I’m angry, and I don’t know why.
The simple flash of a memory,
The simple sound of music
A simple hello
I know any of these could tip me off
It just started, I can’t explain
I’m lost in anger,
I try not to even think,
I don’t think about what I’m writing,
I just write,
Hopefully some of the anger will ebb away,
I know this isn’t true
And I just notice my office is no longer mine, either
Yearbook ripped down my sign again.
It’s as if they don’t care that I’m trying to share,
That I even belong in that room.
Luckily, I’m isolated now
There isn’t anyone left I can hurt,
They’ve all been pushed to arm’s length…
And I to them.
I start to notice that something is wrong,
Just when I start holding myself at arm length from myself
All my thoughts, it’s as if they’re not mine.
I’m a wild bullet, ready to go off,
Lash out at the next person that angers me.
No one seems…
No one cares, who am I kidding.
If someone really cared,
I wouldn’t keep striking out.
I’ve struck out forever now
Love just isn’t mine to hold,
No matter what form it takes.
BEEP BEEP
The damn bell that signals the end of the day ruins my thoughts.
The huge amount of noise in the hall,
I can no longer bear.
It’s as if all the voices in my head are speaking at once to me
All arguing, all fighting to speak loudest to me.
Yet, here I sit.
All alone in my little storage room with a computer,
I feel like an intruder in my own space
I feel a stranger to myself.
Anger consumes my soul,
I realise, choir’s canceled again,
I’m stuck here until four thirty with nothing
I’m a prisoner in my own life.
No windows,
No way out.
I want to scream,
Scream until I’m hoarse
But, no, I can’t.
I have to just let it build
Mother always said it’s rude to scream.
You’re not to raise your voice at anyone.
Be a polite boy.
Always say please and thank you.
Fuck it!
But I can’t. I’m trapped
Each time I think about raising my hand at someone
My stomach churns,
All courage seeps out of me,
I feel like I’m going to be sick.
All because my mother told me,
DRILLED into me that I’m too be a good boy.
Then, just the other day, she told me I’m too nice
then the knocking comes on my door to my office…my prison
I hide again, back into my lie.