Thy Flesh Consumed

Here’s to anyone who ever loved.

Here’s to anyone who ever gave it their all, only to find it wasn’t enough.

Here’s to those of you who, despite the warnings of others, refused to back down for one second; refused to believe for even an instant that it wouldn’t work; that someone or something could take away from you that which you loved the most.

But what if that overwhelming force - the one thing that could break you down, chew you up and spit you out - what if that one thing came from inside the other half of your perfect partnership? What if, in holding on so tightly, you didn’t uncover your eyes for long enough to see the truth? The truth that sometimes there’s a time and a place for everything; that if it’s really meant to be, you have to give it the room to breathe; to grow.

Here’s to all of you who ever waited, and waited still. And still more.

Here’s to all of you that didn’t return; to all of you who weren’t returned to.

Here’s to all the waiters; the waited for.

I’ve given myself completely. I’ve opened myself up to you in ways you can’t begin to imagine. I’ve made myself vulnerable - a target - and for what? To sit and wait. And wait still. And still more.

So here’s to us. I’ll wait, and you know it well. Take your time, do your ‘thing’, just don’t forget those who wait for you.

Here’s to you, dear.

Hey, don’t I know you? I’ve seen you somewhere before… On the TV, perhaps? No, that’s not it. But your face, it seems familiar. Do you have a name?

…

Hmm… I once knew someone by that name, but you can’t be her. Why, she’s less than half your age! No? I’m afraid these tired old eyes aren’t what they used to be, and the pills serve only to block out what memories I once had… It’s the dreams, you see? Rather, nightmares. I tried to forget her face. It haunts me…

I’m sorry, I do go on a bit.

It’s startling, the likeness. Quite uncanny. But I still don’t know who you are. I feel like I should know you… Where do you live? Really? As far away as that? My my, I’m afraid I’ve never been there… Or have I? Ah yes! It’s coming back to me now!

But wait, you look so different. The smile has gone from your lips; the joy from your eyes. What happened? Where have you been? It seems so long ago now…

Where am I?

Ah, yes. I know this place. This wretched hole… They sent me here to die, you know? To rot. Pissing away my miserable last in this sad excuse for a home… But you! You look wonderful! Who are you? I’m sure I know your face. Or someone younger that merely looks like you? But the resemblance, it’s astonishing. Who was she? I know you, don’t I? From years gone by…

No, no, it can’t be. They took you away from me. And what now? All grown up, I see! We were so young then. They owned you; ruled you; pushed you with the same iron fist I tried to hold you with… We were both our own undoing. I see it now. Isn’t it strange how these things work out?

Doctor! Get her out of here. I don’t know her.

I do know her. And she knows me. I just can’t stand it; the thought of losing her all over again. And again… No, the memories will fade once more. And again. Will she come back? Who was she!? How sad…

Wait! Don’t go… I miss you. Won’t you stay for some tea? It’ll be just like old times again; you and me! No? But… Okay. I love you. Gone…

Remember me, won’t you?

Okay, so this isn’t a real post, because I have too much to say and need to get it straightened out in my head before committing it to the Web. Instead, I’d like to share with you a poem that’s meant a lot to me over the years, for various reasons, not least because I’m a sentimental old fool… Jess, this is for you. For all the times you’ve been there when I needed a friend, and for all the times you’ve been so much more. You’re my world, and I love you dearly.

Yeah, so that’s it. Beautiful, wouldn’t you agree?

I found myself in one of those moods last night and decided to write a poem for the first time in a good couple of years. This was the result: