Acceptance.
I’ve decided that I need to come to terms with a few things. It’s taken me this long to get my head out of the clouds and realise that there’s much more at stake than the happiness of two people…
You see, life isn’t a fairytale, no matter how I like to paint that image in my mind. I’m not trying to convince you that I’ve learned to exersise a little common sense, because I’m not, but I have learned that you can’t ignore the more pressing matters in life.
I know that sometime, in the not-too-distant future, everything really will be okay, just like I’ve been telling myself since November, but I also know that I can’t go through the next 9 months completely ignoring the issues and problems banging on my door every day. They wont go away. The sooner I face up to my responsibilities as an adult, the better it’ll be for me and for everyone else.
I’m really not happy right now, hence this post *l* though I’m sure you’ve already noticed that I only ever use this thing when I’m feeling down. I guess it serves as a sounding board; a friendly ear perhaps… Anyway, I digress.
I guess what’s bothering me the most right now is Jess, or rather, the current situation with Jess. I’m as dedicated as I ever was to our ‘cause’ and nothing’s going to change that, but it’s rapidly becoming more of a challenge than I’m able to handle. I shan’t give up, oh no, but I will have to adjust the way I’m approaching these little ‘problems’… The first of which is a discussion in which she and I have yet to engage. Some of you know what it’s about, most of you don’t; frankly, I couldn’t care less right now. Fact is, it needs addressing… Pronto. After that, I’m sure I’ll feel a whole lot better about everything. Probably. We desperately need to spend more time talking to one another *l* the fact that we barely talk online any more, much less on the phone, tears me apart. I miss her so much sometimes it hurts… It’s getting to the stage where I actively try to forget and block things out, just so I don’t have to deal with the hurt. Now I’m starting to realise that if I keep it up, I will end up forgetting, and I can’t let that happen. I’m listening to her CD now, in fact, which is something I couldn’t bring myself to do a little over a week ago. It’s a step in the right direction… There’s this little maxim I read somwhere that seems to make it all a little easier: ‘Don’t cry because it’s over - smile because it happened…’ it’s so simple, yet so profound *l* Aaaaanyway, I’m tired of bemoaning the state of my life right now, so I’ll stop. Kinda…
I have killer toothache. It hurts, man, it really hurts. Damn stupid wisdom tooth. What’s so wise about it anyway? Pfft…
Hrm, what else has been happening lately? Oh, I had to build a new computer because my old rig decided to die on me. That was £450 up the spout. Ho hum…
In other news: Charlotte’s broken up with Colin and saw fit to call me, drunk, and tell me. She also told me that she’ll be persuing a life of sin and debauchery for a short while. Perhaps I should lock my doors at night… 
Also, my chatroom is finally up and running! Huzzah! However, I feel obliged to tell you that this project is primarily for the benefit of Jess and I *l* we can use the place to chat - in private, if needs be - without her needing to venture into OTF, which she still seems loathed to do, for some reason… So yeah, the place is open for business. Feel free to check it out.
Right, I’ve prattled on for long enough now. I’ll have something vaguely interesting to say over the coming weeks, and if not, I’ll bore you with some more poetry or somesuch.
Adieu.