I have stolen this from http://www.jackbauerfacts.com/view-twenty-four/

Jack Bauer wrote the Bible. That’s why its so violent.

Jack Bauer has a higher body count than Hitler.

Everytime jack bauer smiles, a terrorist loses his balls

Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

The only reason you’re conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.

When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer fuckin’ hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.

After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: “In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world… five seasons in a row.” Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled “WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!”

On Jack Bauers Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.

Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed.

Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar… and Jack Bauer is going to find out why…

Jack Bauer’s last meal was on the California Presidential Primary in 2000. Now he gets his nourishment straight from the sun….like Superman.