Tears stain my face,
And flashes of you
Sear into my mind.
I’m in a haze,
I’m a walking zombie.
I feel like a melon
That’s been hollowed out.
My last adventure,
Most exciting,
Ended.
Tragically.
Hoping things would’ve worked,
Knowing they wouldn’t.
I hate being a slave to passion,
Fucking up everything.
I feel like I have no heart left.
Like I’ve been shot,
Ravens left to pick out my stomach.
My soul cries, dies.
My body cannoy produce the tears,
That yern to swell forth.
And lo,
I wear my mask of joyousness,
So the world cannot know,
Just how much it affected me.
I yern to curl up and die.
Just to take the knife,
And pull it across my wrists,
And watch the blood splatter down
Onto my keyboard as I type out this
Very poem.
I feel cheap.
Why am I thusly affected?
T’weren’t my error,
Nay, not completely.
I feel degraded.
For the first time,
I feel as though,
I took advantage,
Of a convienant solution.
My slip of my mind,
Into letting other things
Control.
Mark it down to hormones,
But never shall it be,
Because the action so sweet,
Killed the dearest part of me.
I cried a name,
Early this morning,
Long before I went to bed.
Another walk in the wood,
Under the very stars
That bore witness to our act.
Their twinkle,
So innocent,
Knew the reason for my sorrow.
I can’t help but feel
As though all my preperation,
For a night supposed to introduce,
Turned into a night to seduce.
Why him?
Why not the other?
So keen,
To have threadless relations,
That would free my soul
From burden thus.
Nay, t’was the other.
The wrong of the two.
The one who’s faith
Has been mashed into dust.
But I fear, my heart more,
For when we speak next,
For I know the block came.
I fear what to say.
I shall not mail him tonight,
I don’t have the words to say,
The depth of remorse,
The freedom to say,
“I’m sorry I seduced.”