my indifference. I suppose I should start by welcoming you all, but that would just be a cliché, right? So, instead, I shall ask you why exactly it is that you’re so interested in what I have to say. I am, after all, just another bloke. Comments on this are welcome and you may air your thoughts using the link just down there.

Okay, now that’s out of the way, I’ll get down to it…

Since this is the first ever entry, it makes no sense to tell you what’s happened before today ‘cause that would just prompt a load of questions involving the history of my tales and that can become awfully tiresome… Also, I may run into some continuity issues, and that’s best avoided if at all possible. Heaven knows I have enough trouble keeping track of my life as it is.

Right, so I got in this morning after a rather uninteresting evening last night having just stayed at a certain lady friend’s house (more on her later, I’m sure) and as ever, I’m faced with something of a quandry. I mean, I love the girl, don’t get me wrong, but after what I did to her last time, why is she even contemplating a relationship with me again? The mind boggles… Anyhoo, I sit here now wondering whether I’m doing the right thing by her, and myself, in this whole sorry situation. And then, of course, there’s always the whole “Charlotte Issue” the details of which will become apparent in due course…

Anyway, I’m now sitting in Outpost 10 Forward, as I so often do, enjoying the second official day of my week’s holiday and waiting for the aforementioned lady to come and get me so we can go out for a drink. Yay. And yet again, Jon, a good friend to all of us, is going to be there too. Now, it’s not that I don’t like the guy, I do, really, it’s just that I’d like to have a little time to myself with said young lady and enjoy the finer things in a stable relationship. Not that this relationship is by any means stable, you understand..? I digress. Now I shall be forced to endure his mindless chatter and idle musings in his familiar, and not particularly pleasing, Birmingham accent, which, by the way, is becoming increasingly difficult to understand…

And so, I’m going to leave you for a while and grit my teeth through another episode of “The Love Triangle". I’ll no doubt be back later to update this, but until such time, be happy, it’s the only thing left to keep you sane. I’m a lost cause as far as that goes…